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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985531">Throw me to the wolves, I'll return leading the pack.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingBehindAGlassWall/pseuds/HidingBehindAGlassWall'>HidingBehindAGlassWall</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Riverdale (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Broken Toni, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jughead is a major asshole at the beginning, Mention of Death, Mentions of drugs, Protective Cheryl, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, angsty af, mentions of abuse, this starts off very heavy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:26:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>52,390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingBehindAGlassWall/pseuds/HidingBehindAGlassWall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cheryl Blossom was seething.</p><p>Her eyes bore into the boy opposite her, filled with nothing but rage.</p><p>The chilly saturday evening air was thick with tension. Cheryl and Toni facing off against Jughead as the rest of the Serpents stood around them uttering quiet murmurs of disapproval.</p><p>Cheryl all but growled when she saw Toni recoil from his words. How dare he stand there and say those things? How dare he speak to them, but especially Toni, in that manner? <br/>------</p><p>When Jughead kicks them out the Serpents, Toni is left broken, and Cheryl vows she will do whatever it takes to fix it.</p><p>aka rewriting this whole situation because the writers did Toni so dirty.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>182</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey,<br/>I know, shock, a new fic.</p><p>I've had this written for a while and was itching to post it, so here you go, and before you say anything yes I will be sticking with this one I promise.</p><p>Hope you enjoy and as always let me know what you think!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cheryl Blossom was <em> seething.</em></p><p>Her eyes bore into the boy opposite her, filled with nothing but rage.</p><p>The chilly saturday evening air was thick with tension. Cheryl and Toni facing off against Jughead as the rest of the Serpents stood around them uttering quiet murmurs of disapproval.</p><p>Cheryl all but growled when she saw Toni recoil from his words. How <em> dare </em> he stand there and say those things? How <em> dare </em> he speak to them, but especially Toni, in that manner? </p><p>Toni, whose only mistake was blindly following Cheryl whilst she was up to mischief and causing chaos. Toni, who’s been a member of the Serpents for years and was the one to help Jughead when he finally stopped denying his family barely over a year ago. Toni, whose family had helped in the very founding of the Serpents and who has Serpent blood running through her veins. Toni, whose own mom was Queen all those years ago before she passed away. Toni, who has been leading the Serpents for the last few weeks whilst Jughead was off gallivanting who knows where. Toni, who has shown more leadership and compassion for this family in the last few weeks alone, than Jughead has since he was crowned King.</p><p>And where has that gotten her? One slip up and here Toni is, having everything thrown back in her face, looking more and more distraught with every spiteful word that Jughead hurls towards her.</p><p>“I expected more from you Toni. This isn’t who you are, stealing from people and-,”</p><p>Before he could continue Cheryl cut him off, her tone laced with acid. </p><p><em> "Excuse me, </em>  you expected more? What more could Toni have possibly done? She has done <em> everything </em> for the Serpents. She was doing everything she could for them whilst you spent years prancing around Riverdale High pretending to be a Northsider and disowning every aspect of the Serpents. She was doing everything she could for them whilst having to teach you all you now know about them, when you finally decided to acknowledge your family and your circumstances. And Toni sure as hell was doing everything she could for them whilst you were off gallivanting around with Archie who knows where. So don’t you dare try and pull that crap. Everyone here knows there is nothing more Toni could <em> possibly </em> do for the Serpents.” </p><p>Cheryl could feel Toni shaking beside her, what she couldn’t tell is whether it was from anger or heartbreak, at this point though, it was more than likely a hefty combination of the two. </p><p>Jughead looked at Cheryl with hate in his eyes, but Cheryl couldn’t care less, as long as that look was never directed towards Toni, Cheryl would take it. Jughead could take Cheryl’s new found family away from her, he could strip her of the first place she ever felt like she belonged, at this moment she didn’t care, all Cheryl cared about was Toni and making sure she stayed where she rightfully belonged. </p><p>Jughead collected himself after Cheryl’s outburst and tried to defend himself, “you both broke into varying places across town, and stole from them, including the Pembrooke, I’ve already explained this! That’s not what we do, that’s not who the Serpents are!” His voice rose until he was shouting, although this only resulted in making Toni flinch, which in turn made Cheryl see red. </p><p>“Lower your voice you half-wit, you don’t need to shout, unfortunately we’re all close enough to you to hear you perfectly fine. And as far as what the Serpents are and what they do, how would you know? You’ve barely even been one, how could you possibly begin to know who they are? Besides, need I remind you, all the illegal things that used to happen not so long ago, things that used to happen whilst your father was King.” </p><p>Jughead only grew more aggressive, “I am the Serpent King now. I warned you all about the consequences of acting out, and you and Toni broke the rules anyway, that’s on you two, and now you have to deal with the consequences. And don’t you try and tell me about how long I’ve been here Cheryl, because I’ve been here a hell of a lot longer than you.” </p><p>Cheryl looked sideways to Toni, to see if she was going to give a rebuttal, but upon seeing the tears in her eyes that she was fighting to keep at bay, Cheryl knew Toni wasn’t capable of defending herself right now. </p><p>“You said that the issue was from the message I left Hiram and for taking the egg, that was all me, Toni had nothing to do with that. And as for the rules and being King, who was it that taught you the rules and helped you become a Serpent in the first place, oh right, it was Toni. Toni who’s family literally played part in creating the Serpents years ago, Toni who is a Serpent by blood. And, incase you forgot, it was Toni’s mom who was Serpent Queen before she was killed, whilst fighting for the Serpents might I add. The only reason the crown went to your father is because that’s what she asked for on her fucking deathbed.” </p><p>Toni sucked in a gasp at the bluntness of Cheryls words but Jughead’s expression only grew angrier, a storm brewing behind his eyes. It was as if he didn’t care what he was hearing, “you both broke the rules, you’re both out.” </p><p>At this, Toni gasped in shock, as Fangs, Sweet Pea and some of the others in attendance began to raise their voices to make their opposition to this clear, sentiments of disapproval sounding across the group. “Jug, Toni’s a legacy, you can’t throw her out,” Fangs spoke up. “I can and I will Fangs, <em> I’m </em> in charge, <em> I’m </em> in control. And I’d watch what you say, you’re on thin enough ice as it is.” </p><p>Jughead looked around as Cheryl once again spoke up, “oh that’s right, Fangs fucked up too, and yet here he still is with his jacket on, and yet here you are hell bent on trying to rip Toni’s off her back and kick her to the curb.” </p><p>Another murmur went round the group, eyes shifting between Fangs and Jughead, “how, how did you know about that?” </p><p>“Fangs told me, and I told them,” Sweet Pea spoke up, “Jug you don’t have to do this, Toni’s been here for years, we’re her family, it’s her birthright. Yeah she screwed up but who here hasn’t? Besides, what she did doesn’t warrant taking her jacket, Jug you can’t do this.” Jughead narrowed his eyes at Sweet Pea before once again scanning the crowd, “yes I can, incase you’ve all forgotten, I’m King.” </p><p>Even FP made a move to stop Jughead with a “boy that’s enough-,” but before he could continue, Jughead raised his voice again, sounding more and more unraveled by the second. “I am Serpent King and I make the decisions, what I say goes. I don’t care what any of you have to say, Cheryl, Toni, you’re out of the Serpents and that’s final.”</p><p>A moment of silence washes over them all, some not quite believing this was happening, others filled with anger that Jughead was doing this to Toni.</p><p>Toni, who had been in their family for years, the girl with the heart of gold who had done so much for them all. The girl who had already dealt with such hardship and tragedy in her life, who had practically raised herself after her mother was killed and her father imprisoned, the girl that everyone had a soft spot for, how could he do this to her? Was it jealousy, because Jughead knew they would never see him as half the Serpent Toni was? Was it just pure spite and cruelty? Jughead looking for a way to release his anger over everything that has happened these past few months? </p><p>A tear broke free from the barrier Toni was trying to hold up, her voice shaky with emotion, “Jughead please, you, you can’t, they’re my family, you can’t throw me out.” </p><p>Cheryl reaches out to take Toni’s hand, squeezing it to try and give her some form of support. “I can Toni, and I am. You broke the rules, maybe you should’ve thought about that before you and Cheryl did what you did and stole those things.” Toni’s heartbreak morphed into anger, unable to contain all the emotions surging through her, “so what, I make one mistake and you’re gonna kick me to the curb, just like that. What about all your fuck ups huh? Do they not matter? Ever since you took over, the Serpents have changed, and not for the better. It’s not a community or family anymore, it’s a dictatorship.”</p><p>This angered Jughead more than anything else said previously, how dare Toni say that to him, he was King, how dare he be questioned. He opened his mouth to speak but Cheryl beat him to it. “You’re heartless and cruel Jughead, you know that? You’ve been King for all of five minutes, wrongly might I add because we all know that it should have been Toni, a blood legacy, not some boy who’d been denying his own family for years. I may be harsh sometimes, at least I can admit that. But what you are, is cold-hearted, spiteful, and vindictive.” </p><p>Jughead scoffs, “you want to talk about cruel Cheryl? Without that egg Veronica won’t hold up the contract for the Serpents to work for her, that means no wages, and it’s getting awfully cold out, not all of us have a mansion to go back to.” </p><p>At this, Sweet Pea let out a scoff of his own, “at least you still have your trailer Jug, you’re one of the best off of all of us, we have nothing but tents, so don’t go pulling that crap.” Jughead glares at him, “shut up Sweet Pea.”</p><p>He turns back to the girls, unable to actually look at Toni, he sets his eyes on Cheryl, “my word is final, you’re both out, that’s the end of it.” </p><p>Toni spoke up again, the anger in her voice subsiding, changing to utter devastation and despair, “Jughead, <em> please </em> . Please, don’t do this. Don’t do this to me, <em> please </em> .” That alone broke the hearts of many. Toni Topaz wasn’t a woman who begged anyone for anything. Yet here she was, having her heart ripped out her chest, <em> begging </em> not to have her family ripped away from her too. “My word is final Toni. Both of you need to go. You’re not Serpents anymore.” </p><p>A sob ripped through Toni, as she turned her back on Jughead and the others, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her like this. </p><p>Many of the Serpents, including Fangs and Sweet Pea, have tears brewing in their own eyes. </p><p>Toni had grown up with the Serpents, many of them opening their trailers to her on more than one occasion, knowing of her Uncle's behaviour towards her. </p><p>Toni had only been a baby, barely a year old, when her dad moved them both out of Riverdale, unable to cope with being around the Serpents after his wife’s death. Toni had joined the Serpents after moving back to Riverdale after her father's imprisonment, wanting to be close to her mom, even the jacket on her back had once belonged to her mom, Anette, and was one of the only reminders Toni had of her. </p><p>Watching the girl they regarded as family being treated so callously was breaking many of them, and they all knew that there was nothing they could say, that they hadn’t already, to change the outcome of the situation. </p><p>If Jughead was affected by Toni’s cries, he didn’t show it. His eyes met Cheryl’s, the girl looking at him with utter disgust, “Cheryl you can still do the right thing, give me the egg back so I can get the Serpents their work, you can fix this.” Cheryl scoffed at him, the hate she now held for the boy for what he’d done to the love of her life was clear, “what, like you just did the right thing? You’re a monster Jughead Jones, you are a hateful, spiteful little boy. That crown doesn’t deserve to be on your head and it <em> never </em> did, and it’s not just me that knows it. Kick me out, I can live with that, yes, the Serpents might be the first actual family I’ve ever had and yes this might have been the first place I felt like I belonged, but I can deal with it. But Toni, to throw her out, that’s a whole other level of callousness.”</p><p>Jughead looked nothing short of animalistic, it was as if he was consumed by rage and spite, ignoring everything Cheryl had said, Jughead moved to deal a final blow, knowing exactly how he was destroying Toni’s heart, but only caring about seeming like he was in power, “this is a Serpents meeting, and seeing as neither of you are, I suggest you turn in your jackets and go.” </p><p>Toni, who still had her back to everyone, could do nothing but shake her head whilst she tried to muffle her sobs. Not <em> this </em> jacket. Not <em> her mom's </em> jacket.</p><p>But then again Jughead knew, he knew exactly what this jacket means to her, and he knew the devastating blow he had just dealt. </p><p>Cheryl’s heart might as well have cracked in two right there, the sheer pain radiating off Toni was excruciating, Cheryl knew there was nothing that was going to change the outcome of tonight, and that now her focus needed to be getting Toni out of there before she broke any further. “Fuck you Jughead, you know exactly who Toni’s jacket belonged to. We’re keeping them.” </p><p>Cheryl stepped close to Toni, gently putting her arm around her waist, ready to guide her out of there, she spoke gently, ensuring only Toni could hear her, “come on Toni, we have to go baby.” </p><p>Toni could only shake her head, tears streaming down her cheeks, her voice filled with raw hurt, “no, no, Cher I <em> can’t </em> , please no, I, I <em> can’t go </em>.”</p><p>Tears filled Cheryl’s own eyes, hating Jughead for what he had reduced Toni to, and also hating herself for causing all this damage in the first place, if only she’d reigned herself in, if only she hadn’t been so hell bent on causing chaos like always, and for what. After the adrenaline and excitement of their robberies had faded, what remained? Nothing but utter devastation. And was it worth it? Was all this worth an expensive egg and a lipstick print on a picture? Not in the slightest. </p><p>Cheryl shook her thoughts away, there would be time for self anger later. Right now she had to get Toni out of there with as much dignity as she could keep intact. </p><p>“I know my love, and I’m so sorry, but we have to go baby, there’s nothing we can do.” Cheryl took a step forward, urging Toni with her. </p><p>Cheryl looked back over her shoulder, her eyes filled with rage and pure hatred, baring into Jugheads. “Of all the things you’ve ever done, this is by far the worst.” Cheryl didn’t feel the need to list everything, Jughead was well aware of his involvement in a lot of Cheryl’s pain, and now Toni’s. </p><p>Cheryl’s voice became deathly low, her tone as cold as ice, as if one word could cut you into a thousand pieces, “you will <em> never </em> be forgiven for this Jughead, <em> ever </em>.” </p><p>Jughead looks around and sees not only the hate filled looks directed towards him, but the faces of utter heartbreak directed at Toni, and he <em> knew </em>. He knew Cheryl wasn’t speaking for only herself. He knew, as his anger simmered, that he and his blind rage and need for power had caused a lot of damage tonight, damage that he could never repair. Jughead watched as Cheryl tried to lead Toni away, the shorter girl barely able to walk as Cheryl half dragged her, unable to get her brain to make her body move through her anguish. </p><p>Knowing that this was it, there was going to be no other outcome, Toni’s sobs were unable to be contained any longer. The shattered girl couldn’t see, let alone put one foot in front of the other. They were barely halfway down the path and Toni didn’t know how she was supposed to carry on.</p><p>How she was supposed to leave the place she grew up and know she was no longer welcome? How was she supposed to leave the last thing she had connecting her to her mom? </p><p>With tears running down her own cheeks, Cheryl knew there was only one solution, wrapping the arm not currently around Toni’s waist under her knees, Cheryl picked Toni up in a bridal carry, holding her as securely and as tightly as she could. Toni’s arms instantly wrapping around Cheryl's shoulders as Toni buried her face into her neck, her tears soaking pale skin. </p><p>The Serpents watched as Cheryl carried Toni away, tears streaming down their faces, their own hate towards Jughead cemented and growing rapidly. Toni’s cries shook them to their core, her sobs sounding more and more like a wounded animal, raw and filled with pain and hurt, and there was <em> nothing </em> any of them could do. </p><p>Jughead had done this. He had ripped Toni’s family away from her, he had kicked her to the curb and forced her out of the only place she had ever felt like she belonged, away from friends she considered family, away from those who had housed her on more than one occasion, away from those who had looked out for her, knowing her parents couldn’t anymore and her Uncle just outright wouldn’t. </p><p>Jughead had ripped it all away from her. Years of belonging torn from her in less than an hour. For what? Because a little boy was filled with blind rage and a desperate need for power and control. Because of a mistake, not even fully made by Toni. Because of something so <em> small </em> and trivial, but the repercussions never-ending. </p><p>As Cheryl manoeuvred Toni into the passenger seat of her car, she knew that her only focus right now had to be getting Toni far away from here, back safe at Thistlehouse and in her arms, if Toni even wanted her after all she’d caused. Cheryl drove them home, she scoffed, ‘home’, was she even sure of the meaning of the word anymore? </p><p>--------------</p><p>Across the other side of town, Jughead shoved open the door of his trailer, FP hot on his heels, full of disappointment, slamming the door behind him, “how could you do that to her boy? After all she’s done for the Serpents! After everything she’s been through! When I made you King it’s because I thought you were going to do better, be better. Now I see that was a mistake. Who even are you? Because what happened tonight, the man I thought was my son, he would have never, but the boy I see in front of me, I have no idea who he is. I was King because of Anette, my best friend on the Southside Jug, or have you forgotten? I owe so much to her, and this is how you repay her legacy.”</p><p>FP stormed into his room, slamming the door as Jughead sat down heavily on the sofa.</p><p>He’d already had an earful from Sweet Pea, Fangs and the other Serpents the second Cheryl had gotten Toni out of there. Some of them simply looking at him with disgust before shaking their heads and walking away, whilst others stayed and shouted at him with rage, yelling at him how dare he do that to someone they considered their sister, how dare he do that to <em> family </em>. </p><p>Jughead’s anger had subsided, the weight of what he’d done tonight settling on his shoulders. He knew his actions tonight had destroyed Toni, and was more than likely another blow towards the end of the Serpents. As he closed his eyes and lent back against the sofa the image of Toni’s shattered frame filled his mind, the sound of her pained cries ringing in his ears, his thoughts encompassed with only one question, ‘what have I done?’</p><p>------------------------</p><p>The usual quiet of Thistlehouse was broken, sobs of a heartbroken girl could be heard throughout the house. No matter where you were you couldn’t get away from the sheer anguish radiating off the Ex-Serpent.</p><p>Cheryl held Toni in their bed, leaning up against the headboard as Toni sat in her lap, curled into her chest like a child. She rocked them slightly, trying to soothe Toni in any way she could, knowing there was nothing that would make this pain go away. Toni’s repeated anguished cries of “why Cher, why did he do that to us?”, “they were my last bit of my mom” and, “what do I do now?” were met simply with gentle responses of “I don’t know my love”, and Cheryl whispering how sorry she was over and over again, pressing kisses to Toni’s head as she held her to her body as tightly as she could. Willing someone, <em> anyone </em> , to take Toni’s pain away from her and transfer it to herself, seeing the love of her life in so much distress was breaking her heart, and knowing that she’d played a part in it was something Cheryl would <em> never </em> forgive herself for. </p><p>As the hours passed Toni’s sobs eventually quietened as sleep finally took over the exhausted girl, Cheryl’s tear soaked shirt clutched tightly in a small fist, as even in sleep, Toni’s whimpers showed her heart was still hurting.</p><p>Cheryl felt an ache in her own heart, knowing she herself had been kicked from the group as well, her hopes of finally being part of a family were dashed, but she would deal with that another time, all she cared about now was Toni. Protecting Toni, fixing what had happened and doing everything she could to try and make herself even the slightest bit worthy of forgiveness after what she’d caused. </p><p>It was in that moment, as Cheryl strokes Toni’s hair away from her face and wipes tears from soaked, red cheeks, that Cheryl vows to herself, and Toni, that she would fix this. No matter what it took, no matter what she had to do or say, no matter how much she had to grovel, or fight, or even outright <em> beg </em> , Cheryl would fix this, somehow, <em> some way </em>, she would make this right for Toni.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!</p><p>Oh and quick side note, I'll be frank, I've spent so long trying to write Operation Fix Choni, it's just not happening in my brain, and I already have nearly three chapters of this written so I'm probably gonna sideline it for a bit.<br/>Hope that's cool!<br/>I'll be uploading chap 4 of Nigel at some point this week too but no clue when! </p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lost a part of my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The morning after the night before finds Toni broken and Cheryl helpless to do anything about it.<br/>The repercussions from Saturday nights events over the next couple of days hit hard.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here’s chapter 2, it’s heavy again sorry but things will be looking up for her soon I promise!</p><p>Luce :) </p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s nearly noon when Cheryl stirs, and for a blissful few seconds her mind is clear, but as she looks at Toni's sleeping form resting against her chest, everything comes rushing back.</p><p>Last night's events flashing through her mind like snapshots, Jughead’s devastating cruelty, Toni’s utter anguish. Her heart aches for the smaller girl, knowing that these next few days were going to be extremely difficult for her. </p><p>Cheryl runs her fingers soothingly across Toni’s back, wanting her to sleep for as long as possible. Toni had finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, but it was fitful at best and she was constantly fussing. Cheryl had stayed up to try and soothe her as best she could, resulting in her not falling asleep until hours after her love.</p><p>As her eyes roam over the smaller girls frame Cheryl thinks back on all that's happened. How did they get here? How did everything go so <em> wrong </em>in the space of a few weeks? The seizures, the quarantine, Archie’s departure - and subsequent return - and now this, Toni had been thrown out of the Serpents, kicked to the curb for a mistake that wasn't even really committed by her. </p><p>Cheryl took in the sight of her girlfriend curled against her side, her chest slowly rising and falling with each breath, Toni’s hand still gripping her shirt in a small fist, cheeks stained with mascara and dried tears. </p><p>She looked at Toni and all she saw was this precious girl, who deserved <em> so much more.</em> This girl who was fiercely loyal and protective, but also compassionate and kind, funny and intelligent. Toni was one of those people that despite everything life has thrown at them, despite all they’ve endured, somehow, they still had goodness in their heart and kindness in their soul.</p><p>Toni deserved better than this, she deserved <em> oh so much more </em> than anything this crappy little town could ever give her. Cheryl couldn’t wait for the day they could get out of here, and go live in a big city like they planned. She couldn’t wait to watch Toni flourish into the person that she always knew her to be. </p><p>Cheryl couldn’t wait for their future, but right now she had to focus on the present. And at present, Toni was broken. </p><p>Cheryl’s thoughts were interrupted when a quiet whimper left Toni’s lips, her fist tightening its hold on her shirt. She brings her hand up from Toni’s back to run it through her hair, hoping to soothe her and allow her to go back to sleep, however feeling the smaller girl shift against her chest the redhead knew she was fully awake. Toni lifted her head slightly, letting out a whimpered “C-Cher.”</p><p>Cheryl looked down towards her love, eyes locking with Toni’s, her brow furrowed and tears already forming, tightening her arms around Toni she whispered a gentle, “hey sweetheart, you’re awake,” only to watch in horror as Toni’s face crumpled and her head all but fell back against Cheryl’s chest. Tears streamed down her face as Cheryl shifted so they were in the same position as last night, Cheryl sat up against the headboard as she pulled Toni’s legs across her lap and pulled her into her chest, “oh my love, I know, I’m sorry.” </p><p>Toni’s voice was hoarse from her lack of sleep coupled with all her crying the previous night, the rawness to her voice only working to enhance the pain laced within her words, “He- he. I-I don’t. <em> Why?”</em> The heartbroken girl could barely speak as she tried to find her words, unable to do anything other than succumb to her anguish.</p><p>“I know baby, I know, I’m so sorry,” Cheryl felt helpless, Toni’s heart was broken and there was nothing she could do about it. Cheryl tightened her arms around her small frame and simply held her, knowing that she needed to get this out of her system. </p><p>After what must have been close to an hour, sleep once again takes over the pink haired girl, and Cheryl finds herself reaching for her phone, seeing three messages on the screen. The first two from Fangs and Sweet Pea, both asking after their friend, imploring Cheryl to let them know if there was anything at all they needed. </p><p>The final message was one from Kevin, asking if her and Toni wanted to grab lunch later. Cheryl responded to the Serpent boy’s messages, thanking them and informing them that, as to be expected, Toni wasn’t faring well at all. As she went to reply to Kevin, she faltered, what should she say? </p><p>Obviously meeting with him was out of the question, but Cheryl was sure that divulging what happened last night wasn’t the answer. After a moment, she simply responded with a vague sentiment about them being busy and taking a rain check.</p><p>Cheryl’s stomach growled and she noted that both her and Toni hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, she slipped quietly out of bed, replacing her body with a pillow for Toni to cling to, and headed downstairs into the kitchen. </p><p>As Cheryl browsed through the contents of one of the cupboards, her mind reeled. It was as if everything hit her at once. The sheer anger that she felt towards herself and her actions coursing through her body at full force. She closed the cupboard door, slamming her fist against it. How could she have been so <em> stupid. </em> Her actions had caused this, if she hadn’t been so thoughtless this would have never happened. Her desperate need to cause chaos and mischief had consumed her and as a result Toni had lost <em> everything. </em></p><p>Cheryl glanced over to the living room, or more specifically to where she could see the egg resting on the mantelpiece. Cheryl didn’t even <em> like </em> the ghastly thing, and yet she’d taken it anyway, for no reason other than pure spite and because she could. </p><p>Toni had questioned them raiding the Pembrooke in the first place, wondering if it was too risky, but Cheryl had simply pressed a kiss to her cheek and told her everything would be fine. </p><p>How utterly wrong she’d been. </p><p>Now look at them, both thrown out of the only true family either of them had ever really known, cast to the side as if their place in the group was worth nothing. Cheryl could no longer dismiss the ache in her chest as she thought about her own predicament. </p><p>Yes, Cheryl was aware that in a sense she had brought this upon herself, and looking back now, she regrets ever stepping foot into the Lodges home. But in the same sentiment, how could she have known that this was to be the outcome? How could she have known Jughead would be so cruel? </p><p>Whilst her relationship with Toni had led Cheryl to find a spot within the Serpents long before a jacket rested proudly on her shoulders, she knew that her official place within the Serpents had been only recent. The same length of time that Jughead had worn the crown, but it still <em> hurt. </em></p><p>Her heart still ached at the notion that she’d<em> finally </em> found somewhere she belonged, and now it was gone. She’d finally found people that didn’t constantly compare her to JJ, people who didn’t look straight through her as if she was nothing, people that saw her for who she truly was, flaws and all, and despite everything, they’d still accepted her and happily made her one of their own. </p><p>Yes she had the Vixens, but that was different, she knew that she didn’t fit in with them, not if she was being truly honest with herself. She wasn't one of them, not really, she simply danced around the outskirts of the group as their leader. </p><p>But the Serpents, they had welcomed her readily into open arms. Whilst, yes, the gang's past ties to her family sometimes still crossed her mind, Cheryl felt something she’d never found with anyone other than Jason and Toni. She felt <em> accepted. </em> She felt like she had people who cared about her, people who wanted her around and involved her. </p><p>And now they were gone. Because of her own stupid recklessness.</p><p>And perhaps that’s why this hurt so much. Because in a sense, this was all her own doing. Yes, it had been Jughead who so cruelly kicked them out, but ultimately she was the one who had committed the act in the first place. Had Cheryl not been so hell-bent on causing mischief and chasing adrenaline, her and Toni would still have their places within the gang. </p><p>Cheryls mind turned to the heartbroken girl upstairs, if her own heart was hurting this much she could only imagine the pain in Toni’s chest. Yes Cheryl had bared witness to her heartbreak, but no matter how hard she tried, she knew she’d never truly understand the anguish that surged through Toni’s veins. Cheryl wondered what this meant for them, for their relationship. Did Toni blame her? Could she even stand the sight of the redhead after all she’d caused? </p><p>Was this going to break them too?<br/>
<br/>
Cheryl thought about how she’d feel were the situation reversed. Would she forgive Toni? Would she blame her in the first place? Cheryl shook her head. They weren’t even questions worth asking, because Toni would never be so <em> thoughtless </em>to put them in a situation like this in the first place. Toni would never act so carelessly with such reckless abandon without first considering the consequences. Unlike Cheryl. Cheryl who caused chaos with every step she took. Cheryl who acted first and dealt with the repercussions later. And look where that had gotten them. </p><p>Cheryl stepped away from the counter, wringing her hands together, she had to fix this, <em> how </em> she had no idea, but she would find a way. She would figure out how to atone for her mistakes, to work to earn Toni’s forgiveness, if that was even possible. She would do whatever it took to fight for Toni, to fight for her rightful place in the Serpents, to fight for her to once again wear her Mom's jacket with pride. </p><p>Cheryl’s shoulders slumped, the heavy weight of guilt settling on her body and her mind. No longer hungry, she grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and headed back up to her and Toni’s bedroom. Pushing the door open gently, careful as to not wake the sleeping girl, Cheryl padded over to the bed, placing the waters on the nightstand before sliding under the covers, maneuvering Toni from her current position curled around the pillow Cheryl had left in her place, to rest once again into her side.</p><p>Toni stirred, heavy eyelids fluttering awake, blinking away the last remnants of sleep as she looked up at Cheryl. “Hey sweetheart,” Cheryl cooed gently, her fingers moving to brush a few stray strands of pink hair behind Toni’s ear, “you’re awake.” Toni nodded against her shoulder not quite trusting her voice to hold out. </p><p>They lay there quietly for a while, Cheryl uncertain of quite what to say, and Toni too lost in her thoughts to hold a conversation. </p><p>The sound of an incoming text to Cheryl’s phone broke them from the moment, Toni heaving out a heavy sigh as Cheryl ran her hand over her back. “How about a nice warm shower my love?” knowing how Toni found them calming, often taking solace in a long, relaxing shower after a particularly trying day. </p><p>A shower, that might be nice, Toni thinks.</p><p>She nods, moving slowly to get out of the comfort of their bed, part of her wishing she could just stay curled up there forever under the safety of the duvet. Her knees click as she stands, a sure sign that she’s been laying in bed for far too long, and she turns wordlessly towards the ensuite. Cheryl watches as she shuffles towards the door, her shoulders slumped as if she were carrying the weight of the world on her back. </p><p>As Toni’s hand reaches for the door handle, Cheryl calls out gently, “if you need anything, just let me know okay my love?” Toni doesn't even turn around, simply nodding before disappearing into the bathroom. </p><p>Toni turns the shower on but before she moves to undress, she catches sight of herself in the mirror. God she looks a mess. Dark circles under puffy eyes, red cheeks covered in mascara. She sighs, what would become of her now? </p><p>Toni undresses and steps under the warm water, she simply stands there for a while and watches the water flowing down the drain, yearning for it to somehow carry her pain away too. She gets lost in her thoughts, tears once again spilling down her cheeks. </p><p>As Cheryl reads over the reply from Kevin, she hears a sob echoing from the ensuite. Immediately  she's out of bed and knocking gently on the door, “TT? Is everything okay sweetheart?”<br/>
After no response Cheryl carefully opens the door slightly, peering in, her breath escaping her as she takes in the utterly soul-crushing sight before her. </p><p>Toni was stood under the steady stream of water, head bowed one arm pressed against the tiles in front of her, the other hand held tightly over her mouth as if to try and muffle her cries. </p><p>Stepping into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, Cheryl removes her own clothes before joining Toni under the water. Not wanting to startle the fragile girl, she gently wraps her hand around her shoulder, making Toni aware of her presence, before turning her round and pulling her into her arms. The water pours over them, as Cheryl simply holds Toni, knowing in that moment, there’s nothing else she could do. </p><p>When Toni’s cries fade to sniffles, Cheryl wordlessly mavouvers her so she can get her shower gel and begins to wash her tenderly, feeling Toni calm at the sensation of the sponge running over her skin gently. She turns Toni around to face away from her and washes the skin of her back, before letting the water rinse the bubbles away and stepping close to her, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl from behind. As she feels Cheryl’s chin rest on her shoulder from behind, her lips ghosting over the skin of her cheek, Toni relaxes in Cheryl’s arms, the skin to skin contact and feeling of being held helping to ground and soothe her. </p><p>They stay there under the water for a while, neither saying a word but just finding comfort in the feeling of the contact of their skin. Toni lets out a sigh and Cheryl lets go, stepping out the shower and wrapping herself in a towel before holding one out for Toni to step into. She turns the shower off and then runs her hands over Toni’s body over the towel, not only to help dry her off but knowing that Toni always needed physical contact when she was feeling bad. </p><p>“Come on my love let’s go get dressed, and then maybe we can grab some food?” Toni simply nods and Cheryl takes her hand and leads her out the bathroom. </p><p>They spend the rest of the day with Toni wrapped up in Cheryl’s arms, watching crappy reruns of some god awful reality show on the TV, neither of them having the energy to change the channel, or to care about what was playing in the first place. </p><p>By the time they climb into bed that night, it’s mutually understood that neither of them will be heading to school tomorrow. Toni not wanting to have to face other people, especially not the group or one of the Serpents, and Cheryl not wanting to leave Toni alone, not right now, not like this. </p><p>Throughout the rest of the day, she had watched as Toni retreated in on herself, barely speaking and moving, clearly lost in her thoughts and unable to focus, wiping silent tears away when she thought Cheryl couldn’t see.</p><p>It was like she was watching her Toni, the real Toni, hide herself away, turning into a shell of the girl she once was. </p><p>Toni falls asleep in Cheryl’s arms, pale fingers combing through pink hair, and Cheryl hopes, prays, that maybe tomorrow things will start to heal. </p><p>They don’t. </p><p>For most of Monday morning Toni is much the same as the previous evening, it was as if Thistlehouse had acquired a new ghost. </p><p>Both of them had received messages from various friends asking after their whereabouts and why they weren't at school, but Toni hadn’t even looked at her phone since Saturday night, and Cheryl hadn’t responded for lack of knowing what to say. She didn’t want to divulge any information as she was sure Toni wouldn’t appreciate that, but at the same time she didn’t want to lie. Cheryl had thought about replying with a blunt “ask the beanie wearing dickhead” but she knew that he would only twist the story, the narcissistic boy doing anything to save his own skin. </p><p>At present, Cheryl was in the kitchen making her and Toni some lunch, hoping to get Toni to eat something. The house was eerily quiet, the only sound being the ticking of the grandfather clock and the faint echo of whatever programme happened to be playing on the TV. </p><p>The redhead let out a heavy sigh. Toni was just so <em> quiet, </em>unnervingly so. Toni was someone  who was always making noise, either singing along to the radio or talking to the television as if the characters could actually hear her, talking aloud as she did homework. Sometimes, in those moments when the smaller girl was stuck in her own head, Cheryl even caught her having a full on conversation with herself.</p><p>So to see Toni so quiet, barely making a sound, barely moving, barely eating, it was unsettling.</p><p>Cheryl is ripped from her thoughts as a sob tore through the house.</p><p>Knowing it was too close to have come from the living room, she headed to the doorway leading towards the hallway and foyer. </p><p>Toni stood by the front door, facing the pegs in which they used to hang up their coats and jackets. Or rather, she was looking at the two empty pegs where their Serpent jackets used to hang - Cheryl having taken it upon herself to instead put them away in the back of their wardrobe, knowing that Toni seeing them hanging up wouldn’t be the best of ideas.</p><p>Tonis' legs shook and gave out beneath her. Crumpling to the floor, her knees slamming against the ground, a gut wrenching sob ripping its way out from her throat, tears cascading down her cheeks. She presses the palms of her small hands into her eyes, as if desperately willing her tears to stop, as if she could somehow close up the dam that had just burst inside her. </p><p>Cheryl gasps in horror as she watches Toni sink back so she’s sat on her feet, landing harshly with a thud on the floor, the last slither of fight left in her fading away into the nothingness.</p><p>She approached Toni as one would a wounded animal, terrified that one wrong move and she’d close up, locking herself away from the world forever. “Toni,” a hushed whisper, “my love?” As Cheryl stepped closer Toni threw her arm out towards Cheryl. To most people it would seem like a warning, heeding those who saw it to stay away. </p><p>But Cheryl wasn’t most people. </p><p>Cheryl was standing here, watching the love of her life utterly broken on the floor of the hallway, and she knew that Toni wasn’t telling her to stay away, in fact she was begging for the opposite. </p><p>Toni wasn’t telling Cheryl to stay back, no, she was reaching out towards her, desperately yearning for something, anything to cling to to try and ground her whilst she fought through the pain inside her shattered heart.</p><p>Cheryl sank to her knees beside the pained girl, pulling her into her chest, wrapping one arm around her waist and bringing the other to cup the back of her neck, holding her close and rocking them slightly as Toni sobs in her arms. “My j-jacket, he, my family, he, I can’t, he.”</p><p>“I know baby, I know, I’m so sorry, let it out, I know.” Cheryl tries as best she can to help, but also knows that Toni needs this moment, she needs to let out the pain she’s been holding in. As Cheryl kneels there with Toni in her arms, she wishes there was a way to go back and undo the mess she created, she wishes that she could turn back time and never step foot in the Lodge household, never start their nighttime adventures in the first place.</p><p>But she can't. There’s nothing she can do but hold Toni and try to help the broken girl heal, whilst trying to heal her own heart at the same time. </p><p>“I’m so sorry my love, I wish I’d listened to you. I wish I hadn’t been so reckless.” Toni shakes her head, her voice shaky, “it’s his fault not yours.” Cheryl wishes she could believe that, but deep down she knows the boy isn’t the only one at fault. </p><p>Eventually Toni’s sobs turn to sniffles and Cheryl guides her back to the living room and gathers her up in her arms on the sofa. They sit there in the quiet for a while, Cheryl running her hands over soft caramel skin, trying to soothe the fragile girl in her arms. It’s quiet, save for the television still playing, both girls lost in their thoughts. </p><p>It’s Toni who speaks first, her voice raspy with lack of use, “I- I don't blame you, Cheryl.” </p><p>Cheryl’s head snaps up, her eyes locking with Tonis. “I know you think that you deserve to be blamed and that I do, and perhaps I should in some way, but, I don't.”</p><p>Cheryl was taken aback. How? How was there a world in which Toni didn’t blame her? How was she not filled with anger and rage at what she’d caused? </p><p>“You should blame me, I blame me.”</p><p>Toni reached out, taking a pale hand between her own, looking at their fingers molding together, shaking her head, as if answering unspoken questions, “I don't.”</p><p>“But Toni, I caused this, if I hadn’t been so stupid, if I had listened when you questioned whether we should do it, then we wouldn’t be in this situation.”</p><p>Toni looks up at Cheryl, and the redhead releases a small gasp at the sheer sincerity and vulnerability in Toni’s eyes, “It’s not your fault. Not really. I know you left the lipstick mark, but we both took the egg. We both played a part. But it’s not on us. It’s his fault.” </p><p>Cheryl noticed that Toni hadn’t said Jughead’s name since the incident, it was as if she couldn’t quite bring herself to say the name of the boy who ripped everything from her. </p><p>“Toni I-“</p><p>“No Cheryl please, let me finish. What we did, it was wrong I get that, but what he did to us, he knew it was too much. He knew we didn’t deserve it and he did it anyway. Maybe he’s wanted me out for a while and this was his way of getting it. I know he didn’t like that people always said I should have been Queen. He knew what he was doing and he did it anyway. I know you blame yourself and you think I should too, but honestly, I only blame him.”</p><p>Cheryl is taken aback. How could Toni not blame her? How could she not see that it was her actions that were the reason this all happened in the first place? “But Toni, if I hadn’t have done what I did,” Toni interrupts her with an empty laugh. “No Cheryl, <em> we </em> did it. I’m not going to pretend it was all you, we were both there, and I could have stopped you, and I didn’t. This isn’t on you or us, not to me. It’s on him, and only him.”</p><p>Cheryl almost can’t understand it, how not even a tiny part of Toni places the blame on her, how Toni’s resentment is solely towards Jughead. But she tries to see her girlfriend's viewpoint and she guesses she understands her reasonings. Yes they both took the egg, and yes Cheryl left her mark, and they shouldn’t have done it, but at the same time did their mistake warrant what Jughead did, absolutely not.<br/>
<br/>
And besides, even if Toni didn’t blame her, Cheryl blamed herself enough for the both of them. </p><p>As the afternoon turns to evening, Cheryl makes them both dinner and they sit together in the living room under as many blankets as Cheryl could find, to make Toni feel as cozy as possible. Cheryl sighs as she feels tiredness creep over her body, feeling physically and mentally drained, and knowing Toni must feel the same as she’s already half asleep in her arms, she suggests they both get an early night. </p><p>They both get ready for bed, maneuvering around each other with ease. Cheryl can tell that Toni is feeling very needy from the way she is constantly touching her and being in her space, not that she minds at all. </p><p>As they get cozy under the duvet, Cheryl instinctively lifting up her arm, Toni sliding under it and curling into her side, the redhead knows she needs to address the following day. </p><p>“Toni?” The smaller girl simply hums in response, her gaze lifting to meet Cheryls, “you know I have to go to school tomorrow right?” </p><p>Toni sighs and Cheryl can feel her physically deflate, “I know Cher, you already missed today, you can’t miss anymore because of me.”</p><p>Cheryl brings her hand up to cup Toni’s cheek, gently running the pad of her thumb over soft skin, “hey, no, don't do that, I missed today because I wanted to, because you needed me, and I’ll always be here for you okay?” </p><p>Toni nods “I, I don’t want to go in,” she looks down, and Cheryl doesnt think she’s ever seen someone look so defeated.</p><p>She hates Jughead for what he’s done to Toni, for what he's caused. Toni who was so fierce and full of energy, Toni who was bright and confident, Toni who not so secretly loved school and her education. Toni who was now barely speaking and deliberately trying to avoid everyone, Toni who was growing more dependent on Cheryl by the hour, as if she was afraid that if she wasn’t touching Cheryl in some way, for even a second, she too would be gone.</p><p>Cheryl looks at Toni tenderly, “you don’t have to darling, you don’t have to do anything you're not ready for okay?” Toni nods, “yeah, okay, I just, I feel silly.” </p><p>Cheryl brushes some stray hair behind Toni’s ear and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead, “it’s not silly at all my love, something awful happened and you don't want to be forced into the same space as the person that did it, that’s more than understandable. Take another day and see how you feel tomorrow, whenever you’re ready okay? If anyone asks after you I’ll say you're sick okay?”</p><p>Toni lets out a sleepy yawn and nods, “okay,” she nestles closer into Cheryl, feeling secure in her arms and wanting as much comfort as she could get. Cheryl tightens her arms around Toni as sleep takes hold of them both, hoping that tomorrow things might start to look up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed, as always leave me your thoughts!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hell is empty and all the devils are here.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tuesday finds Cheryl heading into school, without Toni.<br/>Wednesday sees both girls returning to school, and those that they face when they do so.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey I’m back, haven’t abandoned this I promise!<br/>I’m currently very poorly and so whilst I’ve written this I’m not entirely sure how coherent this is!<br/>This is kinda long but I hope it makes up for how long it’s been!<br/>Hope you enjoy!<br/>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Cheryl walks into school on Tuesday she feels as if she’s only half there. The other half of herself is still at Thistlehouse, tucked up in bed beside Toni, where she’d left her with a kiss on her cheek just over 30 mins ago. </p><p>Cheryl sighs as she closes her locker, forgoing her usual stop in the common room and deciding to head straight to class. She’d be there ridiculously early, but if it saved her from having to be around Jughead, or any of the Serpents for that matter, she’d take it. </p><p>The morning passes without a hitch, not having any classes with the boy until tomorrow was considered to be somewhat of a saving grace.  However, staring at Toni’s empty seat across from her in AP history - her last class before lunch - had renewed the ache in her chest. </p><p>The bell rings, signalling the start of lunch, and so Cheryl heads out of class and to her locker, texting Toni enroute to check in with how she was doing. However, the second Cheryl puts her phone away she regrets it immediately. Her mind being focused on texting her girl, Cheryl had missed seeing the two boys waiting at her locker until it was too late to go unnoticed by them. </p><p>She immediately begins to turn around and head in the opposite direction but Fangs calls out to her, “Cheryl wait, please. We don’t want to pester you, we just want to talk.” </p><p>Cheryl sighs, she knows that ultimately Fangs and Sweet Pea had no involvement in the results of Saturday night, but she still can’t help but feel a pang in her chest at seeing them. </p><p>The redhead turns back to the boys, closing the distance and opening her locker, using the act of sorting her things out to try and avoid having to  look at them. “Look boys, I know you mean well but honestly it’s not a good time okay?”</p><p>Fangs speaks up again, “Cheryl we’re sorry, we never thought Jughead would do that to you both, and we tried to stop him, he just didn’t listen.”</p><p>Cheryl winces at the mention of Jughead’s name and looks down, she notes that both boys are holding their Serpent jackets, clearly having taken them off prior to talking to her. </p><p>She’d never admit it but she’s somewhat touched by their gesture, the act of taking their jackets off, as it showed Cheryl that they knew her seeing them wearing their Serpent jackets proudly when she no longer could, would have a negative effect on her. </p><p>Cheryl looks up to them, noting the guilt written across their faces, “it wasn’t you guys’s fault, I know that.”</p><p>“Does, does T know that?” Cheryl’s eyes snap to meet Sweet Peas, his face is filled with anguish but she realises it's not for himself, but for Toni and the fact the girl he saw as a sister had been hurt so badly, and there was nothing more he could have done to stop it. </p><p>“She does Sweet Pea, she’s not mad at either of you okay? She’s absolutely shattered beyond repair right now,” the boys' faces fall and Cheryl swears she can see tears brimming in Fang’s eyes, “but how could she not be? No, Toni blames your <em> king,</em> and, somehow, only him.” </p><p>Cheryl practically spits out the word, and doesn’t miss the flash of anger that crosses the boys faces in front of her as she does. </p><p>Fangs speaks up, his tone full of guilt, “we did everything we thought we could, after you got Toni out of there we all lost it at Jug, but he wouldn’t budge and threatened the rest of us with the same fate if we kept it up.” </p><p>Cheryl rolls her eyes, <em> of course </em>he did. </p><p>“Honestly Red, Toni wasn’t lying. The Serpents haven’t been the same since Jughead took the crown, and what happened at the weekend was the final straw for a lot of them and he knows it, he’s clutching at straws to keep anyone from leaving.” Sweet Peas eyes flash with anger as he speaks, clearly Cheryl wasn’t the only one that Jughead had to answer to. </p><p>She sighs again, “I appreciate you coming to check up on her, but honestly, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. She’s devastated, she barely speaks or eats, or <em> moves, </em>she’s like a ghost,” Cheryl’s eyes brim with tears at the image of her girlfriend the last few days. </p><p>“Look Red, I know Tiny T isn’t gonna want anything to do with us at the moment, but <em> please, </em>if there’s anything we can do, just let us know and consider it done. Anything. And that goes for you too.” </p><p>Fangs takes over from Sweet Pea, “we’re not here to check up on just Toni, we’re checking in with you too. T wasn’t the only one Jug hurt, don’t think we don’t know that.”</p><p>Cheryl is taken aback at their admission. Yes, her heart was its own fair share of broken at her new predicament, but honestly she didn’t think anyone even realised, let alone <em> cared. </em>But here these two boys were, standing in front of her, still thinking about her, even without the jacket on her back. It struck Cheryl that perhaps they considered her more of a friend than she had quite realised. “I honestly don’t know quite what to say. I’m upset, that much is obvious. I finally felt like I had a place and now I don’t, but I can’t even begin to think about it because Toni is heartbroken and it’s all my fault.”</p><p>Fangs puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, “you said it yourself, Toni only blames Jughead. She doesn’t blame you. Yeah you made a mistake, but she did it too. Besides we all know it was Jughead’s actions that caused this, he was too harsh and overstepped his bounds.” </p><p>The redhead smiles sadly, “thank you, I appreciate it, truly. But right now I have to try and fix the mess I made. I- I’ll see you guys later okay? And I’ll keep you updated about TT.” </p><p>The boys smile back to her, “you didn’t make the mess, Jughead did. But thank you for keeping us updated,” Sweet Pea sends her an appreciative smile before Cheryl is closing her locker and heading to the courtyard for lunch. The boys share a look and head down the corridor to the cafeteria, waiting until Cheryl is out of sight to put their jackets back on. </p><p>The rest of Cheryl’s day passed slowly, her yearning to get back to her love made the minutes seem to go on forever. Veronica had approached her on the way to her car at the end of the day and told her she’d heard what happened - both from Betty and the duo that was Fangs and Sweet Pea - and, to Cheryl’s surprise, how appalled she was at Jughead. Veronica had then proceeded to inform Cheryl she was no longer upset about the egg as there were more important things at hand - ‘besides it’s daddy’s problem not mine, I’m done being his puppet.’ Veronica told Cheryl if there was anything she could do for either of them to simply inform her, before passing over her Spanish notes to give to Toni and heading on her way. </p><p>Cheryl was simply grateful that not only did this mean their friends knew what had happened meaning she wasn’t going to have to explain it, but also that they’d heard more than one side of the story and not just hobo’s version of events. </p><p>The redhead pushes past the speed limit on her way home, desperate to get back to Toni. She calls out for her love as she closes the front door and is met with a barely audible “in here” from the living room. She finds Toni curled up under a blanket on the sofa, Ratatouille playing on the television. </p><p>Cheryl moves to sit next to her, automatically pulling Toni into her arms. “How was school?” Cheryl knew that Toni’s question was about more than her classes. “It was alright, I missed you though. Sweet Pea and Fangs asked after you and told me to tell you they’re sorry and asked if there’s anything they can do. Veronica spoke to me as well actually, said she wasn’t angry about the egg and instead her anger is now directed towards Jughead. Oh and she gave me her Spanish notes to pass onto you.” Toni responds with a quiet, “oh,” but nothing further. </p><p>They sit for a moment before Toni speaks again, “I think, I think I have to go to school tomorrow. I don’t want to, but sitting here alone with my thoughts all day, it’s not helping.”</p><p>Cheryl presses a kiss to the top of her head, “okay well if that’s what you need then you know I have your back. I have some homework to do but how about we finish this film, I’ll do my work and then we can have dinner?”</p><p>Toni nods snuggling deeper under the blanket and closer to Cheryl, having missed being around her during the day. “I missed you today,” Toni admits quietly, and is met with a kiss to her temple and a gentle, “I missed you too.”</p><p>As agreed, once the movie finished both girls head upstairs so Cheryl could do some school work, Toni sitting as close as possible next to her in the bed, quietly relishing in having physical contact and company. They make dinner together, Cheryl grateful that whilst Toni was still picking at her food and not eating much, she was at least now eating, and that was more than could be said for the past few days. She doesn’t want to push it because she knows the smaller girl would clam up if she did, but Cheryl would be lying if she said she didn’t have growing concerns about Toni’s self care. </p><p>By the time the pair are curled up in bed that night, Toni’s anxiety towards the following day is clear, as is her growing attachment to Cheryl. </p><p>“You don’t have to go tomorrow you know,” Cheryl strokes a pale hand through pink hair, “not if you’re not ready.” Toni sighs, “I can’t avoid it forever, besides I need something to get me out of my head, being alone today wasn’t good.” </p><p>“Okay well whatever you need TT, you know I’ll be right by your side.” Toni looks round to Cheryl, “thank you,” she snuggles closer into Cheryl, who was spooning her from behind, “of course my love, anything for you.”</p><p>————</p><p>As the pair walk through the main school doors the next morning, apprehension is clear on Toni’s face. She’d been quiet all morning, Cheryl had hoped that Toni beginning to speak more the previous day would continue to build, but at her nervousness for the day, Toni once again fell quiet with nothing more than gentle one worded answers or gestures like shrugs and nodding. </p><p>Their first classes were separate but Cheryl insisted on walking Toni to Calculus before heading off to her own class, Biology. The shorter girl is simply all too happy to be in her girlfriend's presence as long as physically possible. </p><p>As they reach Toni’s classroom the redhead feels the smaller girl’s grip on her hand tighten suddenly. Cheryl instantly scans the hallway and sees Sweet Pea standing by the doorway, it's clear to her that he was waiting for them, or more specifically, Toni. As they reach the doorway Toni slows her pace, as if dragging her feet to try and take as much time before she has to face him. He sends Toni a sympathetic look as if to say he understands and he’s sorry. “Hey T, look um I know you probably don’t wanna talk to me right now, or even see me, and I’ll leave you alone in a sec, but I just wanted to say, on behalf of Fangs too, that you’re still our sister and we’re here for you, if there’s anything you need, well, just let us know and it’s done okay?”</p><p>Toni’s eyes flood with tears, the fact that after everything Sweet Pea and Fangs wanted her to know they were still here, still caring about her, still on her side, it made the all too familiar ache in her chest throb. Toni doesn’t answer him verbally, something that was becoming all too common for Cheryl's liking, but instead simply sighs and nods, barely able to look him in the eye. </p><p>Cheryl places a kiss on her cheek and gently manoeuvres her into the classroom, knowing Toni would be reluctant to go in herself. “In you go my love, I’ll meet you here after class okay?” Toni looks up at her in a way that can only be described as pitifully, however the pink haired girl knows, despite how desperately she wants to, she can’t exactly spend the day attached to Cheryl’s side. Toni nods and apprehensively releases her grip on Cheryl's hand, but makes no movement to leave the security of her girlfriend's presence. “Go on TT, I’ll see you after class.” </p><p>Toni sighs, visibly deflating, before nodding and heading towards her desk and away from Cheryl and Sweet Pea, who had watched the entire interaction with concern written all over his face.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” Sweet Pea’s voice is laced with confusion, as if he can’t quite believe what he just witnessed. “That, Sweet Pea, is how Toni has been since the weekend. She’s <em> broken </em> and I have no idea what to do.” </p><p>They both look towards Toni, who now had her back to them and was getting her things out of her bag, both of them can practically see the anxiety radiating off her in waves. “Jug, he’s hurt her Sweet Pea. She barely talks, barely moves, barely eats. She’s constantly attached to me, it’s like if she can’t see me or isn’t holding onto me she’s terrified she’ll lose me too.”</p><p>The Serpent shakes his head, his anger building, “I hate Jughead for doing this to her. It’s not right. She doesn’t deserve this, neither of you do.”</p><p>The warning bell rings signalling 5 minutes until the beginning of class and Cheryl takes that as her queue to leave, “I have to go but-“ Sweet Pea interrupts her before she can even ask, placing a hand on her arm, “I’ll keep an eye on her Red, don’t you worry, Tiny T’s in safe hands. I’ve got her, always did, always will.” Cheryl thanks him and with one last glance at her love, turns and heads down the hallway to class. </p><p>Toni spends the class unable to concentrate, it was a good thing she had such high grades because she had no clue what the current lesson was actually about. Not only was she anxious at being away from Cheryl, but she was also heavily aware of concerned eyes baring into her. Not only Sweet Peas, but also Archie and Kevin’s, which in turn made her realise that more than likely everyone knew what had happened. <em> Great </em> just what she needed. Although, she supposed it meant she wouldn’t have to tell them herself, at least that was something. </p><p>Over in Biology, Cheryl wasn’t fairing much better. Whilst she had managed to avoid Jughead yesterday, being forced to stare at the back of his head as he sat next to Betty on the row in front of her, was not her ideal situation. Veronica had already asked her twice if she was okay, obviously being aware of the tension radiating off of her. The second the bell rang to signal the end of class, Cheryl was up and out the door, desperately trying to put as much distance between her and the beanie adorning snake as possible. </p><p>As she strides down the hallway, Chery hears her name called out by one of the two people she <em> really </em> doesn’t want to deal with right now, Betty. The blonde girl is practically running down the hallway chasing after her, and before Cheryl can lose her in the crowd, Betty comes to a stop in front of her, making the redhead unable to avoid the unwanted conversation with her cousin.</p><p>“Look Betty, I really don’t have the time or patience to indulge you right now.” </p><p>Cheryl steps to move around Betty but the blonde girl moves to block her, “Cheryl please, just, hear me out.” The redhead sighs, crossing her arms and shifting her weight, her stance becoming that of the ultimate HBIC, “what do you want cousin, because quite frankly after the actions of your boyfriend, I have no desire to so much as <em> look </em>at anything or anyone related to him, let alone converse with them.” </p><p>Betty at least has the decency to look apologetic, but nonetheless Cheryl <em> knows </em> she’s here to try and find some sort of redemption for her gnat of a boyfriend. </p><p>“Look Cheryl, what Jughead did was wrong, and when I heard what he’d done to you and Toni I tried to get him to revoke it, I was so mad at him-“</p><p><em> Oh? </em> That certainly wasn’t something Cheryl was expecting to hear from her cousin. </p><p>“But”</p><p><em> There it is. </em> </p><p>The reason Betty was speaking to her, to try and find a way to placate the guilt of her boyfriend's actions, to try and redeem him from his sins. </p><p>Cheryl has to force herself to concentrate on what her cousin is saying. “These past few days he’s just been so sad, he feels so guilty and angry at himself. He’s just so-“ </p><p>Cheryl cuts her off before she can continue, “I’m sorry cousin but is there a reason you think I <em> care? </em> At what point do you think I have even the tiniest ounce of fucks to give about him? After what he did to Toni, and to me might I add, quite frankly I have no desire to even set my eyes on him, let alone <em> discuss his feelings.” </em></p><p>Betty looks uncomfortable, “Cheryl, I just, I wanted you to know how hard it’s been on him,” again, the redhead interrupts her. </p><p>“I’m sorry, how hard it’s been on <em> him? </em> You want to talk about his feelings and how hard it is for <em> him? </em> ” Cheryl is seething, ”oh dear cousin, I’ll tell you what <em> hard </em> is. <em> Hard </em> is watching the love of your life have her only family ripped away from her because a little boy wants to try and play leader. <em> Hard </em> is having to hold your girlfriend in your arms whilst she sobs for hours, watching her fall to her knees sobbing in the hallway at the mere sight of the empty peg where her jacket used to hang. <em> Hard </em> is having to constantly look after her because not only can she not stop <em> crying </em> but she also barely moves, isn’t eating, isn’t talking, <em> nothing. </em> All whilst having to try not to put the blame on yourself because actually, you know what, you just had a place you <em> finally </em> felt like you belonged ripped away from you too. You want to talk to me about hard, <em> try me </em> Betty Cooper, because I couldn’t care less about him or his guilt. After everything he caused, he deserves to feel like that and worse.”</p><p>Betty stands there stunned. As she wipes away a few stray tears that have managed to escape her tough exterior, Cheryl supposes her cousin doesn’t quite deserve the outburst thrown at her, but it’s been building in her chest for days and then again Betty had the <em> audacity </em> to stand here trying to talk to her about Jughead’s feelings. <em> Please.  </em></p><p>Betty pulls herself together, trying to form a rebuttal, “Cheryl he was in a tight spot you know that. He didn’t want to do it but he felt he had to, Juggie is the King, he had to show leadership, he was thinking about his position as King, he didn’t want to lose the others' respect.”</p><p>Cheryl scoffs, “respect is for those who earn it not for those who demand it. And answer me this cousin, if Jughead is so guilt ridden and angry at himself for his actions, as you’ve so boldly informed me, why hasn’t he reached out to Toni or I? Or better still, why hasn’t he retracted his actions and given Toni her place back? Didn’t you just say you even outright asked him to? And if he feels so bad about what he did why did he threaten those that dared speak out against him with the same fate? If he cares so much he knows what he can do, it’s not hard.”</p><p>Betty stumbles, “I, he, Cheryl it’s not that simple.”</p><p>“Except it is. And we all know it. All he has to do is turn around and take it back, reinstate Toni. That’s it, I don’t even care about my own place at this point. And it’s been days, has he even considered it?”</p><p>Betty remains silent. </p><p>“I thought not. You talk of his guilt and his self anger, but quite frankly cousin, I don’t believe you. The only thing that boy is feeling is sorry for himself, because he can’t handle the repercussions of his actions and he’s not grown up enough to do anything about it. Until he is, don't talk to me again. Oh and you both better stay far away from Toni. Having to listen to you try and justify his feelings is the last thing she needs. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to walk my girlfriend to class, and thanks to you I’m already late.”</p><p>With that, Cheryl steps past Betty, not even giving her cousin a chance to respond, and walks down the hallway, Betty turning and watching her go. </p><p>——— </p><p>The rest of the morning passes uneventfully, Cheryl doesn’t tell her girlfriend about her interaction with her cousin, deciding right now it would only do more harm than good. Both girls decided it best to forgo the cafeteria for lunch, and instead decided to spend their break sitting on the benches in the courtyard. </p><p>It was as the girls head out of their AP English Language class together that things deteriorate. Cheryl walks hand in hand with Toni, talking with Kevin and Veronica about the paper they’d just been set, when she feels Toni stop dead beside her. All three of them look at the smaller girl in confusion, but when they see the tears spilling down her cheeks their gaze instantly changes to scanning their surroundings to try and work out the cause of Toni’s reaction. As Cheryl looks around the hallway her gaze catches what had gotten her love so worked up. Or rather not what, so much as <em> who. </em> For there at the end of the corridor stood the Serpent King himself, his own gaze fixed on Toni. </p><p>Cheryl realises he must have been coming to their class to meet Betty, who, as Jughead takes a step towards their group, walks quickly towards him and presses a hand to his chest, shaking her head at him. </p><p>The redhead's eyes narrow, sending him the most scathing of icy glares. Kevin and Veronica subtly move to stand on Toni’s other side, flanking the smaller girl and letting her know she wasn’t alone. Toni stands rooted to the spot, unable to take her eyes off the boy who stole everything from her. </p><p>The boy king shrugs off Betty’s hand on his chest, and takes another step towards the girl he caused so much pain. </p><p>Before he can continue, Sweet Pea and Fangs come striding down the hallway stopping dead in front of him, creating a barrier between him and the four of them. Cheryl notices the tears streaming down Toni’s cheeks and instantly wraps an arm round her waist, knowing she needs to get her girlfriend out of there, and quickly. Veronica looks at them sympathetically as Cheryl turns Toni around and begins to guide her away from the scene. </p><p>“Toni wait!” At the sound of Jughead’s voice Toni goes rigid, Cheryl turns back to look at him and sees the boy struggling to get past Sweet Pea and Fangs who stood directly in his path. As Jughead’s eyes meet her own, he shouts out again, “I just want to talk.” </p><p>At that, Sweet Pea and Fangs both reach out and push him backwards, Sweet Peas voice echos out, filled with anger, “leave her alone,  you’ve done enough.” </p><p>As Cheryl leads Toni away she can hear Jughead protesting, but as Veronica's voice telling him to drop it meets her ears, all Cheryl can think about is getting Toni somewhere private. </p><p>As she guides Toni down the hallway, her girl’s tears only grow heavier, so the second Cheryl spots an empty classroom she ushers Toni in, locking the door behind them. </p><p>The second she turns around Toni is pressing herself into Cheryl's body, desperately seeking comfort and physical touch. Both of them knew it was only a matter of time before she laid eyes on Jughead but they’d both hoped, perhaps naively, that it would’ve been later rather than sooner. </p><p>Cheryl lifts the hand not around Toni’s waist, to gently stroke through pink locks, knowing it always did well to soothe her girl. After a few minutes Toni’s cries calm to sniffles, Cheryl trying but failing to pry Toni’s steel grip off her so she could look into her eyes. </p><p>“I know my love, I’m so sorry I was hoping you wouldn’t have to see him. I thought he’d have the decency to stay away from you.” </p><p>Toni wipes her hand across her cheeks to smear away her tears, “it’s okay, you couldn’t exactly force him away from me, I was gonna have to see him at some point. I just. He just.” Toni breaks down again, a fresh set of tears cascading down her cheeks and Cheryl wonders how she has any left after the amount her poor girl had cried since Saturday night. </p><p>Cheryl tries to make her voice as gentle as she could muster, “shhh it’s okay sweetheart, I know, let it out.”</p><p>Toni tried to speak through her cries, “he just reminded me of everything I’ve lost, everything he took away from me. The Serpents, they were my family, the crown, it was my legacy Cher, it’s all I had of my mom, I always thought I was gonna wear the crown one day like she did. Now I’ve fucked up and I’m not even part of them, she, I, I’ve let her down”</p><p>Cheryls heart breaks for her love, after all she’d had to deal with, now here she was mourning the loss of the only connection she had to a mother she never knew. The fact Toni thought she’d let Anette down because of what Jughead had done, it made Cheryl so angry, how dare he do that to her?</p><p>Cheryl pulls away from Toni, placing a hand under her chin guiding her tear filled eyes to meet her own. </p><p>“Toni darling no, you’ve done nothing of the sort. You haven’t let your mom down, you couldn’t possibly. Please sweetheart you have to believe me. You haven’t done anything wrong, you made a mistake, we both did, but we both know that what Jughead did was completely uncalled for.” Cheryl wipes away her tears with the pad of her thumb, “I hate what he’s done to you, I hate him for how he’s made you feel. But as upset and as heartbroken you are Toni, my love I need you to understand, what Jughead did to us was uncalled for and unfair and he knew it. You haven’t let anyone down baby, okay? If anything you’re the one who’s been let down, okay?” </p><p>Cheryl knew that Toni’s parents frequented her thoughts regularly, her yearning for the mother she never knew and a father who couldn’t handle what life had handed him. Cheryl knew that Toni held the Serpents especially close to her heart because of the connection they gave her to her mom and the legacy she dreamed of continuing. And now that was all gone. Yet another thing added to the long list of things unfairly ripped away from Toni. </p><p>Cheryl presses a kiss to her loves cheek, letting her lips linger there for a second, before pulling back and stroking her thumb over Toni’s cheek. “I vote we abandon the rest of our classes today, head home, get comfy under blankets and try again tomorrow. What do you say TT?” </p><p>Toni nods, releasing a sigh of relief at being able to escape from school and go home where she could spend the rest of the day safe in Cheryl's arms. “Yeah? Okay come on then, I’ll ask Veronica to take over Vixens tonight and we can go home and cuddle.” </p><p>Cheryl takes Toni’s hand in her own and leads her out of school and towards her car, sending Veronica a text on their way across the parking lot. </p><p>By the time they should have finished school, they’re already well into some crime documentary series on Netflix, Toni having fallen asleep a while ago but Cheryl not having the heart to turn it off. Veronica had replied that of course she wouldn’t mind taking over practice for the evening, also she’d gather any work and notes they missed, and of course that she hoped everything was better soon.  </p><p>By the time they were curled up together in bed that evening, Toni was quieter and more attached to her than ever, and Cheryl's concerns were only growing. </p><p>As Toni slept soundly against her chest the redhead was lost in her thoughts, still having no idea how on earth she was going to fix this, knowing that whilst legend said that time was a great healer, regarding this, she wasn’t so sure. It had been days and Toni was only deteriorating. </p><p>Cheryl hadn't even begun to delve into her own heartache, however she was slowly, hopefully, beginning to realise that the blame she had put on herself was indeed perhaps harsh and misplaced. Having told Toni so frequently that it was Jughead and his callous decision alone that was responsible for their predicament had Cheryl slowly believing that, perhaps, if all Toni had done was made a mistake, perhaps that’s all she’d done too. Perhaps she wasn’t to blame. Perhaps she was nothing more than a victim in all this too. </p><p>As sleep took hold of her, Cheryl hoped that the prospect of tomorrow being a fresh day would somehow give her some answers as to how she could go about making this better and finding ways to heal, both for Toni and herself. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope this was okay! It’s taken me ages to write, like I said I’m sick and so the meds are messing with my head a bit so if this is illiterate I apologise! As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you think!<br/>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. How can emptiness feel so heavy?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thursday finds Toni struggling more than ever.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey I’m back.</p><p>It’s been a while I know sorry, those of you here from twitter will know I had a close family bereavement and so I haven’t really felt like writing.</p><p>That said, I’m back with, finally, an update for this! Hope you enjoy and as always let me know your thoughts - however I will say one thing:</p><p>Before anyone writes me a small essay on certain bonds/friendships and how ‘close’ characters are in the show, I just wanna say this fic is my thoughts on how I wish the situation went. It’s augmented canon and within that I’ve made friendships and bonds stronger - for example Toni and Veronica and the group as a whole- because that’s how I wish things were. So yes I’m aware that’s not canon etc and in the show they might not be as close as I’ve written them, but it’s what I wish we got to see and it’s what I want to happen.</p><p>I’m only saying that because I’ve had this happen more than once and that’s great that you wanna discuss things with me or debate or whatever, but please remember I’m aware of what’s canon and what’s not, but in my world of this fic it’s what I wanna see.</p><p>Aaaanyways, as I said hope you enjoy!</p><p>Luce :)<br/>Twitter:@TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When their alarm echoes throughout the room on Thursday morning, Toni is all too willing to roll over and pretend it’s not there. Pretend she doesn’t have to go to school. Pretend she doesn’t have to spend the day trying to avoid certain people whilst desperately wanting to remain attached to Cheryl's side. Pretend she’s coping with everything. </p><p>Except she couldn’t. She had no choice but to go to school and try and make it through the day with her mask in place, trying to convince herself, let alone everyone else, that she was managing to deal with her newfound situation. Except that was complete <em>bullshit</em> because everyone knew she was handling this about as well as one held a handful of water. Her pain was seeping through the cracks, everyone could see her emotions slipping through her fingers, the tears constantly brimming in her eyes. </p><p>Toni knew she’d closed off. She knew she was fading into the background, barely getting involved, barely speaking. She was aware of the looks sent her way by her friends as they passed her in the hallway or sat across from her in class, they could all see how broken she was. But honestly it’s not that it was deliberate, she just had no clue what she was supposed to<em> do. </em> Yes she didn’t talk much, but what was she supposed to <em> say? </em> Were there even words to truly express how she was feeling? How was she supposed to lay all her emotions and thoughts out on the table and explain them to someone else when she barely had a handle on them herself?</p><p>She felt Cheryl sigh next to her and tighten the pale arms that, as of late, always found themselves encompassing her small frame.</p><p>Toni couldn’t help but feel guilty. She knew she wasn’t the only one that had the Serpents ripped from her. She knew how important they’d become to Cheryl. Even in the short space of time she’d worn her jacket, every time she did, Cheryl had done so proudly. </p><p>The Serpents provided her with something the redhead had never really had before, a place where she was wanted. People who looked out for her and included her with no ulterior motive, people who saw her in her own right, as nothing more and nothing less than exactly who she was. No unjust comparison to a brother that would always be seen as more, no prejudice to a tainted last name that would provide her with nothing but haunted memories. The Serpents made her feel included, <em> wanted. </em> And weirdly enough Cheryl had slotted right in, providing useful insight and opinions at meetings, mucking around and throwing out unmatchable, witty remarks during banter with the boys whilst lounging by the campfire and tents.</p><p>Cheryl was <em> proud </em> to be a Serpent, and that’s not something Toni ever thought she’d live to see. But then again, if someone had told the Toni of a few years ago, that she’d be waking up in the arms of her Northside Queen girlfriend, <em>Cheryl Blossom of all people,</em> in the bedroom of the luxurious Northside estate she called home, Toni would have laughed in their face and told them to seek medical attention. </p><p>But here she was, doing exactly that. Except she was now doing it whilst dealing with the fact she’d been thrown out of the only real family she’d ever known. The death of her mother when she was so young had meant that Toni had grown up in a broken household. Her father so grief stricken by his wife’s death that he turned to drugs, and in turn, Antony was removed from her life and into the prison system just three weeks after Toni’s twelfth birthday. The Serpents were the only family she really remembers having. And now they too were gone.</p><p>After being sent to live with her Uncle, due to Antony’s incarnation, Toni had been welcomed by the Serpents with open arms. The second they heard that the daughter of Anette Topaz was returning they thought of her mother, their once queen, and how her legacy would be continued and Toni was gladly welcomed by them all.</p><p>They all knew Toni had it rough with her Uncle, all of them looked out for her and as a result her place in their family was a solid one. At the age of 13 the rarity of her situation and the weight of her surname led Toni to become one of the youngest to ever join the Serpents in their entire history. It was even agreed, due to her young age, the tradition of the ‘Serpent Dance’ would be forgone and due to special circumstances she was excused. However, that didn’t stop a 15 year old Toni taking to the same stage her mom had all those years ago when she learnt of this, wanting nothing to stop her from being considered a true Serpent in its entirety. </p><p>She was born to wear that jacket, adorning it with pride everyday since F.P. had first placed it on her tiny shoulders. Back then it had been too big for her, but they’d all wanted her to have her mom's jacket, having saved it in hopes that one day she’d return, each of them telling her not to worry about it being too big and that she’d grow into it.</p><p>Toni never quite felt like she had though. </p><p>Perhaps it was because of the weight of her surname, a legacy she was constantly trying to live up to. Perhaps it was because despite knowing of her father's aversion to her joining the same family that her mother died for, she did it anyway, and thus she could almost feel his discontent on her shoulders.</p><p>Toni never really knew why, but thanks to Jughead, now she never would. Toni didn’t know if she’d ever wear that jacket again. She didn’t see how the same jacket that once reminded her of how much she’d gained would ever now be able to do anything but remind her of everything she’d lost. </p><p>Their second alarm blares across the room, ripping Toni from her thoughts and eliciting a groan from Cheryl. Toni knew that this meant it was now time to get up and ready for the day, but quite honestly she wanted nothing more than to do the exact opposite.</p><p>It was all just so much <em> effort. </em> </p><p>Since the events of Saturday she’d just felt so, <em> heavy. </em> Everything took up so much more energy. It was like she was surrounded by this thick fog, not only infiltrating and blurring her mind and thoughts, but with every movement it felt like she was fighting with her own body, every inhale felt like there was less oxygen than the last, only dense fog filling her lungs and she couldn’t <em> breathe. </em></p><p>Cheryl stirs beside her and Toni shakes her head, willing her brain to focus less on her predicament and more on simply making it through the day. </p><p>The pair get up and ready for school, Toni once again notably desperate to be in Cheryl’s space. She’d always been needy with Cheryl, the pair sitting impossibly close and constantly holding hands or touching in some way, but this newfound yearning to constantly be with her had the redhead worried. </p><p>Cheryl hated seeing what Toni had been reduced to, the girl that usually loved her space and dependence was now reluctant to leave her side for even a few minutes. </p><p>Continuing from yesterday, Cheryl walks Toni to class - Spanish - catching Fang’s eye as she gets Toni settled at her desk and being met with a look as if to say ‘I’ve got her back’. Toni looks panicked as Cheryl turns to leave but the redhead simply presses a kiss to her cheek with a quiet, “it’s just an hour, I’ll see you after class.” </p><p>As she leaves through the doorway she passes Archie who sends her a sympathetic smile, his eyes glancing over to Toni as he says, “I heard what happened, I’m sorry Cheryl, if either of you need anything I’m here.”</p><p>Cheryl smiles up at him. She’d always liked Archie, despite everything he’d been through he still tried his hardest to be ‘good’, yeah he’d made mistakes but hadn’t they all? “Thank you Archie I, <em> we, </em> appreciate it.”</p><p>The hour passed slowly for both girls, Cheryl stuck in P.E with the insufferable boy and her cousin, and although they were playing dodgeball, Josie and Sweet Pea had to spend the entire class convincing her that aiming for Jughead’s face repeatedly would not go down well. Needless to say Sweet Pea didn’t get a few sly shots of his own in. </p><p>The rest of the morning passed quicker, and whilst Kevin had texted Cheryl informing her Jughead and Betty wouldn’t be at the table for lunch due to the groups anger at Jughead’s actions making him want to stay away, Toni had wanted to wait one more day before being faced with umpteen pairs of sympathetic eyes on her at once. </p><p>The girls were heading out of AP English Literature, holding hands of course, when Veronica hurries out the class after them, “Cheryl Toni, may I have a word?” </p><p>Toni automatically looks to her love, the apprehension clear on her face which didn’t go unnoticed by Veronica, “I’ll be quick I promise.”</p><p>Cheryl looked to Toni, who reluctantly nodded, and then back to her fellow Vixen, “you have 2 minutes.”</p><p>Veronica smiles, “I just wanted to personally let you know that I heard about what happened to you both and I’m appalled at Jughead actions. I’ve also come here to apologise to you because I know that Jughead’s actions were a consequence of Daddy, and subsequently my request, but I swear, I only asked him to ask you to give the egg back. Whilst my Father required me to retrieve the egg I had no idea, when I spoke to him, that Jughead would do that to you, either of you.”</p><p>Tonis eyes flood with tears - an occurrence that was happening all too frequently for anyone's liking - at the mention of Saturday evenings events, however she remains quiet, instead resigning herself to simply glancing up at Cheryl silently begging her to answer instead. </p><p>“Whilst we appreciate your apology Veronica, please know we don’t hold you to any ill will, Jughead’s actions were his own and as a consequence of no one other than him.”</p><p>Veronica smiles sadly, her eyes flitting from Cheryl to Toni, “well, nonetheless, I also wanted to let you know that as an act of protest to what he’s done to you both I’ve told him even if you don’t give the egg back, which I still hope you will if I’m being direct, I’ve revoked the contract offer. Not only do I not want to line the pockets of someone who treats my friends as he has, I also don’t want to work alongside someone who’s true colours are as ugly as the ones he’s shown.”</p><p>Cheryl opens her mouth to respond but Toni beats her to it, her voice quiet and raspy from disuse, “I appreciate it V I do, but you taking that contract away will harm the other Serpents way more than it will <em> him. </em> They need the money, desperately, especially now, it will help them provide for their families. Please don’t take that away from them.”</p><p>Veronica is taken aback. “Even after everything, despite what Jughead’s done to you, you still care about them?”</p><p>Toni shrugs, a tear rolling down her cheek, “they’re still my family, even if they don’t want me anymore it doesn’t mean I’ll stop looking out for them.” </p><p>The redhead shakes her head slightly, in spite of everything, Toni was still putting them before herself, she still had her family’s back. </p><p>Veronica reaches out placing a hand softly on Toni’s arm, “okay I understand, I’ll keep the contract for the other Serpents. Although I stand by not wanting Jughead having anything to do with it.”</p><p>The shorter girl nods and smiles slightly, the tears previously brimming in her eyes now helplessly rolling down her cheeks. Toni lifts her hand to hurriedly and haphazardly wipe them away, wanting to maintain at least some kind of semblance of being okay, even if everyone knew she was far from it, “thank you V, I appreciate it.”</p><p>Veronica sends her a sad smile before glancing at Cheryl with concerned eyes, and even more alarmingly being met with a helpless look from the Blossom, as if to say ‘I don’t know what to do.’ As she looks back to Toni, who has now fixed her gaze on a particularly interesting spot on the floor, Veronica’s heart breaks. She’d heard from the others that Toni was damaged and she’d seen glimpses herself across classrooms and yesterday when Jughead tried to speak to her, but she hadn’t realised the true extent until now. </p><p>“Toni, I don’t want to overstep, but I feel compelled to tell you that we all have your back, and I know that, in spite of what Jughead did to you, The Serpents still have your back too. Fangs and Sweet Pea were ready to fight him Monday morning, they had to be held back by the other Serpents. So please, as devastating as this is for you, please don’t forget that family isn’t defined by whether or not you’re wearing a jacket, as important and symbolic as that jacket may be. Family is defined by the bonds you form with people and how close people hold you to their heart, and whilst I know Jughead’s actions were catastrophic, please Toni, you still have family. The Serpents all see you as family whether or not you’re wearing that jacket, and I know right now it doesn’t count for much, but me, Archie, Kevin, Josie, hell even Reggie, we see you as family too.”</p><p>What was previously a few tears had turned into a cascade during Veronica's words, Toni was taken by surprise at the sheer sincerity in her voice and, even if it was only a little, she could feel shred of warmth grow amongst the iciness that had taken root in her heart. “I, I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted you to know, you're not alone Toni, I know there have been times previously in your life where you’ve questioned that, but I promise you, you’ll never have to again, not with us okay?”</p><p>Toni nods, too overcome with emotion to find words. Whilst their friendship might seem as odd a pairing as her and Cheryl in terms of background and circumstance, during her time at Riverdale High, the girls had grown close and formed a strong friendship. </p><p>Cheryl whispers a quiet “thank you” to Veronica, knowing how badly Toni had needed to hear those words. </p><p>Before she could respond the warning bell rings signalling five minutes to get to class, Toni sighs dropping Cheryl’s hand and speaking barely above a whisper, “I should go, I have Chem and I don’t wanna be late.” Cheryl reaches out to take hold of it again, “wait TT I’ll walk you.”</p><p>“It’s okay Cher, you have algebra which is practically the other side of the school, I don’t wanna make you late.”</p><p>“Okay, well, if you’re sure.”</p><p>Toni nods and Cheryl presses a kiss to her cheek, “I’ll meet you after class okay my love?”</p><p>Toni nods again and sends Veronica a small smile before turning and heading down the hallway, the two girls watching her go.</p><p>It’s Veronica that breaks the moment, turning to walk down the opposite hallway towards their own classroom, “come on or we’ll be late and you know Mrs Fennel hates tardiness.”</p><p>Cheryl sighs but turns nonetheless, falling into step beside her fellow Vixen.</p><p>“Cheryl, forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn, but <em> Toni, </em> she’s just so…” Veronica trails off, unable to describe this new Toni they were all seeing.</p><p>“She’s broken Ronnie, there’s no other way to describe it. What Jughead did, it’s broken her.”</p><p>Cheryl sighs as Veronica looks at her, concern for her friend written across her features. “TT, well you saw her, she barely speaks, she’s hardly eating. She used to be so independent but these past few days it's like she’s my shadow. The other day I woke up in the middle of the night to her sobbing and saying she’d let her mom down. I don’t know V, it’s worrying me, <em> she’s </em> worrying me, it’s like she’s nothing more than a shell of the Toni we know, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”</p><p>Veronica shakes her head, it didn’t take a genius to see the difference in the pink haired girl, everyone in the group had noticed and been speaking about it, all of them concerned for their friend. “I, I can’t help but feel guilty. If only I’d have spoken to the both of you directly as opposed to Jughead this never would have happened.”</p><p>“Veronica no, please don’t think that. I blamed myself too, I thought if only I’d listened to her and not taken it as far as I did. But thinking ‘if only’ doesn't help anyone. Besides, from what Toni and the others were saying he’s been weird with her for a while, he’s just been waiting for an excuse, like we said earlier, it’s all on him okay? It’s Jughead that did this, no one else.”</p><p>Veronica nods, albeit still unable to shake the worry that she’d played a part in the events of Saturday night. </p><p>“Oh and if you stop by Thistlehouse later I’ll give you the egg back, I’m sorry for taking it. In truth I don’t really know why I did. It was just there and it was adrenaline fuelled and I wanted to get back at your dad. But Veronica, I’m sorry, I, <em> we, </em> shouldn’t have taken it.”</p><p>Veronica places a hand on the redhead's arm, “Cheryl, honestly it's okay. I didn’t even care, I only spoke to Jughead as part of a deal with Daddy, it was for him, not me.”</p><p>“Well nevertheless, I apologise and I hope you can forgive me.”</p><p>“Cheryl, it’s okay, I forgive you, I promise.”</p><p>Veronica sends the redhead a smile as they enter their classroom and head towards their respective desks as their Algebra teacher begins the lesson.</p><p>The class, much like the rest of the day, passes quickly and soon Toni and Cheryl find themselves curled up on the sofa after dinner watching TV, Veronica having collected the egg after school. Toni had barely spoken since they’d gotten home and Cheryl was currently messaging Josie, who was just as worried about their friend.</p><p><b>Josie:</b> <em> Is she still not speaking? </em></p><p><b>Cheryl: </b> <em> Barely, nothing more than a few words at a time. I managed to get her to eat some dinner earlier but even then she hardly ate anything. </em></p><p><b>Josie: </b> <em> I’m sorry. I wish there was a way to help. We’re all so mad at Jughead for what he did. Speaking of, how are you holding up? </em></p><p><b>Cheryl: </b> <em> I’m doing okay I guess. I haven’t really thought about it, I’ve been too focused on Toni. I’m upset obviously, but I’ve been so preoccupied I haven’t really dealt with my own feelings. </em></p><p><b>Josie: </b> <em> That’s understandable but please don’t hesitate to talk to me if you need to. And Toni too, I spoke to her earlier after Chem and told her I’m here if she needs me but if you could just remind her.  </em></p><p>Toni looks over to Cheryl who was occupied with her phone and immediately feels an overwhelming need to be as close to her as possible, but she was also aware of how dependent she’d been over the past few days and was struck with worry that what if Cheryl grew tired of her? What if her girlfriend grew irritated at her and her neediness and pulled away from her? <em> What if Cheryl left her too? </em></p><p>Cheryl could sense Toni’s mood shift and the waves of anxiety beginning to roll off her. Looking over towards her love, Cheryl notices Toni getting antsy and beginning to fidget, a sure sign that something was going on inside her mind.</p><p><b>Cheryl: </b> <em> TT’s getting restless so I need to go, but thank you Josie, I appreciate it. </em></p><p><b>Josie: </b> <em> I hope she's okay! Anytime, I mean it. See you tomorrow xx </em></p><p><b>Cheryl: </b> <em> Thank you, see you tomorrow xx </em></p><p>Cheryl puts her phone on the coffee table in front of the sofa before sliding closer to Toni. “Hey my love, everything okay? Talk to me.”</p><p>When Toni simply shakes her head Cheryl knows she needs to do something to decipher what’s going on inside the other girls head. Toni on the other hand, is becoming more and more lost to her own mind, her thoughts convincing her that the bigger burden she becomes for Cheryl, the more likely it was her girlfriend was going to leave her. </p><p>“TT what’s going on? You know you can talk to me about anything, I’m here for you, no matter what.” When Toni simply shakes her head again, Cheryl’s concerns grow. The redhead gently sighs before pulling Toni into her arms and pressing a kiss against her temple, “well whatever it is, you can talk to me whenever you’re ready okay? I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>When nervous eyes connect with her own Cheryl knows she’s hit a nerve. “Is that what’s going on? Is your brain telling you things again?” Cheryl knew of Toni’s suffering with her anxiety and the troubles it brought, more often than not her love having to fight against lies concocted by her own mind that pulled on her every insecurity. When Toni shrugs and looks away Cheryl knows that that’s exactly what was happening. </p><p>“Oh TT you know I’m not going anywhere. Never. I've got your back, I always will.” She hears the smaller girl draw in a sharp breath, “but,” Toni’s speaking so softly Cheryl has to strain to hear her, “but what if it’s too much? What if you get tired of me being a burden? What if…” she trails off, not wanting to voice her deepest worry for fear it might come true. However Cheryl knows exactly what her girl is thinking, “you’re scared I’m going to leave you?” </p><p>When a sob escapes the smaller girls frame, Cheryl knows that’s indeed what’s plaguing Toni’s mind and her heart once again breaks for the girl in her arms. “Oh TT, my love, I would never. I’m not going anywhere. And for the record you’re not a burden, you’re far from it. Yes you’re having a rough time right now, but that’s more than understandable and gosh I’d never want to <em> leave you </em> because of it. If anything I want to do whatever I can to help, to try and make it better again.” </p><p>She wipes the pad of her thumb gently across Toni's cheeks, catching the tears soaking them, before placing a finger under Toni's chin, guiding her love to look at her. “Toni, what you’re going through right now, it's heartbreaking for me to witness, I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling. I have my own pain at the situation we find ourselves in, but it’s nothing compared to the agony I see you in everyday. But that pain, the heartbreak you’re going through, it doesn’t make you a burden, and it certainly doesn’t make me want to leave you. That’s something I couldn’t even comprehend doing, not now, not <em>ever</em> okay?”</p><p>Toni sniffles but nods.</p><p>“I love you TT, nothing is ever going to change that. I’ve got you okay, always.”</p><p>Toni lets out a quiet “I love you too Cher,” before falling against the redheads chest, nestling as close as she could. Cheryl tightens her hold around the smaller girls frame and rests her chin on the top of Toni’s head. “Yes I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about you, as are all of our friends, everyone can see the difference in you, but what you’re dealing with, the pain you’re going through, it’s understandable that it's going to be affecting you. However you need to be, whatever you need to do to help yourself deal with it all, you do it okay? Yes I’m concerned about you, and yes I’d like you to at least eat even a little more than you are, but you’re not a burden because of it. You hear me my love? You’re not a burden because you’re dealing with pain, far from it, and the notion that I’d even entertain the concept of leaving you? Never TT, I promise you, that's never going to happen okay?”</p><p>Toni nods and mumbles a quiet, “okay”, before nestling impossibly closer into Cheryl and releasing a yawn. Cheryl runs a soothing hand up and down her arm, “it’s Friday tomorrow and then it’s the weekend. We can do whatever you want, we can stay in, we can get away for the weekend, whatever you need is what we’ll do.” </p><p>Toni nods again and Cheryl accepts that her girl was clearly done with speaking for the day, “however it’s getting late and we have school tomorrow so why don’t we head up to bed?” </p><p>Cheryl stands, pulling Toni with her, and the pair head upstairs to bed, Toni, as Cheryl predicted, not uttering another word, instead retreating in on herself even further. It was as if with every passing day the ex-serpent withdrew even further and Cheryl was powerless to stop it. </p><p>The pair slide into bed, Toni curling into Cheryl’s side and burying her face into the redheads neck, inhaling and finding security in the all too familiar scent of her perfume mixed with her moisturiser. As sleep overcomes them Toni is all too aware of the nagging thought that what if Cheryl was making promises she couldn’t keep? As much as she wished she could believe her, Toni’s mind was stuck on the only outcome she’d ever really known, a concept that she’d convinced herself was merely inevitable.</p><p>
  <em> Everyone leaves me in the end, it’s only a matter of time before she does too. </em>
</p><p>——————</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed and let me know your thoughts,</p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The beginning of the end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fridays turn of events</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>What’s this, an update within a week of the previous chapter, I know right wow. Don’t get too used to it though.<br/>I jest.</p><p>Here’s the next chapter, hope you enjoy! As always let me know your thoughts and any comments!</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Friday morning at Riverdale High passes slowly, and by the time the bell rings for lunch Toni feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>exhausted.</span>
  </em>
  <span> As promised Cheryl and Toni were going to join their friends for lunch in the cafeteria - Jughead still being unwelcome. However as the pair headed towards the cafeteria after meeting at Toni's locker, the pink haired girl can only feel her apprehension growing. Overnight the nagging feeling from yesterday evening had grown roots inside her mind and Toni had sent the whole morning stuck inside her head mentally preparing for what she'd now deemed inevitable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t stupid, Toni knew her friends were well aware of the difference in her, she’d bared witness to them asking Cheryl after her, when they thought she was out of earshot, more than enough times. Whilst she knew that there was no expectation on her and everyone knew what had happened, Toni still felt a heavy weight settle on her chest. A weight that only grew the closer they got to the cafeteria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin and Josie meet them en route and strike up a conversation about the chemistry project set yesterday, but Toni doesn’t have it in her to get involved, instead resigning to simply listening and focusing on the feeling of Cheryl’s hand in her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they reach the cafeteria Toni tries to head straight for the table where she could see Archie, Fangs and Sweet Pea already sitting, but she feels Cheryl pull on her hand gently. “TT did you not want any lunch?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni shook her head. In truth she knew she’d barely eaten over the past few days, but she just wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>hungry.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was like her body was consumed with her pain at the loss of her family and she was unable to feel anything else. Cheryl had made her favourite for dinner the other night and even then she simply couldn’t stomach it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl knew better than to pressure her, “okay well do you want me to get you something?” Again Toni shakes her head, ignoring the concerned looks directed at her by Kevin and Josie, and instead looks once more over to the table where their friends sat. “Okay then, why don’t you go save us a seat and we’ll be over in a minute?” Toni nods, Cheryl pressing a gentle kiss against her cheek, and heads towards the table, its occupants smiling at her as she sits down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl, Kevin and Josie make their way to the line for food they’re met by Veronica, who glances towards Toni. The pink haired girl was now simply listening to whatever Archie, Sweet Pea and Fangs were talking about, but making no move to enter the conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is she today?” Veronica's voice is filled with concern, “I saw her earlier in the common room and she was curled up in the armchair and she was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I have no idea. She’s barely spoken all day, even less than she has been the past few days.” Cheryl sighs and Kevin places a hand on her arm gently, “we know it’s been hard on her, and on you, but she knows we’re here for her. It’s just going to take time, but she’s strong, she’ll be okay eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could believe that Kevin, but it’s like she’s getting worse. Each day she deteriorates, she speaks even less and retreats in on herself even more. Last night I had to try and convince her that I wasn’t going to leave her and that she wasn’t a burden. But I could see it in her eyes, she still doesn’t believe that I’m not going anywhere. It’s like she’s convinced herself that it’s inevitable, that I’m going to leave her, because that’s all she knows.” She shakes her head, her heart aching with the understanding that Toni had just come to accept that people leaving her was some sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>inescapable fate</span>
  </em>
  <span> that she was all too used to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not right,” Josie shakes her head, “what Jughead did to her, to both of you, it’s not fair. How can he just rip away her family like that? I just don’t understand how someone could do that to a person that they’re supposed to care about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl scoffs, the bitterness in her tone growing as she spoke. “He didn’t care, that’s the point. He knew what the serpents meant to Toni, hell he knew what they meant to me, and he did it anyway. He ripped away the only family Toni’s ever known and the first place I finally felt wanted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>for what?</span>
  </em>
  <span> For some semblance of control over a family, that he has no right in leading in the first place, because he felt threatened over the fact everyone knows who the rightful leader should be. He’s destroyed her, and I’m left trying to pick up the pieces whilst he parades round acting like some holier than thou righteous King that acted on the best interests of his people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group look back over to the table, their hearts aching for the girl that had charmed her way into their lives, knowing that as much as all of them wanted to alleviate her pain, there was nothing any of them could do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica speaks up, “he was so angry when I told him I didn’t want him to have part in the contract, he said that he shouldn’t be punished for something he already feels bad enough about.” The others laugh at the ridiculousness of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cousin Betty tried to tell me something similar the other day, about how </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s been on him and how guilty he feels. It made me so </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry</span>
  </em>
  <span>, how dare she try and placate his guilt?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie scoffs and Kevin shakes his head. They continue to talk about their concern for Toni and her behaviour as they pay for their food, before making their way towards the table their friends were sat at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Cheryl sits next to Toni, placing an apple and packet of chips in front of her, as well as a bottle of juice. “I know you said you weren’t hungry but I got you these just incase.” Toni sends her a small smile but makes no move towards it. Whilst the others look at Toni with concern, Cheryl knows better than to make a big deal out of it, Toni would eat when she wanted, and instead begins her own lunch. Upon seeing Cheryl’s reaction, or rather lack thereof, the others go back to their own lunches and strike up a conversation about the latest episode of some Netflix drama they were watching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>About halfway through lunch, Toni finally picks up the apple Cheryl had gotten her and to say it made Cheryl happy would be an understatement. She was all too aware of Toni’s lack of desire, and stomach, for food and so to see her eating even something as small as an apple made Cheryl happy, Veronica also noticing and sending the redhead a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the end of lunch Toni had still barely uttered a word, and was seemingly more stuck in her head than ever. Fangs, Sweet Pea, and Cheryl were inconspicuously messaging each other their concerns that they didn't think it was possible for the girl they cared so much about to retreat any further in on herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl watches her girl head down the hallway to class after lunch is over, her heart aches. It was as if Toni was nothing more than a ghost of her former self, a shell of a person wandering aimlessly, simply trying to get from one moment to the next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was like she was grieving. Although, Cheryl supposed, that’s exactly what Toni was doing, grieving for a family torn away from her. Grieving for the loss of the only part of her mother she’d ever known. Grieving for the loss of the place she once belonged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the school day passed quickly, Cheryl had wanted to cancel Vixen's practice simply so her and Toni could get home quicker, but she knew that wasn’t an option. Toni had however asked if she could be excused for the practice, Cheryl of course saying yes without a second thought and telling Toni she’d see her at Thistlehouse later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both girls share a kiss at Cheryl’s locker before heading their separate ways, Toni already having said she wanted to walk home to be with her thoughts. However as she leaves the school gates she finds someone blocking her path. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That someone is none other than Betty Cooper. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni takes one look at the ponytailed princess and wordlessly turns around, beginning to walk the opposite way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m talking the long route home it would seem.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before she can walk more than a few steps however, Betty is running past her to once again stand in front of her, blocking her path. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni </span>
  <em>
    <span>please,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I just want to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scoffs, but internally Toni begins to feel a growing anxiety at the situation. Not only did she not have the emotional handle on herself to deal with Betty of all people right now, but also because she knew what Betty was capable of. Not to say she was scared because </span>
  <em>
    <span>please, give her a break, as if,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Toni was all too aware of the lengths she would go in order to defend Jughead. Betty Cooper was a ruthless, cold-hearted snake under the guise of an all American sweetheart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that things this past week have been rough...” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Betty was still talking, Toni’s moment of thought clearly allowing the Northside princess the assumption that she had even a second to entertain her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Betty, leave me alone.” Toni’s heart cracks at the sound of her own voice. The voice that was strong and respected by many, and not just the Serpents, had been reduced to a barely audible rasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she goes to turn away yet again, Betty reaches out and grabs her arm, pulling her back around, “Toni please, I only want a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second Toni wonders if she should call Cheryl, ask her to come and make Betty leave her alone, but that thought alone makes her want to cry. Who was this girl? What had she been reduced to that she was looking to Cheryl for reassurance and to fight her battles. The girl that used to run into confrontation without a second thought with no armour other than her thick skin and wit. Where was that girl now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni, I know that what happened was hard for you, but it’s been hard on Jughead too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni all but rips her arm from Betty’s grasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, it’s been </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toni, Jughead, he’s a mess, he's so hurt by everything that happened between you, I just hate seeing him like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni stares at her in pure disbelief, as if she couldn’t quite comprehend that Betty was actually saying this to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> been hurt? Oh gee Betty I can't imagine how upset he is for what he did to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty at least has the decency to realise who she’s speaking to, or at least Toni thought, but the second the blonde opens her mouth again Toni realises that even </span>
  <em>
    <span>considering</span>
  </em>
  <span> the feelings of someone other than her narcissistic boyfriend was beyond Betty’s capabilities. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I understand that he did you wrong Toni, but Jughead, what he did, he felt like he had no other option, he was trying to fulfil his duties as King. And because of it he’s lost the Serpents respect, he's lost all his friends, he can’t even sit in the cafeteria for lunch with everyone anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wow.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Betty was really here, standing in front of her talking about who sat with who at lunch, as if they were some infantile group in kindergarten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toni, so I was wondering if you could just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last remaining remnants of the fire inside Toni spark to life, the fight that had been left smouldering reignited, her growing anger at not only the girl in front of her but at </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> she’s been through this past week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni cuts her off, her eyes blazing with anger. “No. No you listen to me Betty Cooper,” she steps forward into Betty’s space, the difference in their height meaning nothing as Toni tilts her head to stare into the blonde's eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t give less of a shit about you and your boyfriend. You think you can stand in front of me and tell me it’s Jughead who’s lost out?” Toni looks at her incredulously, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have lost everything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jughead. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He took everything from me.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He threw me out of the only family I’ve ever truly had, he kicked me to the curb the second he had the chance. He ripped away the only connection I’ve ever had to my mom. He knew what he was doing, and he did it gladly. My home, my friends, my family, my <em>mom.”</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice cracks, tears of anger and raw pain falling down her cheeks. But Toni leaves them, letting Betty see the damage that has been done to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jughead ripped my jacket off my back the </span>
  <em>
    <span>second</span>
  </em>
  <span> he got the opportunity. Over </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty this time at least has the decency to look down, “Toni, I’m sorry that happened to you, truly I am, I just Jughead’s hurt too you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni laughs, dry and humourless, “no Betty, I don’t know, I know how hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and how hurt Cheryl is, even though she doesn’t really talk about it. And considering Jughead was the one who did that to us. So what if he’s ‘hurt’, as I said before I. Don’t. Care.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty wrings her hands together, “Toni I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here Betty? Because god knows it’s not to bring me any comfort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I guess I just wanted to tell you that Jughead feels bad about what happened, I thought it might help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. What you </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> was to tell me how </span>
  <em>
    <span>poor Jughead</span>
  </em>
  <span> is feeling sad and how his meanie friends won’t talk to him because of what he did, and how he can’t handle the repercussions of </span>
  <em>
    <span>his own</span>
  </em>
  <span> actions. You came here to get off on getting some kind of acknowledgement from me and to get me to placate his guilt. You didn’t come here for me, we both know it, I might be hurt but I’m not dumb, so do us both a favour and give it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty looks at the floor, “all I wanted was for you to understand that Jughead was hurt too, and that he’s not happy with what he had to do, but it was out of his hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God wasn’t Betty supposed to be one of the smart ones? How was she being this dense? Oh right, when it came to Jughead, all cards were on the table with how far she would go for him. After all if she was willing to do what she did to Cheryl - her own family and supposed friend - without a second thought or apology, who knows how far she’d go against a girl she hated purely because of her and Jugheads shitty make out session, when the two weren’t even together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni’s had enough. She’s done with Betty. Done with Jughead. And she’s certainly done with this conversation. She can feel the fire burning out and she knows she needs to get away from here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thing is Betty, Jughead was the one who caused this, his hands were the only ones this was in. He had every opportunity to give this a different outcome, and he didn’t. He tore everything from me, he didn’t have to, and you can say what you like but we all know it wasn’t the only answer. Yeah Cheryl and I fucked up, we know we did. But what he did to us,” she shakes her head, the fire inside her burnt out and her overwhelming hurt once again taking over, “it’s broken my heart Betty. Truly shattered it. Jughead caused me more damage than any fist my Uncle hit me with or any degradory comment thrown my way over the years from the Northsiders, hell this hurts more than when my dad went to jail. What Jughead did, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>unforgivable.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>ruined</span>
  </em>
  <span> me, Betty, so forgive me if I don’t have the care for Jughead's wounded ego.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty goes to speak but Toni shakes her head and cuts her off, “don’t Betty, just don’t. I’m done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she turns away for the final time, tears stream down Toni’s face, the last specks of fight within her are gone. She was nothing but embers of a once glorious spark, the fire that used to burn in her consumed by the iciness that has taken hold of her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Betty watches her go, the image of Toni Topaz trudging home teary faced settling in her mind, and making her wonder for the first time, if perhaps, sometimes Jughead wasn’t the most important one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>————</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Cheryl opens the door Friday evening, she’s met with eerie silence, something that’s become all too familiar over the past week and something she thought would be no more when Toni moved in and Thistlehouse became filled with music and laughter. How Cheryl wished she could have that again. To walk into the kitchen and hear Toni humming softly to the radio, to her her singing in the shower, to hear the sound of her reading to Nanna Rose down the hall. Cheryl wished for more than the deafening silence that had once again settled upon her home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second Cheryl places her jacket on the peg by the door she feels arms wrap around her waist from behind and Toni’s face pressing into her back. Cheryl runs her fingers over the skin of Toni’s arm, feeling the tension slowly leaving her love as she did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey you, I missed you.” Toni offers no verbal response but instead tightens her hold around her girlfriend's waist and inhales deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl turns around in the smaller girls arms, lifting a hand to tenderly cup her cheek and pressing a kiss against her forehead. “How about I make us some dinner and we spend the evening watching whatever you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like that.” Albeit mumbled and raspy, Cheryl practically rejoices at the sound of Toni’s voice, a sound she hasn’t heard in a while. “Then it's a plan. Did you fancy anything in particular for dinner?” The redhead asks, hoping that if it was something that Toni requested then perhaps Cheryl could get her to eat more than she had been. Unfortunately though Toni simply shakes her head and steps back, her arms releasing their hold on Cheryl to instead take her hand as the taller girl walks down the hallway to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl moves around the kitchen preparing dinner she keeps an eye on Toni, meaning she was all too aware of the silent tears her love was repeatedly wiping away in the hopes of Cheryl not noticing. The taller girl sighs, turning the pot on the stove down to simmer, and turning round to face Toni who was sitting on the other side of the island. “TT, you know whatever’s going on you can talk to me. Whatever’s plaguing your mind you can tell me, I’ll do whatever I can to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pink haired girl shakes her head, taking in a deep breath before speaking in a quiet whimper, “Betty spoke to me after school today, cornered me outside the gate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl’s anger sparks, her hackles raising and her protectiveness over Toni making her want to do nothing more than march round to the Cooper household and give her cousin a piece of her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did my spiteful cousin want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She um,” Toni falls quiet, more tears fall, “she wanted to talk to me about Jughead, and how hurt he is from everything.” The bitterness in her voice is clear, but perhaps more heartbreaking than that is the sound of the pure exhaustion creeping in. Toni was just so done with it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl however, was close to erupting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How dare she?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before the redhead could let her anger take over, she takes in the sight before her. Toni sat crying into her hands, sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span> radiating from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl reaches out and gently pulls her loves hands down, feeling tears brim in her own eyes at the image before her, “Toni, sweetheart, I’m so sorry she cornered you, but please, whatever she said, Jughead and his guilt mean nothing okay? He can rot in the corner in a pit of his own grief and suffering and I wouldn’t bat an eye after what he’s caused you. Whatever Betty may have said, I can already tell you she was wrong for doing so, and that the only feelings that matter here are ours okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fair.” Tears stream down Toni’s face despite her attempts at wiping them away, “it’s not fair that they get to do that to me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>to us.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Why does he get to take away our family? I’m a Serpent by blood, why does he get to decide that I don’t belong anymore? And why does she get to come up to me and talk to me about </span>
  <em>
    <span>him,</span>
  </em>
  <span> telling me he’s upset as if it’s somehow my fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Cheryl reaches out to take Toni’s hands in her own, she can hear the raw pain in her voice, the sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span> that has only been growing ever since that fateful night. She knows that Toni’s simply voicing the questions that have been revolving round her mind all week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my love, I know how unfair this is, it’s not right. It’s not right that one person gets to make a decision like that. It’s not fair that the decision made in that one moment was allowed to be made by him alone. I wish more than anything I could do something to change it, to fix what happened…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault Cher, I told you I don’t blame you for what he did. Jughead didn’t just take the Serpents away from me, don’t think I don’t know how upset you are too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl opens her mouth to respond but Toni’s speaking before she manages to. “I know how much they meant to you, I know you felt like you finally had somewhere to belong and people who wanted you around for no other reason than they liked you. I know you felt like you were finally finding a place in a family. He took that away from you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl would be lying if she said she wasn’t taken aback. Yes she was aware Toni knew her better than anyone, but until now she didn’t realise just quite how well her girlfriend understood her. “I, Toni, I don’t know what to say. Yes I’d be lying if I said Jughead’s actions haven’t cause me pain, but honestly all I’m concerned about is you and working out how I can fix this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toni shakes her head and sighs, “but that’s the point Cher, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> fix it. There’s nothing you can do to fix it because it’s not your fault. There’s only one person that can fix it, and we both know he never will, even despite Betty’s talk of how hurt he is, he won’t do anything. What’s done is done and there’s thing I can do about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Cheryl can respond she’s interrupted by the alarm on her phone notifying her that their food was done. She busies herself with finishing the dinner preparations as Toni once again gets lost in her own head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After dinner the girls head into the living room to watch television and Toni is clingier than ever, after their conversation about Bettys actions the smaller girl has clearly had enough of speaking and instead cares only about being by Cheryl's side. At one point Cheryl gets up to make herself a drink and not only does Toni whimper at the loss of contact, but she also follows her into the kitchen, seemingly unwilling to be apart from her for even a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the pair make their way to bed Cheryl’s concerns have grown to a point she knows something has to be done. It had been nearly a week since that fateful evening and Toni had deteriorated more and more with each passing day, and today with Betty, Cheryl knows that had been the final straw for her love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of Toni’s soft snores echoes round the room as Cheryl glances at the clock on the bedside table, </span>
  <em>
    <span>11:26pm. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The redhead sighs as Toni begins to whimper in her sleep, reaching over to brush a few strands of hair behind her ear and stroke her hair gently to try and soothe her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Toni settles, Cheryl finds herself reminiscing over the past week and the difference in her love since Saturday. Her lack of speaking, constantly getting lost in her own thoughts, barely eating, her </span>
  <em>
    <span>neediness</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl shook her head, the sheer dependency Toni had formed over the past week was unsettling to say the least. Yes, Toni normally loved physical contact, but she was also someone who highly valued her independence, needing her own space and time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not anymore it would seem. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since the events of Saturday night, the pink haired girl had become so dependent on Cheryl and desperate to be constantly around her. Case and point when Cheryl had taken longer than usual in the shower the other day resulting in a panicked Toni bursting into the en-suite just to make sure she was still there, and then sitting on the counter in silence until the redhead was done because she was too upset to be away from her any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was moments like those that had Cheryl really worried. Toni was broken, which was understandable considering everything, but Cheryl was left wondering what would be left of her love after this ordeal was over. After time had passed and the dust had settled, was this what would be left? Was this their new normal now? Was this who Toni was now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No it couldn’t be. Cheryl would let this be how things were from now on. There was no way she was going to allow herself to be a bystander in Toni’s unraveling any longer. She was going to fix this. Somehow, someway. No matter what it took, screw Jughead and his guilt, she would fix it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheryl stood, grabbing her phone and running down the stairs, stopping only to put on her sneakers and grab her keys. As she runs out the door and to her car it hits her that she should have left a note for Toni in case she woke up whilst Cheryl was gone. She just has to hope that it’s late enough that the exhausted girl is deep enough in her slumber that she doesn’t wake up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>————-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of knocking pulls Jughead out of his sleep. Looking towards the clock and seeing </span>
  <em>
    <span>11:48pm,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he closes his eyes and sighs as he rubs a hand through his hair, slumping back against the sofa. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been sleeping like crap the past week, his mind haunted by images of Toni and the consequences of his actions. He’d seen her around school and heard what people were saying, how she barely spoke and was more like a shadow than a person. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that his actions caused this. That he’d ripped Toni from the last connection she had to her mom and the only family she’d ever known over what? His own selfish need to be in control and be seen as somebody </span>
  <em>
    <span>more than</span>
  </em>
  <span> for once in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And look where that had gotten him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens his eyes and turns his gaze towards the tv where Casablanca is playing softly. Deducing it must’ve been something in the film that woke him, Jughead once again closes his eyes and attempts to resume his slumber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And is again disturbed by the sound of knocking. The sound of knocking that was definitely coming from his door and not the TV like he’d thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Frowning, Jughead stands, picking his beanie up from the floor as he does so and putting it back on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He makes his way to the door eyeing his Serpent jacket on its hook as he goes, or rather his switchblade residing in the left pocket, should he need it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jughead pulls open the door, fully prepared to give whoever it was on the other side an earful for disturbing him so late at night, and promptly stops in his tracks before he even opens his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because there, standing on his doorstep at 11:53pm, is the last person he ever expected to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cheryl?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I come in?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!</p><p>I have the next chapter of this and a chapter of Nigel in the works, when they’ll be with you, not a clue. </p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I don’t know how I’m going to win, I just know I’m not going to lose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cheryl shows up at Jugheads trailer with only one thing in mind, fixing this absolute mess he's caused.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey friends, I'm back!</p><p>I know, I know it's been ages, I'm sorry! However I will say let's stop living under the false pretences that there's gonna be an update every week, because clearly, there is not, and there's actually only like 3 chapters of this left so I'm a little bit sad to think it's gonna be finished soon :( This is like 5.5k words though so it took me a while!</p><p>Actually kinda proud of this one so hope you all enjoy!<br/>Leave a comment or some kudos if you feel so inclined, that would be nice,</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There, standing on his doorstep at 11:53pm, is the last person he ever expected to see. </p><p>“Cheryl?”</p><p>“Can I come in?”</p><p>Jughead takes in the sight before him, Cheryl Blossom stood on the steps to his trailer, without a single ounce of her usual glory. Makeup free, signature red hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing sneakers and Adidas trackies, her hands fiddling with the sleeves of a hoodie that Jughead knew belonged to Toni. Her face showing all too clearly that something was eating away at her.</p><p>This was a Cheryl he’d seen only once before. </p><p>Years ago on the banks of Sweetwater River after she’d tried to end her own life, Jughead Jones had bared witness to the raw vulnerability held in the heart of Cheryl Blossom. A heart yielding to such anguish and yearning previously locked away in an isolated prison. </p><p>Jughead looked at the girl before him and saw that same look in her eye, a look filled with raw, uninhibited emotion, and he knew that whatever was about to happen, whatever was about to be said, it was coming straight from her heart.</p><p>The Serpent king sighs and moves backwards, wordlessly welcoming Cheryl into the trailer. As she closes the door behind her it strikes Jughead that the commanding aura that usually follows her is gone, as she stands in the foyer of the trailer Cheryl looks almost <em> meek. </em></p><p>They stood across the room from each other like pieces on a chessboard ready to go to war, strategising every move, every comment, every word.</p><p>“What do you want Cheryl?” Jughead tries to keep his tone even as he grabs the remote, muting the television as Rick tells Ilsa to get on the plane. </p><p>“I,” she falters, in her haste to come to try and fix things, Cheryl hadn’t put much thought into what exactly she was going to say. She looks around and catches sight of the television, gesturing towards it, “‘I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.’ Casablanca right?” </p><p>Jughead glances towards the screen and nods, “yeah, right.”</p><p>“Look Jughead, Rick might be right, the issues between us, in the grand scheme of things, are nothing, but to Toni, what you’ve done to her Jughead, it’s <em> everything.” </em></p><p>The first move is made. </p><p>Jughead sighs, this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. He’d known sooner or later he was going to have to face up to his actions, he’d just hoped it would be later, <em> much later. </em> </p><p>“Jughead, I,” Cheryl falters and takes a breath, “I’ve come to ask you to put Toni back in the Serpents.”</p><p><em> There it was. </em> The reason for Cheryl's visit. </p><p>“You know that’s not something I can do Cheryl.” </p><p>She shakes her head, she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy, but at the resolute tone in his voice, Cheryl knows it's going to be difficult to get what she came for. She was going to have to wear him down piece by piece, until he was a lone King, unprotected.</p><p>Cheryl scoffs, “says who Jughead? I thought you were King, ‘what you say goes’ if I remember rightly, or does that only count when you’re acting under a false bravado to use your title for your own personal vendetta?” </p><p>The young Blossom knew there was a dangerously thin line between keeping this conversation civil and all hell breaking loose, and she was walking it like a tightrope.</p><p>Jughead’s eyes narrow at her comment, his anger beginning to rise at the implications. “Cheryl, you both fucked up, what you did put all of the Serpents in Hiram's firing line. I’ve spent so long trying to keep us protected from his deals and biddings, and then you steal from him and leave your calling card putting it all in jeopardy. Besides, I removed you both as an act of my role as King, it would make me look weak, and undermine everything. I can’t let you both just waltz back in again.”</p><p>Cheryl pauses, before resigning herself to what she knew must be done. </p><p>“Not both.” She shakes her head and sighs, “not both of us, Toni. I’m not asking you to let me back, just her. That's all I want Jughead. Just let Toni go back to her family.”</p><p>Cheryl’s opening gambit is played, sacrificing herself for the girl she loves. Resigning herself to what she knew must be given up, the chance of her returning to the one place she finally felt wanted. Cheryl knew she’d do anything to get Toni back with her family where she belonged, whatever the cost, even suffering her own penance. </p><p>Whilst Jughead was surprised he didn’t show it. He knew how important her place on the Serpents was to Cheryl, so the fact she was willing to sacrifice it for the sake of Toni showed Jughead she meant business. </p><p>“Cheryl I can’t just-“</p><p><em> “Yes you can </em> Jughead,” her tone was almost one of pleading, “put the blame on me, I’m the one who took the egg and left the lipstick mark anyway. Let Toni back in, say you recognise it was my fault, that she had no part in what happened at the Lodges. Put all the blame on me and let Toni back in, it’s <em> that simple.” </em></p><p>She wasn’t here to play, the Blossom heiress knew what she came for and she wasn’t leaving without getting it. She would win this, even if it meant using herself as a pawn in the process. </p><p>“Cheryl you <em> both </em> acted out, even after I warned you of the consequences. The both of you knew the repercussions of your actions and you did it anyway. Toni had just as much a part in it as you did, everyone's aware of that. You were both warned and you <em> both </em> carried on anyway, I only followed through with the warning you failed to heed. That’s not on me. You brought it upon yourselves.”</p><p>The atmosphere in the room begins to shift as Cheryl laughs in disbelief, “that might be what you tell yourself to help you sleep at night but I’m no fool Jughead, don’t take me for one. What you did was an act of tyranny under false pretences of protecting the Serpents, but we all know the truth behind it is that you’re scared. Scared that the Serpents don't recognise you as their true leader, scared that ever since you’ve taken over everything’s fallen apart, scared that we all know who the rightful heir to the throne is, and it’s not you.”</p><p>Tensions rise. </p><p>Cheryl and Jughead were both very aware that this conversation was like a powder keg, one false move and everything exploded. </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re trying to imply Cheryl, but I followed through with what I warned you would happen if you continued acting out and you did so anyway. You knew there would be consequences and even after a direct warning you caused yourselves to face them. It’s not my fault you can’t handle the repercussions of being so brazen. You both acted out and I disciplined you accordingly.” </p><p>His voice rises as does the ever growing tension, Jughead repeating his comments like a mantra, as if the more he said them the more believable they’d become. Cheryl steps forward, as if she were a knight moving across the board, drawing ever closer to the King.</p><p>“You weren’t even <em> here </em> Jughead. You were off galavanting around with Archie on your little self-finding adventure whilst Toni took over leadership of the Serpents in your absence. And then you show up and exile her for something petty that we all know was actually committed by <em> me.” </em></p><p>“Cheryl-“</p><p>Cheryl interrupts him, already done with whatever excuse he was going to try and use. “No Jughead. I know you believe the Serpents are nothing more than  your own personal boy scout brigade, and not a family of <em> actual human beings, </em> but to Toni, they’re her family. They’re all she knows. All she had of her mom, the only connection she’s ever had with her. And you ripped it all away from her like it was nothing. And now, well, you’ve seen her. Jughead she’s <em> heartbroken, </em> what she’s feeling is just <em> pure anguish. </em> It’s like you’ve cracked her soul wide open and stomped all over it.”</p><p>“I know Cheryl, I get it.” Jughead snaps. He’d seen enough of his destruction with his own eyes, he didn’t need Cheryl reminding him. </p><p>“No Jughead I don’t think you do. I don’t think you fully understand just how much damage you’ve done, Toni, she-”</p><p>The tension crescendos and Jughead’s resolve snaps, the King’s castle of protection crumbling to nothing more than rubble around him.</p><p>“I fucked up alright!” Jughead shouts and in the back of his mind he’s grateful his dad isn’t here to witness this. “Is that what you want to hear? That I screwed up. You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I see Toni in school everyday and see how she is! See what I did to her, what I caused!” The anger in his eyes is burning, what Cheryl can’t tell is whether that anger is directed at her or his own self.</p><p>Cheryl raises her voice to match his, “so why haven’t you done anything about it? You could have apologised, you could have undone it even after you’d made your move. But you haven’t.”</p><p>Jughead runs a hand through his hair, “I tried to talk to her Cheryl, you were there.” </p><p>Cheryl cuts him off, “no, what you tried to do was bombard her in the hallway in front of everyone the first day she was able to bring herself to go to school. Whilst, might I add, you were en route to meet Betty after class. You didn’t even seek her out in her own right. You didn’t have a private quiet conversation with her. And then you sent Betty after both Toni and I like some kind of guard dog.”</p><p>And in that one moment, Betty had been made into nothing more than a pawn by the very girl she had once so callously used herself.</p><p>A look of confusion flashes across the boy's features, “Betty? What did she do? I genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about Cheryl, I did nothing of the sort.”</p><p>“Then explain to me why <em> your girlfriend </em> not only stopped me in the hallway to tell me how horrid you felt, as if she somehow thought I gave a shit, but also decided to <em> corner Toni </em> after school today to inform her how devastated <em> you </em> are and how <em> you’re </em> the one who’s lost everything. She was at home <em> sobbing </em> Jughead.”</p><p>Jughead cuts her off, his face nothing but disbelief, “wait, she did <em> what </em>? Cheryl please, you have to believe me, I truly had no idea.”</p><p>Cheryl takes in the genuine honesty across the boy king’s face and realises that he truly didn’t know. Betty had done it all of her own accord. Cheryl exhales in disbelief, was there no line that Betty Cooper wouldn’t cross? How anyone saw her as the sweetheart girl-next-door she’ll never know. </p><p>Jughead moves to the sofa, slumping on it and shaking his head in disbelief, “I can’t believe she’d talk to Toni, you maybe I could understand, but <em> Toni.” </em></p><p>Cherly laughs, “I can. You and I are both very aware of the lengths my cousin would go for you, or have you forgotten?”</p><p>When Jughead lifts his head, Cheryl can see the regret that flashes across his eyes, well aware of what was being alluded to. “Cheryl, I, I’m truly sorry that she did that. And I’m sorry I didn’t know about it until after she’d done it or I’d have stopped her from doing so. I know I’ve never really said it before but-”</p><p>She cuts him off, “no, you haven’t, and nor has Betty. And don't try and pretend that you’d have stopped it, when in fact, when you found out what she’d done, you sat back and let her carry on doing so. But that’s besides the point, right now, I don’t care. What I care about is <em> Toni </em> and her pain and what you’re going to do about it. You exiled her Jughead, from her friends, from her family, from her <em> mom. </em> That jacket, her place on the Serpents, it’s <em> everything </em> to her.”</p><p>“I know Cheryl, don’t make the mistake of thinking I'm not well aware of all that. My dad, he was best friends with Anette, he’s King because of her, because that’s what she wanted, so don’t think he hasn’t made it very clear what he thinks of what I did.”</p><p>Cheryl moves to sit on the old armchair across the room, softening her tone as the atmosphere shifts to one of a clamer nature, but neither were under the guise that it couldn’t change again within moments. “So why did you Jughead? Why do that to her?” </p><p>Jughead takes note of Cheryl's tone, exhaling in order to calm himself too, “I told you Cheryl, what you both did, it jeopardized the Serpents, the contract, things with Hairam. People already have a prejudice against us, that only gets worse if people find out two Serpents were the ones responsible for the break ins.”</p><p>Cheryl scoffs as tensions flare again and shifts on her perch on the armchair. She’s well aware there's more to it than that, she can see right through Jughead, and they both know it. “You might like to think you’re doing a good job of pretending to king but the rest of us can see you for what you are, a little boy playing dress up. It’s not just about what we did, you and I both know it.”</p><p>“Cheryl I-”</p><p>“Toni isn’t just some pawn Jughead, she’s not some chess piece you can sacrifice for some larger strategy.” She exhales and tries to subdue her anger, knowing that attacking Jughead with blind rage again would get her nowhere.</p><p> </p><p>“I know she’s not Cheryl, I know what I did, I know what I caused alright, you don’t need to keep saying it, I’m well aware of what I did to her okay?”</p><p>She can tell that Jughead is wearing down, and as she looks at the clock on the wall and sees they’ve been talking for the best part of an hour, it’s safe to say he’s not the only one.</p><p>A quiet takes hold of the moment, both of them reeling and stuck in thought of the next move, strategising the best play.</p><p>Cheryl moves first. “You know it’s funny, in chess everyone looks to the King, he’s seen as the most important piece but in reality, he’s the most vulnerable and limited, once he’s compromised, well that’s it. It’s the Queen who holds all the power, all the moves. When you lose the Queen, well, the game might as well be over.”</p><p>“You’re not talking about chess are you?”</p><p>“Go figure.”</p><p>Sensing his bravado had worn thin, Cheryl moves in from another angle, wanting to remind the boy in front of her that for one of them at least, loyalty truly knew no bounds.</p><p>“You know, it was Toni who told Veronica to keep the contract. Despite everything you’ve done to her, she still had the Serpents backs. Even after you kicked her to the curb, she was still looking out for you.” Jughead regards her with uncertainty, unsure where he was being led, “Cheryl-”</p><p>“After all you took from her, after everything you did, even when both Veronica and I were questioning her and telling her not to, she still did right by you. In spite of everything, she still put her family first.”</p><p>She could feel Jugheads heart crack. “Cheryl I-” he runs a hand through his hair, his gaze dropping to the floor, “I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>The King is cornered.</p><p>
  <em> Check. </em>
</p><p>Cheryl sets up her final play, quickening her pace and hammering it into Jughead one last time, hoping he’d fall into her trap and respond without thinking first. “After all she's been through Jughead, her mom’s death, her dad’s imprisonment, the way her Uncle treated her, life in general, you snatched away the only thing she had left, the one thing that’s been her lifeline all these years, the one thing that's given her hope and something to live for-” </p><p>“I had to okay?” he cuts her off, and subsequently falls prey to the set up. “Everything was so messed up with the ghoulies, the rioting, Hiram, the quarantine, and I needed to gain control again, I needed them to see me as the leader, the one in control. I needed them to recognise me as King, removing the both of you like I did was the only way to do that.”</p><p>Jughead's words almost reverberate around the trailer, the truth of what he’s done echoing off the walls. Cheryl smiles, knowing the battle was won, “so you finally admit it had nothing to do with taking the egg, and everything to do with wanting us, well Toni, gone for your own personal gain.”</p><p>
  <em> Checkmate. </em>
</p><p>A silence passes over them, the air heavy with the weight of Jughead’s final admittance of the truth. He buries his head in his hands, knowing there was no going back now, the truth was out there.</p><p>He sighs heavily and raises his gaze, looking toward Cheryl who was simply looking back at him, patiently waiting for his response. Jughead shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair again, a nervous habit he often found himself doing in moments of stress or hardship, moments such as this one. </p><p>“Look Cheryl,” all traces of anger have dissolved from his tone. The voice reaching Cheryl's ears now is one of nothing more than a lost boy trying to keep his head above water. “I’m sorry okay, I never meant for things to escalate how they did or for things to end up like this, I only meant to reprimand you both, suspend you maybe. But in the heat of the moment, the pressure of everyone staring at me, it didn’t seem enough, especially after giving Fangs a pass,” Cheryl huffs in annoyance, “I didn’t mean for it to go that far, it just, it was an accident.”</p><p>The laugh that leaves Cheryl's lips is dry and hollow, “no Jughead, an <em> accident </em> is when I miss-sorted a sock in the laundry and subsequently turned Toni’s grey sweater pink. An <em> accident </em> is when Toni saw a spider in the kitchen and dropped the mug she was holding in fright, causing it to break when it hit the floor. <em> That’s </em> an accident. Not <em> exhiling people from family over nothing. </em>”</p><p>Jughead has the decency to look ashamed, and Cheryl takes it as her cue to remind him of what she came here for. “Just put her back in Jughead, that’s all I’m asking. I’m not even asking you to have me back. Yes, I love that band of ragamuffins and I feel like I’ve found a place I can be myself in, and yes it brings me great pain to say this to you, but use me as the scapegoat if you must. Do whatever you have to, say whatever you must about me but Jughead, Toni, the Serpents, they mean a great deal more to her than you or I could ever truly comprehend.” </p><p>Cheryl ignores the look that Jughead’s giving her, ignores the glint of sympathy in his eye. “I don’t know even the half of her family’s legacy, Jughead, and I only know the bare necessities from her past, but I know how badly she needs the Serpents. She might not ever say quite how much, but it’s obvious. You and I both know that yes she may live in Thistlehouse now, and yes she considers me family too, but the Serpents, they will always be her home. They have her heart and they always will. You can fix this, you can mend her broken heart, and as much as it pains me, you’re the <em> only one </em> who can.”</p><p>Jughead regards her with a look of inquisitiveness, as if he can’t get an angle on her. Ultimately he knows she's right, he knows that the depths of Toni’s home with the Serpents is something that even he will never truly understand. He knows he’s messed up, and, as Cheryl said, he knows he is the only one with the ability to fix things. </p><p>Toni had always been a mystery to him. Even during their time at Southside high and the early days at Riverdale - before she got sidetracked with ‘the gorgeous redhead from the drag race’ - when the pair were at their closest, Jughead had never truly managed to understand the workings of Toni’s mind. To him, Toni was an enigma, but then again he supposes she is to most people. That is, most people but Cheryl Blossom. Jughead takes in the girl before him and regards that as much as Toni is an enigma, Cheryl is too. </p><p>Cheryl, who is currently sacrificing everything for her love. Cheryl, who used to be deemed nothing more than the HBIC that would cut you down with a scathing, burning remark the second you got too close. But, he supposes, they’d all watched in awe as the tiny Serpent slipped through the cracks in the bombshell’s walls and inched her way into her imprisoned heart. Toni, perhaps knowing how to due to her own box of mysteries, had solved all the puzzles and slowly but surely unlocked the true heart of Cheryl Blossom.</p><p>As he looks at her, sitting on the worn armchair in his front room, Jughead Jones thinks to himself that Cheryl Blossom is a much better person that he, or anyone else, had ever given her credit for. </p><p>He sighs resolutely, “I never meant for any of this to happen.”</p><p>“Perhaps not, and I truly wish I could believe that Jughead, but it did happen, and it happened by your hand. And now you’re the only one that can fix it. Just bring her back Jughead, that’s all I’m asking of you, nothing more. Just undo what you did to her.”</p><p>“I,” he falters. He knows in his heart it’s the right thing to do, but he can’t help the voice niggling at the back of his head that’s still fighting for control. He looks toward the television, Casablanca has long finished and instead an old rerun of some 90’s sit-com plays. One of the characters breaks the fourth wall to look down the camera, in what Jughead supposes would be some form of comedic moment had he had the volume on, instead, it only serves to make him feel like the woman is staring directly at him.</p><p>He looks back to Cheryl, whose gaze was still fixed on him, patiently waiting for his response. All eyes, it would seem, are on him.</p><p>He exhales, “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>Jughead watches as a mix of emotions flash across Cheryl’s face. It’s as if she almost wants to ask ‘what is there to think about?’ and force him to give her answer now. However the question never comes, as Cheryl herself resigns to the knowledge that Jughead must do this on his own, and should she push him any further than she already has tonight, he may well close up and her work will have been for nothing. </p><p>As the old clock on the wall chimes twice, informing them they had entered the early hours of the morning, Cheryl stands from her seat on the armchair and knows she’s done all she could. The ball is in Jughead's metaphorical court now, although, she supposes it always was, she’d just forced him to acknowledge it. “That’s all I ask, just please, think about it, think about Toni. You and I both know what the right thing to do is, I’m just asking you to acknowledge that you’re the only one who can do it.”</p><p>Jughead nods and stands, following Cheryl to the door, “I will Cheryl, I promise you, I’ll think about it.”</p><p>She opens the front door and turns to face him, “thank you Jughead. Toni, she’s one of the most, if not <em> the </em> most important person in my life and I couldn’t sit by and not do something any longer.”</p><p>With a small smile, the young Blossom heads out the door and to her car, Jughead closes the door behind her and turns the TV off before heading to bed. </p><p>As Cheryl drives out of the trailer park and down the road towards the Northside, her phone begins to chime, almost erratically. She knows it’s the sound of incoming texts but she can’t figure out why there’s so many of them, there had to have been at least 11 come through at once. She pulls over to the side of the road and picks it up from where she’d put it on the passenger seat, the screen illuminating as she did.</p><p>
  <em> Shit. </em>
</p><p><em> Toni </em>.</p><p>Dozens of messages and missed call notifications fill the screen, spanning from an hour ago to the most recent, 2:13am. She looks at the time, 2:21am, and realises Toni must’ve woken up whilst she was gone and, signal being lacking on the Southside, she hadn’t received any of her messages. Debating sending her a text now, Cheryl instead decides against it in favour of getting home as quickly as possible in order to comfort her love in person. She all but flings her phone back on the passenger seat and speeds off towards Thistlehouse.</p><p>As Cheryl pulls into the driveway and parks the car, she notices the front door being wrenched open and a figure bolting through the doorway towards her. <em> Toni. </em> She must’ve heard the tires on the gravel and realised Cheryl was home.</p><p>She grabs her phone and keys before hurrying out the car, standing just in time for Toni’s body to hurl into hers, tiny arms clinging onto her for dear life as she sobs into her chest. Cheryl takes note that Toni’s dressed only in pyjamas, the socks on her feet offering no protection from the driveway’s stones beneath them, however it would seem Toni didn’t care, her only thought being reunited with the redhead. Cheryl brings one arm to wrap around Toni’s waist and the other to cup the back of her head, holding her tightly against her body, “I know baby, I know. I’m sorry, I’m back now.”</p><p>They stay there for a while, Cheryl simply holding Toni’s small frame against her own as she cries, trying to soothe her as best she can. “TT my love, it’s alright, I’m here darling, I’ve got you.”</p><p>Cheryl tries to loosen her grip slightly in order to get Toni to look at her, however Toni squirms and tightens her hold, fearing that if she didn’t maintain the strongest grip she possibly could, Cheryl would disappear again. The redhead sighs and resigns to simply pressing kisses atop her girl’s head in the hope that once Toni calms they’d be able to get out of the cold night air. </p><p>“You're alright sweetheart, I’m here, I’ve got you safe, we’re okay.”</p><p>Toni’s cries eventually soften, “c-cher?” The voice that meets Cheryl’s ears is so timid and weak, and Cheryl’s heart breaks that she played a hand in Toni’s distress. “I’m here Toni, I’m home. Shall we go inside into the warm?”</p><p>Toni nods against her chest but makes no signs of moving, so Cheryl gently pulls away, not missing the whimper that escapes from Toni as she does. "It's okay darling, I’m here, I’m just gonna lock the car and we’re going to head inside okay?” Cheryl is aware she’s almost cooing, as if she were talking to a small child, but she also recognises the extremely vulnerable state Toni is in and wants to take as much care as she can to soothe her.</p><p>Keeping one arm wrapped around Toni’s waist, Cheryl shuts the car door and locks it before guiding Toni, who’s still softly crying, towards the front door. Once inside, Cheryl leads her love straight up to their bedroom. She tucks her in bed with a kiss to her forehead and slides in next to her, not before grabbing the stuffed bunny from the windowsill to give to Toni to cuddle as she knew it provided her love with comfort. </p><p>The second Cheryl is situated, Toni all but launches herself into her arms once more, tears once again streaming down her face, “I, I woke up a-and you weren’t here, and, I didn’t know where, I-I couldn't-find you.” The distress in her voice is evident and Cheryl mentally reprimands herself for not leaving a note explaining her absence. “I know my love, I’m sorry, I should have left you a message, I know.” She runs her hand through Toni’s hair, pulling her close into her chest. </p><p>“I thought, I thought y-you <em> left me,” </em> Toni is hit by another wrack of sobs as her fear is voiced aloud. Since everything that happened the past week she’d been so terrified that Cheryl would leave her too, so waking up and finding her gone, without a note or acknowledgement had only served to make her worst fears seem to have come true.</p><p>Cheryl presses a kiss to her temple, “I know my love, I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note, but I’m back now, I’m back and I’ve got you.”</p><p>At this, Toni tightens her grip on Cheryl, as if to reinforce that she wasn’t going anywhere. “Where d-did you go?”</p><p>Cheryl falters, whilst she doesn't want to lie to Toni, she knows telling her the truth behind her absence right now would only cause damage, especially as there was no solid outcome from it yet. “I, I went for a drive, to clear my head.” Whilst it wasn’t exactly the truth she knew it would appease Toni, and also technically speaking her head was a lot clearer then when she’d left, she’d simply omitted her time at Jugheads’. Cheryl knew she would tell Toni the truth about her whereabouts tonight in due time, just not right now. </p><p>Cheryl can sense sleep taking hold of Toni’s sleepy frame. The stress of Cheryl’s disappearance coupled with Betty’s antics earlier in the day had Toni absolutely shattered and now Cheryl was back and her panic was over, she was utterly <em> exhausted. </em> She notes that Toni is getting fidgety, something she does when she’s trying to fight off sleep, and looks towards the bedside clock, the numbers reading 2:47am. Cheryl snuggles down further into the bed and shifts the smaller girl slightly so she's laying pretty much on top of her, head resting on Cheryl’s chest and face nestled into her neck. Cheryl knew from past times that being held like this brought Toni comfort and the feeling of security, something she desperately needed right now. </p><p>“Go to sleep my love, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”</p><p>“But,” she pauses.</p><p>“But what darling?” Pale fingers comb gently through pink hair.</p><p>“But what if I wake up and you're gone again?” Toni’s voice is quiet, not only from the tiredness fighting to take hold of her, but from the apprehensiveness that her fear would be born into fruition again. As Cheryl presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, she can practically feel the nervousness radiating from her love, and she worries that her disappearance tonight may have caused some harm by way of bringing Toni’s worries into reality.</p><p>“I'm right here, I'm right by your side, you're not alone Toni, not ever again. I’m sorry I left without letting you know TT, but I promise you sweetheart, I’m never leaving you okay?” </p><p>Cheryl tightens her hold gently, as if to reinforce that she had Toni safe in her arms and she wasn’t going anywhere. She feels Toni nod against her chest, as her body finally begins to grow heavier, sleep overtaking her once more. She presses one last kiss to the top of her head, “I’ve got you darling, I won’t leave you, I promise, you’re safe.”</p><p>As Toni’s breathing becomes heavier, a sure sign that she's fallen asleep, Cheryl hopes that any damage caused to Toni and her worries would be outweighed by the result of her speaking with Jughead. </p><p>Exhausted due to the early hours and emotional toll of today, Cheryl feels the arms of sleep embrace her too. As she closes her eyes, Cheryl can’t help but allow herself to feel a tiny bit hopeful that, perhaps, she just might have gotten through to Jughead and hopefully he will make the right decision. However, even if he didn’t, Cheryl knew no matter what, come what may, she would always have Toni’s back. As she nuzzled her face into Toni’s hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and gently pulling her tighter in her embrace, Cheryl knew that her promise to her girl would be one she kept. Cheryl would never leave her, no matter what she would be right there, by her side through it all.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Taa daa, hope you liked and thanks for dropping by!</p><p>I have plans for the next 2 chapters of Nigel and I know it's been so long (like Luce hurry up already wow) but I promise once I get the focus I'll wack them out and bish bash bosh, hopefully you all forgive me!</p><p>Luce :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Fuelled by hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey friends!</p><p>Just a bit of a heads up for this chap there's mention of death, nothing major, just a couple comments/mentions but thought I'd let you know before hand</p><p>Hope you enjoy, as always comments / thoguhts are appreciated!</p><p>Luce :D</p><p>twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s late Saturday night when Cheryl’s phone alerts her to a new message. She’s tempted to ignore it, wanting to keep her promise to Toni that, after the events of yesterday, tonight would be about them and no interruptions. However, when it chimes for the second time barely a minute later, Cheryl sighs and shifts Toni from where she was curled into her side on the sofa, and grabs her phone from the coffee table in front of them. </p><p>
  <b> <em>From Hobo:</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>(9:15pm) Hobo: </em> </b> <em> meet me at pops in 15 </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:16pm) Hobo:</em> </b> <em> come alone </em></p><p>Cheryl automatically shifts the angle of her phone screen away from Toni, and opens the message, reading them twice, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard. </p><p>On the one hand she knew that whatever the reason Jughead wanted to meet was important and more likely than not linked to their conversation the night before. However, as she glances down at Toni, who’s thankfully still focused on the film, Cheryl can’t help the pang in her chest as she remembers the aftermath of said conversation. </p><p>Toni had been quieter and clingier than ever all day and Cheryl knew her absence last night was to blame, hence why she’d promised her love a night of just them and no distractions. Returning her gaze to her phone, Cheryl knows that ultimately she has to go, she has to meet Jughead. She knows the impending conversation will either make last night worth it, or have it be all for nothing. </p><p>Cheryl knows she can’t just leave without a reason, one good enough to justify breaking her promise to Toni not even 24 hours after causing her worst fears to seem true. Returning to her messages and clicking on a different contact, Cheryl comes up with a plan that she hopes will work. </p><p>
  <b> <em>To Veronica:</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>(9:20pm) Cheryl:</em> </b> <em> Can you do me a favour? </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:21pm) Veronica:</em> </b> <em> What do you need? </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:21pm) Cheryl:</em> </b> <em> I need to do something, it’s important, but I can’t tell Toni where I’m going, can I tell her I’m meeting you to fix an emergency? </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:22pm) Veronica:</em> </b> <em> What are you up to Cheryl? </em></p><p><b>(9:22pm) Cheryl:</b> <em> It’s important but I can’t tell her, not right now, but I need to give her a reason for my absence otherwise she’ll get scared again </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:23pm) Veronica: </em> </b> <em> You can tell her, but what if she works out you’re not with me? </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:23pm) Cheryl:</em> </b> <em> I’ll think of that if it comes to it, thank you Veronica </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:23pm) Veronica:</em> </b> <em> I don’t know what you’re up to but please, just be careful Cheryl, Toni can’t afford any more heartbreak </em></p><p><b> <em>(9:24pm) Cheryl: </em> </b> <em> I will be I promise, thank you V </em></p><p>By now Toni has noticed Cheryl’s focus on her phone and when the redhead looks at her love and sees eyes filled with nothing but worry, she almost calls the whole thing off. “I, I have to go TT.”</p><p>The worry in Toni’s eyes increases, tenfold. “Go where Cher, can I come with you, what’s happening, where are you going, I thought we were staying in?” </p><p>Cheryl drops her phone into her lap and takes Toni’s face in her hands, “shhh darling it’s okay I promise. Veronica is just having an emergency and she needs my help that’s all.” </p><p>Toni’s eyes widen, “an emergency with what? Can I come? What’s happening? Can I-” Cheryl cuts her off with a kiss, smoothing the pads of her thumbs across Toni’s cheeks, speaking in the most soothing voice she can muster. “It’s okay sweetheart, it’s just something at La Bonne Nuit is all, it’s nothing major and I know I promised you tonight would be just us, but I just need to go help her out and I’ll be back as soon as possible.” </p><p>Toni opens her mouth to speak again but Cheryl cuts her off, “my love I won’t be long, and I promise you I’ll be back as soon as I can okay?” </p><p>Toni sighs and looks down, her voice getting smaller and smaller, “I can come with you, I can help, I can, I can…” she trails off, tears filling her eyes at her anxiety of being left alone. </p><p>Cheryl gently guides Toni’s face to look at her, her heart aching at being the reason for her loves distress a second night in a row, “it’ll be easier if you stay here baby, but as I say I won’t be long and I’m coming right back okay?” As Toni tries to look down again, Cheryl ducks her head to regain eye contact, “I promise you TT, I’m coming back, I’m not leaving, I’m just popping out to help a friend with an emergency and I’ll be right back okay?”</p><p>Toni sighs, but ultimately knows there’s no getting round this, if Veronica needs help she won’t stand in the way of Cheryl giving it to her. “Okay, but, but you’re coming back?”</p><p>“I promise you Toni, I will be back by your side the second I can be okay?” Toni nods once more and tries to breathe through the fog of worry that was beginning to take over her mind. </p><p>Cheryl stands, pressing a lingering kiss to Toni’s forehead before heading into the hallway, putting on her shoes and grabbing her keys from the dish on the foyer table. She contemplates calling Josie or even Fangs and Sweet Pea to keep Toni company, but she refrains, realising ultimately that would only lead to more questions. </p><p>Cheryl pokes her head around the doorframe her eyes meeting Toni’s worried ones. “I’ll be right back darling I promise, and I have my phone, you can text or call at any time okay?,” Toni nods, “I love you TT, I’ll be home soon.”</p><p>Toni responds with a quiet, “I love you too Cher,” and watches as Cheryl blows her a kiss and heads out the door and towards her car, typing a message, presumably to Veronica, before getting in and speeding off. She sighs and turns her gaze back towards the film, grabbing the blanket on the back of the couch to wrap around herself to provide a somewhat comfort, and clutches her phone tightly in her hand. </p><p>She knows deep down that Cheryl would never leave her, but after the events of last weekend, her anxieties had been brought to the forefront of her mind, last night only serving to offer her a stark reminder that should Cheryl leave her too, her deepest fear would be brought into fruition, she would truly be alone.</p><p>Cheryl blows Toni a kiss and heads out towards her car, sending a response to Jughead before getting in and heading towards the diner, praying that Toni didn’t figure out the truth behind her whereabouts.</p><p>
  <b> <em>To Hobo:</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>(9:31pm) Cheryl:</em> </b> <em> I’ll be there in 10. </em></p><p>-</p><p>As Cheryl pushes open the door to Pops she glances around apprehensively. She had no idea what was about to transpire but could only hope that Jughead had come to his senses. </p><p>Being late Saturday night the diner is somewhat busy, but Cheryl is easily able to spot the top of the telltale grey beanie and makes her way over to the booth. </p><p>As she sets her eyes on Jughead, one thing becomes abundantly clear, <em> he looks like shit. </em> Dark bags under his eyes are an obvious sign of lack of sleep and the way he fiddles with the coffee cup in front of him - black no sugar, <em> typical, </em> - are an obvious indicator that Cheryl isn’t the only one feeling anxious going into this conversation. </p><p>She clears her throat, and subsequently startles him out of his thoughts. As red eyes meet her own, it becomes resoundingly clear to Cheryl that the boy king has indeed done some thinking. </p><p>She slides into the booth, smiling at the waitress who makes her way over to the table, and orders a coffee of her own - with milk and sugar - knowing it would be needed. </p><p>The pair sit in silence, disturbed only by the waitress, <em> Rachael, </em> coming back with her drink. As the silence once again takes over Cheryl decides she’s had enough of Jughead staring broodily into his caffeine. “Why am I here Jughead?”</p><p>At first she doesn’t think he’s heard her, but before she can ask for a second time Jughead sighs and slouches back into his seat, pulling his beanie off as he does and playing with it in his hands. </p><p>His nervous energy is causing Cheryl’s irritability to spike, she had better things to do than sit in silence watching Jughead stare into the abyss. </p><p>She huffs and moves to stand, “this was a waste of time, I didn’t come here to watch you stare into a cup. I did enough damage leaving Toni last night, I’m not about to cause even more by breaking a promise to stay in, for no reason.”</p><p>“Last night?”</p><p>“She woke up whilst I was gone talking to you. I got back and she was terrified I’d left her too, so believe me when I say I will not allow my time away from her to be wasted right now.”</p><p>Cheryl slides to the edge of the booth seat, grabbing her keys from the table. “No Cheryl wait, please, I, I told you to meet me here for a reason, please, stay.”</p><p>Cheryl takes in the boy’s face, seeing no sign of ill intent she sighs and moves back to the middle of the seat “fine, but I promised Toni I’m only a text away, so the second she messages I’m gone.”</p><p>“I, okay.” Jughead resumes his staring and Cheryl contemplates leaving for a second time when he finally speaks up.</p><p>“You know that Toni’s mom was Serpent Queen, before she was killed?”</p><p>Cheryl is unsure where she was being led, “I do, yes. And when she died she asked your dad to take over.”</p><p>Jughead nods thoughtfully, “she did. My dad and Anette, they were best friends back in the day. She’d always considered him her right hand, said she wanted him to look after the Serpents until Toni came of age.” He sighs, “look how well that turned out.”</p><p>Cheryl frowns, everyone was aware of the Serpents true lineage, but this was the first time she’d heard Jughead actually acknowledge it aloud.</p><p>“She really was supposed to be Queen wasn’t she?”</p><p>Jughead nods, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, “yeah, yeah she was.”</p><p>“So why…”</p><p>Jughead cuts her off, “why did my dad make me King over her?” He sighs, “honestly I have no idea. I’ll be honest, I never really asked, I didn’t even know he was retiring until that day at Sweetwater River when he handed me the mantle and it wasn’t until after I really questioned it.”</p><p>Cheryl shakes her head, when she thinks of just how much Toni has had ripped away from her at the hands of other people, it makes her heart ache. “She never fought it,” Cheryl muses, “I knew she was upset about you being king but she didn’t tell me the truth behind it for a long time.”</p><p>“Toni, she,” Jughead pauses, contemplating whether or not he should reveal this information to Cheryl, knowing it would more than likely cause damage in the long run.</p><p>“She what Jughead?” </p><p>“Toni cut a deal, with my dad. He, he pulled her aside a week or so before and told her he was going to retire, and that he was going to pass the mantle to me instead of her. And she was pissed, obviously, but my dad, he twisted the rules and there was nothing she could do about it, so she cut him a deal.”</p><p>Cheryl frowns, when FP retired it had been a shock to them all, including Jughead, so the notion that Toni knew about it beforehand took her aback. “What rule? What <em> deal </em>Jughead?”</p><p>“The Serpent’s were created from the Uktena as you know, Toni’s grandfather being one of the founding members. When they were first created they put a vote to decide who would lead them, the first King if you will, a man called Ethan Carter was voted leader and chose Thomas, Toni’s grandfather as his right hand.”</p><p>Cheryl absorbs this new information as if it’s some sacred secret. Whilst Toni had told her about her past and her family, Cheryl always yearned to know everything she could about the girl she loved, wanting to know every aspect that made Toni, well, <em> Toni. </em></p><p>“Well,” Jughead continues, “a few years after the Serpents were created, there was a fight over their land. The northside decided they wanted to own the Southside and the Serpents weren’t having it. The Serpent's won, but Ethan got killed during the fight, meaning Thomas took over as King.”</p><p>Cheryl sips her coffee, enjoying the feeling of the warmth spreading into her body. “Okay so Ethan was killed and Thomas took over, but what rule are you talking about, and I still don’t understand what this has to do with some kind of deal between Toni and FP.”</p><p>Jughead sighed and moved to lean his arms on the table, mirroring Cheryl as he too took a sip of his coffee, or rather, a gulp.</p><p>“When Thomas took over they set a new ruling that unless otherwise stated, the leadership of the Serpents, the crown as it were, would be passed down through to the first born child of the King, or in Anette’s case, Queen. They wanted to keep the leadership within the Uktena bloodline, hence Toni being a Serpent by blood.”</p><p>Cheryl frowns, “this still doesn’t explain why FP made you King, if anything it makes it even harder to understand because not only was it Anette’s wish, but Toni being Queen is her birthright. And, unless I’m mistaken, you don't have Uktena blood.”</p><p>“My dad, when he told her he was making me king, he used the rule against her, said that he was king and as his eldest son the crown should go to me.”</p><p>“But-” Jughead can see anger burning in Cheryl’s eyes, “but he was only king because-”</p><p>“Because Anette asked him to be. In her head he was just holding Toni’s place until she was old enough to have her rightful title.” Jughead closes his eyes and leans back against the back of the seat, he knew how it sounded, he knew the betrayal his father had done.</p><p>“So FP broke his promise to Toni’s mom, made you King, and denied not only Toni her birthright, but broke the wish of the Serpent founders by keeping leadership in the Uktena bloodline.” At realising the full extent of FP’s actions, Cheryl’s anger grows.</p><p>Jughead takes another mouthful of coffee as Cheryl frowns, “okay so you aren’t the only Jones to screw over the Topaz’s. But what deal, you said Toni made a deal with FP.”</p><p>The boy king swallows and nods, preparing to inform Cheryl of a secret he wasn’t even supposed to know, let alone speak to anyone, let alone <em> her. </em></p><p>“When, when someone wants to join the Serpents, before they even go through initiation, there’s a vote. A vote by every single current member as to whether or not they’re allowed to join. In order for someone to be accepted, the vote must be unanimous.” Cheryl exhales, she can already sense what’s coming.</p><p>“When Toni called a meeting to cast the vote for you,” he hesitates, “it, wasn’t.”</p><p>Although she knew it was coming, Cheryl would be lying if she said hearing Jughead say it aloud didn’t hurt, “let me guess, as always my surname caused <em> issues.” </em></p><p>Jughead sighs, but nods, “despite all you’d done for the Serpents, a few of the older Serpents were, <em> concerned, </em> about your family’s past, and, to say it bluntly, some never got over the fact a Blossom helped Pickens in the slaughter of the Uktena in the first place.”</p><p>Cheryl’s heart ached, she still couldn’t believe the true Blossom history. Well, she could <em> believe it, </em> she herself had bared witness to unspeakable acts at the hand of a Blossom, but accepting that her ancestors were capable of such a thing, she would never.</p><p>Jughead drained the last of his coffee from the cup and slumped in his seat, “if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first to be denied votes because of your family.”</p><p>“Who,” she trails off, realisation hitting her, “Betty.”</p><p>Jughead nods, “there was a lot of anger lingering towards Alice, and that bitterness followed Betty by extension. And, well, I said no too.”</p><p>This takes Cheryl by surprise, Betty was currently the Serpent Queen - that thought alone caused Cheryls’ rage to spike, remembering how upset Toni had been when she found out - so to hear Jughead had voted against her joining in the first place. “But, she became one anyway, what changed?” </p><p>“People changed their minds, she did the dance and people started seeing she was different from Alice, plus there was that whole thing with her helping my dad,” Jughead at least has the decency to look ashamed, “and, well, by the end of it I was the only one saying no and I realised I couldn’t stop her.”</p><p>Cheryl nods, it makes sense, Betty always managed to somehow get what she wanted, one way or another.</p><p>“This still doesn’t explain why Toni was making a deal with your father.”</p><p>“She, she did it for you. When he told her he was making me King instead of her she was angry, but she knew she couldn’t do anything about it unless she had enough support. So she cut a deal with my dad, she wouldn’t try to fight me becoming king if-”</p><p>Cheryl cuts him off, putting two and two together, “if he overruled and let me into the Serpents.”</p><p>Jughead sighs, but nods. “She knew you needed a family, hell if anyone knows what it’s like to grow up alone it’s Toni, and she knew that being a part of the Serpents would mean a lot to you.”</p><p>Tears spring to Cheryl's eyes, Toni bartered her own birthright, her own legacy for <em> her. </em> Jughead exhales, “she, she also made him change the initiation. God knows she’s been trying to get that dance outlawed for years and, well, she finally did.”</p><p>“Which explains why I never had to do it.” Cheryl shakes her head, finishing her coffee and watching as droplets of rain began to hit the window. </p><p>“She, she never told me.” </p><p>“Of course she didn’t, she didn't want you to know, she, she wanted you to have somewhere you belonged, somewhere you felt you were wanted, and she knew if you found out you would worry that your place in the Serpents wasn’t fully accepted.”</p><p>Cheryl sighs, Toni was right, even though she wasn’t a Serpent anymore, hearing that there were some who didn’t want her there, it hurt.</p><p>“But Cheryl,” Jughead places a hand on her forearm, currently resting on the table, and Cheryl has half a mind to pull it away, “you have to know, by the time my dad called the meeting to announce he was overruling the vote, there was no need, the few that had disagreed changed their minds. They saw how you were with Toni, and, well to put it bluntly they trusted her, they saw that if she was willing to put aside the past, especially considering her ancestry and its link to yours, then perhaps they should too. When I put that Jacket on you, it was a unanimous vote, my dad didn’t have to say a word.”</p><p>Cheryl looks down at his hand still on her arm, “why are you telling me this?”</p><p>He shrugs, “I thought you should know. Your place wasn’t bought or bargained for, it was wanted.”</p><p>Cheryl pulls her arm away and laughs, it’s hollow and empty, “fat lot of good that does me now, didn’t you hear, I’m not a Serpent anymore.”</p><p>The bitterness in her voice is clear, Cheryls pain is still raw and very real. She hadn’t spent much time over the past week acknowledging her own feelings, too preoccupied with Toni and trying to be there for her in every way she could be, but it didn’t mean the pain wasn’t there, it was simply pushed down deep inside her heart, a skill she was well versed in.</p><p>A moment of quiet settles over them, Jughead manages to catch the eye of the waitress, ordering them another coffee each as Cheryl checks her phone, no messages from Toni, that was something at least.</p><p>As Rachael refills their cups, Jughead looks around the diner. It was getting late and consequently Pop’s was beginning to quieten down, only a few other patrons scattered around. Cheryl is glad Veronica wasn’t working tonight and that La Bonne Nuit was shut to recuperate and restock after the blow out party the night before - her and Toni hadn’t gone obviously but their friends more than understood.</p><p>“It should have been her, Toni was supposed to be Queen not me. God knows she’d have done a better job than this mess I’ve gotten us into.” Jughead's voice is sullen, as if the true weight of not only <em> that night, </em> but also the underlying weight of many things before, was truly settling on his shoulders.</p><p>“Jughead, it’s not too late to fix this, I told you yesterday, there’s still time to do what’s right, reinstate her.” Cheryl’s eyes roam his face, searching for any clue to his feelings regarding their conversation the night before, but finding nothing more than a boy in a situation way over his depth.</p><p>“I know, I told you I’d think about it, and I did, I, that’s why I called you. I wanted to tell you first that, I, um, I’ll let her back in.”</p><p>Cheryl looks up, her eyes bearing into Jughead as if she didn’t quite believe what he was saying. It, it worked, her conversation with him yesterday, she’d finally done some good.</p><p>“But Cheryl, I, you, you can’t-” he fumbles over his words but Cheryl cuts him off, knowing exactly what he was trying to say, it would appear his good had limitations.</p><p>“I know Jughead, I get it. I told you I didn’t care about you bringing me back, I only care about Toni.”</p><p>“Cheryl, I know that’s not true, I know you <em> care, </em> I just, after what you did, I…” he trails off, not quite able to say it to her face. </p><p>“You need someone to blame. I told you Jughead, use me as the scapegoat if you must, the only thing I care about is Toni going back to her family.”</p><p>Jughead looks at her and honestly Cheryl finds herself becoming almost <em> uncomfortable </em> under his gaze. It’s like he’s trying to figure her out, as if he can stare into her soul and unravel all her mysteries. <em> The joke’s on him, </em> she thinks, <em> there’s only one person who’s ever been able to do that and she’s at home waiting for me. </em></p><p>‘I know we never really got along, you and I, but for the record, I’m sorry for, well, for everything.” She did nothing to even acknowledge his apology - after all she’d endured because of him, it was going to take a lot more than a sorry to earn that - when she told him he would never be forgiven for exhiling her and Toni she meant it. However if Cheryl was looking for any hint of insincerity, in his apology she wouldn’t find it. For once in his life, Jughead Jones was seeing Cheryl Blossom for exactly who she was and nothing more; a lonely girl trying to make do with the shitty hand life had dealt her - not unlike someone else he knew. </p><p>Cheryl checks the time on her phone, it’s late, she knows she’s been gone far later than she’d hoped, and drinks her coffee in one go, Jughead doing the same. She’s not entirely sure where they go from here. Yes Jughead said he’d reinstate Toni, but how he was going to go about it, let alone tell her was an entirely different story. As if sensing her train of thought Jughead breaks the moment of quiet that had once again settled over them, “I was thinking, maybe, I could tell Toni in person, maybe ask her to meet me here tomorrow?” Cheryl shakes her head, knowing that would never happen, “she wouldn’t come. Not only would she not even entertain the idea of being around you right now, apart from school, Toni doesn’t leave the house. She didn't even want to go to Frankie’s with Fangs and Sweet Pea. There’s no way you would get her here tomorrow, especially just you two.”</p><p>“Wait, Frankie’s, the pizza place? She loves that place she’d do anything for Frankie’s.”</p><p>Cheryl shakes her head, “they tried the other day, but she wouldn’t leave.”</p><p>Jughead sighs, the more he heard about Toni’s behaviour, the more his guilt ate away at him. At first it was easy to pretend that his actions were justified, that what he’d done to both Toni and Cheryl was their own fault, but the more he’d seen and heard of Toni and her pain, the more he’d witnessed her curling in on herself and the fire within her soul dying, it became harder to ignore that deep down, he knew his actions were uncalled for. </p><p>Cheryl sighs, knowing that the only way Jughead was going to get to speak to Toni is if she brought Jughead to her, and that meant bringing him to Thistlehouse, unannounced, so she had no way to hide. Cheryl’s heart ached at the notion she was going to cause Toni distress for a third day in a row, but this time the ache was soothed by the thought that hopefully, it will have all been worth it. “As much as I hate the idea of bombarding her, you’ll have to come to Thistlehouse, it’s the only way you’ll be able to speak to her alone.”</p><p>Jughead sighs, knowing Cheryl was right, there was no way he was going to get her alone unless he surprised her, he’d caused too much damage for her to ever willingly agree to meet.</p><p>“Okay, well I’ll come round tomorrow then?” Cheryl checks the time again on her phone and knows she should go, the longer Toni was left alone the worse the repercussions, “yeah, okay. Look Jughead I need to go, I’ve already been gone from Toni too long,” he nods grabbing his beloved beanie and putting it on, “I should be heading home too.” Cheryl stands, leaving a $20 bill on the table, more than enough to cover their bill, and makes her way to the door Jughead following, “you didn’t need to pay Cheryl.” She simply waves her hand telling him to let it go, there were more important things going on right now than cups of coffee. They make their way outside and down the steps, Cheryl telling Jughead to text her before he arrived tomorrow so she could ensure it was her who opened the door.</p><p>As she turns and walks towards her car, Jughead calls out, “Cheryl,” she turns to face him, “what you’ve done for Toni, what you’re willing to do for her. You, you’re a good person Cheryl, I’m sorry it’s taken this long for me to finally start seeing it.” Cheryl laughs, if only he knew the true her. Sometimes Cheryl wondered what it would be like to be her true, unfiltered self more often around people other than Toni, and then she thinks back to others assumed judgements of her throughout the years and is reminded of why she locked her heart away in the first place. “There’s a difference between who I am and what I show Jughead, a wolf doesn't concern itself with the opinions of sheep.”</p><p>If Jughead has a comment in reply, he keeps it to himself, instead sending her a resolute nod and simply saying “tomorrow.” She sends him a half smile in response, “tomorrow,” before getting into her car and watching as Jughead makes his way towards his bike across the parking lot.</p><p>Cheryl arrives home and makes her way upstairs, smiling as she sees Toni fast asleep in bed, toy bunny clutched to her chest. She changes and slides in next to her, gently pulling Toni into her arms and pressing a kiss against her forehead. “You’re back.” Toni’s voice rasps and Cheryl realises she’s either been woken up by Cheryl’s movement, or she’d never gone to sleep in the first place. Something tells her it was the latter. “I’m back TT, I promised you I would be, a bit later than expected but I’m here okay? Now try and get some sleep darling.”</p><p>She feels Toni nod gently and nestle into her chest, and Cheryl can’t help but think over her conversation with Jughead. And there, laying in bed with Toni held tightly to her chest, exactly a week after Jughead Jones ripped everything away from them, Cheryl can’t help but allow herself to feel something in her heart begin to grow, hope.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Life is tough but darling so are you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey friends!</p><p>I'm back with another update finally woo! Only a couple chapters left now :(<br/>This chap is just over 6k and ngl its kinda heavy so sorry in advance, but things are finally beginning to look up for our favourite girl!</p><p>Hope you enjoy and as always comments and kudos are muchly appreciated!</p><p>Luce :D</p><p>twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunday morning was gloomy and the sky filled with drizzle. Neither Cheryl nor Toni had much desire to get up, resulting in them having a lazy morning cuddling in bed. Toni seemed quieter than usual but Cheryl assumes it's the result of not only her absences the past three nights, resulting in a notable rise in Toni’s anxiety levels, but also the realisation that yesterday marked a week since her exile from her family.</p><p>It’s early afternoon, the pair cuddled up under blankets watching TV after a few hours of studying, when Cheryl’s phone chimes. Cheryl discreetly checks the message, knowing it’s very likely to be Jughead letting her know he was on his way. She feels her nerves spiking upon seeing she was indeed correct and Jughead would <em> “be there in 15.”  </em></p><p>If Toni picks up on Cheryl's growing nervousness over the next 15 minutes she doesn’t show it. The redhead can’t help but worry that all her efforts over the past few days all come down to what happens next. She has no idea what’s about to happen, whether Toni will be upset with her for talking to Jughead, for lying about her whereabouts. She hasn't a clue how her love is going to react to seeing Jughead, if she’ll even hear him out. She doesn’t know how Jughead‘s going to approach her or the conversation, or if Toni will even accept him asking her to come back. Or perhaps most importantly, how she’ll react when she learns Cheryl won’t be joining her.</p><p>Cheryl’s heart is pounding at the sheer unknown of what’s about to happen, and her lack of control over any aspect of the outcome. She worries what will happen if her speaking to Jughead doesn’t come to fruition. If this fails, for whatever reason, she has absolutely no clue what will come next.</p><p>Cheryl’s pulled from her thoughts by the chiming of the doorbell signaling the Serpent King’s arrival. Toni looks to her quizzically, they weren’t expecting anyone, well, not to her knowledge. Cheryl gets up and heads towards the door, kissing Toni’s forehead as she goes, sending her a silent plea not to hate her for what was about to happen.</p><p>Cheryl takes a breath before opening the heavy wooden door to reveal Jughead, looking as dishevelled and nervous as she felt. “Hi Cheryl.”</p><p>“Jughead. Toni’s in the living room, are you ready?” The boy king exhales, trying to steady his apprehension, “as I’ll ever be.” Cheryl steps back, allowing Jughead to enter before closing the door behind him and leading him into the living room.</p><p>“Who was at the door ba…” Toni trails off as she sees Cheryl standing in the doorway, or rather, who was standing behind her. Toni’s eyes flicker between them, trying to piece together what was happening, why <em> he </em> of all people was currently standing in front of her, shifting nervously on his feet, and why Cheryl hadn’t showered him with biting insults and slammed the door in his face. </p><p>Or more importantly, why Cheryl didn’t look the least bit surprised by his appearance. </p><p>“Cher,” Toni’s tone is filled with apprehension, “Cher what’s happening?” Cheryl clasps her hands together in front of her looking down at them, unable to look her love in the eye, her heart aching at how <em> lost </em> Toni seemed. “TT, please don't be angry with me but, the other night, I, I wasn’t just out for a drive, I,” she sighs and looks up, eyes meeting Toni's furrowed ones, “I went to the Southside to speak with Jughead.”</p><p>Toni’s eyes narrow before she sighs, assuming the worst and knowing she doesn’t have the energy to fight against whatever was about to happen. As a quiet “oh” escapes Toni’s lips, Jughead finally realises the true extent of the damage he’s done. When he’d first entered Thistlehouse he could practically feel the pain radiating from the two empty pegs in the hallway - where he knew their jackets used to proudly hang - and initially that’d had told him all he needed to know, but looking at Toni now, looking at the ghost of the Toni he once knew, Jughead’s heart pains as he sees the full severity of his actions.</p><p>Looking at the girl in front of him, he couldn’t quite believe that this was Toni Topaz. That this was the girl he always knew was the true definition of loyalty. A girl full of wit and charm. The girl who would do whatever it took to protect those around her, that would always fight for her family. The fact the Serpents were currently in employment, earning a steady wage and able to provide for their families, was a testament to that. Toni was someone that, ever since that first day at the entrance to Southside High, he could practically see the fire inside of, her soul burning brightly and touching all those that knew her. </p><p>But this girl, huddled up under blankets with dark circles under raw, red eyes, the girl he’d witnessed silently walking around Riverdale High like a shadow, not speaking unless necessary, clinging to Cheryl's side - or Veronica or Josie’s when Cheryl couldn’t be there for whatever reason - this wasn’t the girl he knew. This wasn’t Toni Topaz. </p><p>Toni used to be so full of energy, fierce and confident, able to crack a witty comment or joke within a second. Toni whose natural, irresistible charm made all those she met instantly take a liking to her. Toni who was independent and incredibly intelligent, who loved education and adored crime and documentaries, who could come up with multiple feasible solutions and theories for any given situation before he and Betty could even one.</p><p>Jughead looked at this defeated shadow of a girl, who barely spoke and couldn’t bear to be alone for more than a few moments, and he feels nothing but guilt and shame for what he’s caused.</p><p>Cheryl was right, this was all <em> so unnecessary. </em> Jughead knew he didn’t have to do what he did. He knew he’d overreacted and his attempt to force himself to be seen as this all powerful King had only backfired. Not only had he hurt Toni, and Cheryl, the Serpents were further apart then they’d ever been, his hold on them having only slipped even further. At the meeting the other day he could barely say three words before someone made a snarky comment or a face. And that’s not ignoring the fact that a handful of them, including Sweet Pea and Fangs hadn’t even shown up in the first place.</p><p>Cheryl and Jughead watch as Toni simply sighs, resigning herself to the understanding this conversation was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not. It was inevitable, and if she didn’t have it now she would only be prolonging it and have to face it later. </p><p>Jughead pulls his beanie from his head at an attempt to be respectful, toying with it in his hands. “Toni,” despite doing his best to keep his voice gentle, she practically flinches at the sound of him saying her name, “I, I’d like to speak with you, if that's alright?”</p><p>Toni frowns, but nods, wanting this to be over and done with as quickly as possible. Not knowing the true reason for Jughead's presence and assuming he was here to try and defend himself in some way or another and cause her even more pain than he already had.</p><p>Upon seeing Toni nod gently, Cheryl steps aside and Jughead makes his way to the armchair across the room, taking a seat as Cheryl moves to stand in front of Toni. She cups her cheek softly, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead as her love looks up at her, eyes filled with anxiety and apprehension. </p><p>“I’ll be in the kitchen sweetheart, if you need anything all you have to do is call okay? And, I’m sorry, for springing this on you, but please baby, please try to hear what he has to say.” At this Toni frowns. After her, Cheryl is the last person that gives a damn about anything Jughead has to say, so why was she asking her to listen to him now?</p><p>Seeing Cheryl’s intense gaze, Toni responds with a quiet “okay” before Cheryl’s pressing another kiss atop her head and heading to the doorway, turning to face them both before she leaves, “I’ll leave you both to it, I’ll be in the kitchen should you require me.”</p><p>Cheryl sends a look to Jughead as if to say ‘you better be careful’ before shifting her gaze to look at Toni one last time and making her way towards the kitchen, silently hoping that this doesn’t end in disaster.</p><p>The air of the living room is thick with tension, Toni desperately yearning for Cheryl to come back and Jughead having no idea how to approach this conversation. He’d come up with what he wanted to say on the ride over, but one look at Toni had erased it all from his mind.</p><p>He looks back down to his beanie, getting lost in his thoughts. He wasn’t good at admitting his mistakes, or apologising for that matter, and so to say he was unsure of how to handle this was an understatement.</p><p>He tries to keep his voice as gentle as he can when he speaks. “Cheryl, she mentioned to you that she came to talk to me the other night, and, before you say anything, please don’t be mad at her. She was worried for you, she came to speak to me, to talk to me about, well, everything.” Toni frowns, her mind swirling with questions. When did Cheryl see him? Is that where she’s been these past nights? Did Veronica need help or was that a false pretence too? What did Cheryl say to him? What did Cheryl say about <em> her? </em> </p><p>Jughead’s voice pulls her from her thoughts, “Toni, I, Cheryl made me realise something. Something I was trying to lie to myself about, to ignore and pretend wasn’t my fault, but, well, it was.”</p><p>He sighs heavily, looking towards his beanie in his hands as Toni frowns in confusion, “Toni I, <em> I’m so sorry.” </em></p><p>Of all the things Toni had thought he was going to say, <em> that </em> was not one of them. Jughead was <em> apologising? </em></p><p>She looks to him, her eyebrows raising, as he lifts his own gaze to meet hers. </p><p>“I, what I did to you and Cheryl, it, it was wrong, and I want to make it right. I want you to come back to the Serpents.” Toni wonders if this is some sort of dream. If she’s fallen asleep whilst cuddling with Cheryl on the sofa and is in some sort of dreamland. She almost wants to pinch herself. </p><p>“I,” her voice is quiet and raspy, its disuse evident, “I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>Jughead nods, understanding this is a lot for her to process right now.</p><p>“Cheryl and I, we talked a lot and she made me realise my actions had consequences. Consequences I was trying to pretend weren’t there. Toni, I know what the Serpents meant to you, <em> mean </em> to you. They’re your family and I know they make you feel close to your Mom. I shouldn’t have taken that from you. I, I had no right.”</p><p>Toni’s eyes begin to tear at the mention of her Mother. Throughout this entire ordeal that’s what had gotten to her the most. That the Serpents were the only connection she had to a Mom she never got the chance to know. Anette had known the Serpents would look after Toni and keep her safe, that’s why she knew her mom had told FP to watch over her until she was of age. Her Mom knew the Serpents would be there for her and protect her as she wanted to, but, thanks to a mission gone wrong, she would never get the chance. But then again, look how well that turned out. FP had stabbed her in the back and handed the crown to his own blood instead. To a boy who’d been in The Serpents mere months, over her, who was not only heir to the crown by bloodline and birthright, but who’d been part of that family for years. To say she harboured resentment towards FP would be an understatement.  </p><p>“No, you didn’t have the right,” Toni’s voice is raw and raspy as she resigns herself to ask the question she already knew the answer to, “so why did you?”</p><p>Jughead sighs. He knew this question from Toni would come, but he’d, perhaps naively, hoped somehow it wouldn’t, knowing there was nothing to say other than the truth. “I, I needed to show them I was the one in charge, that I was the King. I was losing control of everything, of The Serpents, of things with Gryphons and Gargoyles, of what was going on with Archie, things happening with the ghoulies, all of it. And when I left, I’d left the Serpents barely together and struggling, and then I came back and saw how, in the space of a few weeks, you’d managed to do what I knew I never could. You restored hope in them. I knew they saw you as a leader, and to an extent Cheryl by association. I saw how they were happy to be led by you and I knew that I’d begun to lose grip on them and I just, I needed to regain power, control.”</p><p>Toni laughs, hollow and empty, “so you admit it had <em> nothing </em> to do with what Cheryl and I did? That you used it as an excuse because it was convenient. That it was all a false pretence to fulfil your own motive.” Jughead rubs the back of his neck with his hand, looking at the floor guiltily. “Toni I, I know what I did was wrong, I caused you pain, I, I fucked up, I know I did. And I know it took longer than it should have for me to admit it. It shouldn’t have taken Cheryl speaking to me in order for me to realise I screwed up.”</p><p>“No,” Toni interrupts him laughing emptily, “no it shouldn’t have. And also when did Cheryl speak to you? How long has this been going on without me having a clue?”</p><p>Jughead looks to the doorway in which Cheryl left through, “honestly Toni I think that should be a conversation between the two of you. But please Toni, <em> please </em> don’t be angry with her. I know she went behind your back and didn’t tell you she was speaking to me, but she did it <em> for you. </em> She saw how hurt you were and she was desperate to do whatever she thought she could to fix it. So please, Toni, don’t be angry at her, she knew you’d never let her go if you were aware of what she was up to.”</p><p>Toni sighs, knowing ultimately Jughead was right. If she’d have known what Cheryl was doing she’d have never let her go anywhere near the boy that took everything from her. She’d barely been able to bring herself to say Jughead’s name this past week, so letting Cheryl go and talk to him alone would have been completely out of the question. </p><p>Jughead can see that Toni’s at a crossroads, it’s written across her face clear as day. She’s torn between being angry that Cheryl lied and touched that Cheryl would do all of that for her. “Toni, please, she did it to help. To make me see the only person that could make things right was me. I know she deceived you, but she did it <em> for </em> you. So <em> please </em> I know you don’t want anything to do with me right now, but please Toni, don’t be angry with Cheryl.”</p><p>Toni shakes her head and exhales heavily, “I’m, I’m not.” She knows in her head that, yes, Cheryl lied to her and yes, Cheryl went behind her back and more than likely spoke with Jughead about things she would never want either of them to know about her, but in her heart, ultimately, Toni knows Cheryl did it for her. <em> To help her. </em> “I’m not mad at her, I swear.”</p><p>Jughead nods, glad that there wouldn’t be yet more destruction from his actions. “Toni, I meant what I said, I’m here to ask you back to the Serpents. To come home.” </p><p>Toni’s brow furrows, her eyes bearing into Jugheads, as if she was searching for even the tiniest hint that he was lying, hunting for any semblance of deceit in his words. When she finds none she closes her eyes, bowing her head and sighing heavily. Could it really be this easy? After all this. After all the pain her and Cheryl have been forced to deal with, after all the heartache, was it really this simple? They were back in just like that?</p><p>“What, just like that?” Jughead was expecting Toni’s surprise, knowing when she first saw him she’d more than likely assumed the worst would happen, But then again why wouldn’t she? After all he’d caused her, Jughead guesses it’s only right she'd have trepidation towards him.</p><p>He nods. “Just like that.”</p><p>A moment passes, and Jughead begins to feel awkward in the silence, but before he can break it, Toni speaks up. “I,” she looks up at him and Jughead is almost taken aback by the sheer strength in her eyes. A strength he hadn’t seen since <em> that night. </em> “Okay.” she nods, “I’ll come back. But, if I find out for even a second that you’re planning something to hurt Cheryl or I again we’re out of there. We’re not coming back just so you can use or hurt us okay?”</p><p>Jughead’s heart drops. He knows he has to break the news to her. He has to tell Toni the truth about her return, about the deal made between himself and Cheryl. That Toni’s return would be alone.</p><p>Jughead drops his gaze, unable to look her in the eye as he says his next words “Toni, Cheryl she, she isn’t coming back.”</p><p>What? <em> Cheryl wasn’t what? </em> </p><p>Toni blinks as she tries to comprehend what she’d just heard. She knew it all sounded too easy. Toni knew there had to be a catch, and she was right, there it was. And the catch was Cheryl. <em> Of course </em> it was.</p><p>“What? Why wouldn’t she come back, she loves the Serpents, she has to come back-”</p><p>“Toni-” Jughead tries to stop Toni’s impending panic and anger, but the damage, as they say, is already done.</p><p>Toni’s voice rises, “no, no you said it yourself, what you did to us was wrong, that includes Cheryl, she has to come back, I, you can’t not let her.”</p><p>Upon hearing Toni’s growing agitation, Cheryl makes her way to the living room, kneeling on the floor in front of Toni and taking her hands in her own, “Toni-”</p><p>“Cher, Jughead just said you weren't coming back to the Serpents, but you have to, you-”</p><p>Cheryl’s heart aches as Toni’s eyes fill with tears and confusion. She looks like a scared little kid that’s lost and confused and has no control over anything happening to her. Though Cheryl guesses that’s exactly how she must feel after being blindsided, not only by Jughead’s presence and learning the truth behind Cheryl’s whereabouts, but to find the Serpent King was offering her a chance to come home, but to come home alone. </p><p>“TT, sweetheart, it’s okay.” As Cheryl tries to calm her, Toni’s agitation only grows as she shakes her head, a quiet repetition of, “no, no, no,” leaving her lips. “Toni, darling, it’s okay, it’s been decided.”</p><p>Toni’s eyes snap to the boy sitting across from her, anger burning brightly and voice raising, tears born out of frustration rolling down her cheeks. “You have to. You have to let her back in. Cheryl belongs there, she’s a Serpent too, you can’t just shut her out. After <em> everything </em> you’ve put her through, after all you’ve done to her, <em> to us. </em> You can’t. You <em> owe her.” </em></p><p>Cheryl tries to stop the attack directed at Jughead, her heart aching as she hears Toni fighting for her, fighting for her place on the Serpents. She knew what she had to do, she had to admit that Jughead wasn’t the one who brought the deal to the table. Not that she’d ever let Toni find out the full truth, that Cheryl sacrificed herself, using her place in the Serpents to barter for Toni’s. “TT, Jughead didn’t decide this. I told him, I made the decision.” </p><p>Toni falters as her gaze moves back to Cheryl. Her frown deepens, as does her confusion, <em>“you told him?</em> <em>You</em> decided? But Cher you love the Serpents you can’t-” </p><p>Cheryl cuts her off once more, squeezing her hands gently, “TT it’s okay, truly. I’m the one who decided it.”</p><p>Toni shakes her head, she was just so <em> confused. </em> It’s not right. Cheryl <em> loved </em> being a Serpent, why would she give that up? Cheryl belonged there, as did she, Toni knew the redhead would do anything for ‘her band of ragamuffins’ as she called them. She didn’t want to be a Serpent without Cheryl by her side. She’d gotten used to having her next to her, having ‘their spot’ at meetings, talking shit about Jughead at said meetings. Being there without her, it just wouldn’t feel the same anymore. If Cheryl couldn’t go back to her family, Toni didn’t want to go back either. “Well if Cheryl isn’t going back then nor am I.”</p><p>“TT, as much as I love you for saying that, you know you don’t truly mean it.” Toni frowns at her, ready to argue that she absolutely <em> did mean it, </em> but before she could, Jughead speaks up. “Toni, the Serpents are your family, your home.”</p><p>“But they’re Cher’s family too. I’m not going back without you, it, it’s not right.” Tears escape and begin to roll down Toni’s cheeks at not only the thought of Cheryl not going back with her, but also at the frustration that Cheryl seemed to have already accepted her fate.</p><p>“Not like they are yours TT. It’s okay my love, truly, I’ve accepted it.”</p><p>“No, no it’s not right,” Toni shakes her head and more tears fall, “Cher you <em> loved </em> being a Serpent, you can’t tell me you didn’t finally feel like you fit in somewhere, that you were <em> wanted </em> somewhere. You loved being a Serpent, I know you did.”</p><p>Every word Toni says stabs at Cheryl’s heart. <em> Of course </em> she adored the Serpents, and of course Toni was right, Cheryl did feel at home there, well <em> had. </em> “Toni, darling, it’s what must be done. But you, you can’t not go back because of this. They’re your true family, the Serpents are where you belong and we all know it. If you don’t go back you’ll resent it, and you’ll grow to resent <em> me </em> for being the reason you didn’t return. So please, don’t make a foolish choice because you think it’ll otherwise compromise your loyalty. You being a Serpent is your birthright, don’t throw that away for me, I’m, I’m not worth it.”</p><p>Toni’s eyes burn with a ferocity Cheryl hasn’t seen in days, a fire reawakens within her, and Cheryl’s almost taken aback by the strength behind it. “You, Cheryl Blossom, are <em> always </em> worth it. No matter what you think, you’re worth so much, more than you’ll ever truly know. The Serpents might be my home, but so are you.”</p><p>Cheryl’s eyes water with the sheer force that Toni spoke with, as Jughead takes in the moment. He sees the way Toni’s eyes burn with a fire, a fierceness that he’d only seen a few times within her before. A strength deep within her soul that so many only wished they had. That <em> he </em> wished he had. </p><p>A tear escapes its hold, running down Cheryl’s cheek as she desperately tries to get Toni to see where she’s coming from. “Toni, <em> please, </em> you have to go back without me, I won’t be able to accept it if I know I’m the reason you didn’t go back to your family.”</p><p>Toni sighs in frustration, “Cheryl, don’t you get it? You’re my family too.”</p><p>Cheryl shakes her head, Toni was making this so much more difficult than Cheryl envisioned it being. She’d known Toni would put up a fight, but she hadn’t thought it would be anything quite like this. Ater how she’d been this week, Cheryl had assumed Toni didn’t have much fight left in her. It appeared however, that she couldn’t’ve been more wrong. When it came to Cheryl, Toni’s strength and fight knew no limitation. More tears spill as Cheryl comes to the realisation that Toni would <em> always </em> fight for her. Toni would always stick with her and do what was right by her. And now, no matter at what cost to her own self, Cheryl had to fight back. To fight for Toni to return home. She had to fight for Toni as hard as the smaller girl was fighting for her. No, harder.</p><p>“Toni please, for, for me, I couldn’t bear it if I thought I was the sole reason you didn’t go back.” Cheryl connects her eyes with Jughead’s knowing this was the agreement, as much as Toni didn’t understand, this is what Cheryl agreed. Toni went back, she didn’t. Cheryl swallows every ounce of pride left in her, and lies. “Toni, I’ve made my decision and I’ve accepted it, I’m okay with it. I’m not going to be a Serpent again and that’s okay, that’s on me, it’s my choice. But you, you have the chance to be with your family again. The chance to go back where you belong, to have your place back. <em> Please </em> don’t throw that away because of me.”</p><p>“But Cher,” Toni sniffles, “it’s, it’s not right.”</p><p>“It’s how it is Toni, there’s no changing it.”</p><p>Toni slumps in defeat, looking at the floor. The way Cheryl's talking, she knows this fight was lost long before it even began. Cheryl had accepted her decision before Toni even knew she’d made one.</p><p>“But <em> why </em> Cher? I don’t get it. You <em> love </em> the Serpents, you love being a part of them. They make you feel like you belong. Why are you doing this?”</p><p>Cheryl sighs, making eye contact with Jughead, “it's just the way it has to be Toni, and I’ve accepted it.”</p><p>Toni’s too lost in her own mind to piece together the meaning behind her girlfriend's words, to work out that Cheryl was lying through her teeth. That there was nothing more that Cheryl desperately wanted than to be part of the Serpents again, but she’d given it up in order to secure Toni’s return to where she belonged.</p><p>Cheryl lets go of one of Toni’s hands to reach up and cup her cheek, wiping her tears with the pad of her thumb and gently guiding Toni to look at her. “Toni, my love, I <em> adore </em> the Serpents and yes, they were my adopted family. But to you, being a Serpent is so much <em> more </em> than that. To you they aren’t a group of ragamuffins you’ve squeezed yourself into. They’re <em> who you are. </em> Serpent blood runs through your veins, <em> true </em> Serpent blood, <em> Uktena blood. </em> The Serpents, they’re your family, your home. You belong there. Your Mom was Serpent Queen and your Grandfather Serpent King before her. Their blood is your blood, and it’s Serpent blood. Toni, being a Serpent, it’s who you are, it’s a part of you. You have the chance to go home, for the mistake that was made to be undone, to go back where you <em> belong. </em> Don’t throw that away.”</p><p>Toni sighs, she knew Cheryl was right, this was her chance to retake her place, and she knew if she turned Jughead down now, there’d be no going back on it later. It was now or never. She just didn’t understand <em> why </em> Cheryl wasn’t fighting to come back with her and instead fighting only to ensure Toni herself went back. It was as if she didn’t care about anything other than Toni going back to the Serpents, as if it was her only concern and she was hellbent on making it happen.</p><p>Toni looks to Jughead, then back to Cheryl, before dropping her head and sighing. She desperately wanted to go back. And yes, okay, she wasn’t exactly ecstatic about the notion of going back under the leadership of the very same boy who’d stolen her crown and kicked her out in the first place, but she couldn’t win everything. Toni knows that this is it, either she goes back to the Serpents now, without Cheryl and once again under Jugheads rule, or she didn’t go back ever. This was <em> so hard. </em> She didn’t have enough energy to deal with all this. She was stuck at a crossroads with no idea which path to take. </p><p>Toni looks up and is met with Cheryl looking intently at her, eyes bearing into her soul, silently begging for her to listen to what she’d said and take her rightful place back. Toni looks into Cheryl's eyes and makes her decision. If Cheryl was so hellbent on her going back, so intent on her being a Serpent again, then Toni knew what her answer had to be.</p><p>“Are you sure?” She gives Cheryl one final chance, one more chance to tell her no. To tell her to stop and not to go back without her. To tell her not sit next to an empty spot at meetings, to not leave only one peg empty in the hallway. But Toni knows that moment will never come, and Cheryl knows that moment <em> can’t </em> ever come. No matter how desperately she wants her place back, Cheryl stands by her decision. No matter the pain it's causing her right now, no matter how badly she wishes the circumstance was different, Toni’s return to the Serpents is ultimately all she cares about. As long as Toni goes back she’ll deal with everything else later.</p><p>Cheryl resigns herself to her fate. “I’m sure.”</p><p>Toni scours Cheryl's eyes for any hint of untruthfulness, but finding nothing but earnest sincerity, she looks to Jughead and nods, “I’ll come back.”</p><p>Cheryl releases a breath she wasn’t even aware she was holding, her body feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her. But then again she supposes in a way it had. Toni was her world, the most important person in her life, and the knowledge that she was going back to her family, Cheryl finally felt like her sneaking around and self sacrifice had been worth it.</p><p>Jughead responds to Toni’s decision with a singular nod and somewhat pained smile. As much as he was happy Toni was coming back and his actions somewhat rectified, he couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest at watching Cheryl give up so much to make it happen. </p><p>Toni turns her gaze back to Cheryl as the redhead moves to sit beside her on the couch, and Jughead feels almost as if he’s invading on a private moment. He watches the way the pair connect without having to say a word, how questions are asked and answered with the slightest of looks, a frown, the raising of an eyebrow, there was just something so intimate about it. </p><p>Jughead looks at the girls in front of him and realises what he’s witnessing is something rare, something people spend years desperately yearning to find. True human connection, love and acceptance. Jughead's gaze shifts to Cheryl, and he knows that whatever he previously thought about the resident HBIC, whatever prejudice he had against the Northside queen, he was completely, unequivocally wrong. He’d come to the realisation after their conversation in his trailer, and it had only grown since their meeting yesterday at Pops. But as Jughead Jones looks at Cheryl Blossom, he doesn’t see an ice queen with a closed off heart, he doesn’t see a cutthroat girl willing to do whatever it takes to maintain her place on top. He saw a girl who had been through hell and back and suffered greatly because of it. A girl that everyone judged, wrongly. Someone, who after everything she’s been put through, had only ever been searching for one thing, love. And she’d found it in Toni. A girl she was willing to do anything for, even give up her place in the Serpents, a place everyone - even he - knew that she was proud to be a part of. He saw a girl who was willing to go to battle for the tiny, pink haired Southside Serpent that’d managed to slip through the cracks in the prison around her heart and show Cheryl that she was worthy of love and care. That she had value and worth. That she belonged was <em> wanted. </em> Cheryl was willing to give up everything for her, and Toni willing to give up everything in return. </p><p>Jughead shifts his gaze to Toni and looks at her, <em> really looks </em> at her. He sees how fiercely she was willing to fight for Cheryl, how she was ready to give up coming home for her. How her loyalty truly knew no bounds, how she would have given up her birthright, her only connection to her Mother for Cheryl, only stopping when Cheryl herself fought back against her. Jughead looks at the girl in front of him and sees things he only wishes he possessed in himself. He sees the embers of the fire within her soul roaring back to life. He sees the old Toni Topaz that they all know and love begin to reappear. </p><p>A thought enters his mind, and a plan begins to form. “Toni, I, if it’s okay with you, I don’t want you coming back to be some quiet, unacknowledged thing where you just quietly slip back in. I want to make up for what I did, and I want everyone to see you come back, and know that I accept my mistake. So, if you’ll allow me, I want to call a meeting. I want to make things right, and show everyone I mean it.”</p><p>Toni’s brow furrows in confusion, but she asks no questions. If she’s honest she’s finding this whole thing bittersweet, knowing she’s going home, but she's doing it without the girl her heart sees as home. She’s taking her place in the Serpents back, but the place next to her will remain empty, as will the peg in the hallway. Toni’s more than aware of the pain Cheryl is feeling right now. Whilst she’s still confused as to why Cheryl’s return won’t be happening in the first place and why she’d fought so hard to get Toni to return where she belongs, despite what she claimed, Toni knows Cheryl’s heart will be hurting. </p><p>Jughead stands, knowing he'd achieved what he came to accomplish and now he needed to actually set things in motion. “Okay well, I’m gonna go. I’ll let you know the details about the meeting, it’ll probably be next weekend but um, yeah I’ll let you know.”</p><p>Toni nods and replies with a quiet “okay,” the emotion of the day catching up with her and making her feel utterly <em> exhausted. </em> Cheryl sends Jughead a small smile, which he returns before making his way to the doorway to let himself out. Before he heads out, he turns once more to face the girls. “Oh and Toni,” she looks to him, “I just wanna say once more that I’m sorry for what I caused and, well, I’m glad you’re coming back.” She sends him a quiet thanks and he makes his way to the door, leaving the couple in peace.</p><p>As he heads out the door, Jughead comes to a realisation. In unity there is strength. The boy King <em> finally </em> understanding the true meaning of the Serpent rule. He’d witnessed it moments ago in the living room of Thistlehouse in Toni and Cheryl. They were so strong, not only individually, but together. They would never fail to protect and do right by one another, they were willing to go to battle for each other, willing to do whatever necessary, no matter the consequences to themselves. Those girls were a unit and together they could overcome anything. Jughead realised it was exactly the same when it came to the Serpents. Apart they were divided and weak, but together, as a unit, a <em> family </em> they were powerful, a force to be reckoned with. As Jughead walks to his bike he begins to set his plan in motion. He was going to truly fix this mess he’d created, and he knew exactly how. Pulling out his phone he dials a number, “hi, I need your help.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!</p><p>Luce :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The comeback is always greater than the setback.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath of Sunday night's conversation leaves Toni feeling more lost and confused than ever.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sup friends!</p><p>I know, I know it's been ages yet again, but anyone currently reading this thank you for your patience! Those of you who follow me on twitter will have seen my incessant complaining these past few weeks about how stressful this chapter has been. If I'm honest it's making my brain cry the amount I'm trying to cram in and things I'm trying to address - so please just bare with me on that front, and if I miss something or you're like 'oh but she hasn't adressed that yet' or whatever, it's more than likely coming - there's just a lottttt to flesh out and address!</p><p>This chap is 9k+ words, so hopefully that makes up for something!</p><p>As always let me know your thoughts and wotnot :)</p><p>Right I'll stop rambling now and let you read, hope you enjoy,</p><p>Luce :)</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Monday morning arrives sooner than both Toni and Cheryl would have liked, both girls making an unspoken decision to snooze the alarm in favour of an extra 15 mins in bed. When the second alarm blares however, they know there’s no snooze option this time and begin to get ready for the day. There’s an unacknowledged difference in the air between them, a kind of tension that had dug its roots in the previous evening, and was growing. Neither girl quite knew how to feel, both having mixed emotions regarding the outcome of last night and neither sure how to go about addressing them. </p><p>They finish getting ready and make their way to school, idle conversation masking the unspoken words between them. As they head to the main entrance to Riverdale High, they’re approached by Sweet Pea and Fangs, both of whom had managed to reconnect with Toni over the past few days, growing from unanswered texts of support to conversation flowing like old times. Well, as close as it could with this new, broken Toni. The boys had kept in contact with Cheryl the entire time, but had been wary of Toni needing space - especially as they remained members of the Serpents and were a stark reminder to Toni of all she’d lost every time she so much as saw their names.</p><p>The girls send the Serpents small smiles as and Toni slips her hand into Cheryl’s, enjoying the sense of comfort it brought her. As the boys fall into step beside the pair heading into school, Sweet Pea raises an eyebrow at the redhead. Having been made aware of Toni’s acceptance of Jughead’s request for her to come back to the Serpents, Sweet Pea wanted to check in with how his friend was faring. Seeing his questioning gaze, Cheryl shakes her head slightly, silently asking him to drop the subject. </p><p>Toni’s rekindled relationship with the boys was ever growing - not that it was ever really lost, their constant support over the past week had assured her of that - but they had yet to hang out as they used to. “So, T, Cheryl,” Sweet Pea begins, his voice deliberately chipper, “Fangs and I miss you so we thought maybe we could come round sometime after school this week and chill?” Neither Fangs nor Sweet Pea miss the way Toni instantly looks to Cheryl, not to ask for permission, but instead searching for reassurance, something that was a new normal for Toni and concerned everyone else greatly. </p><p>Cheryl sends her a supportive smile, if she’s honest with herself, she misses them too. She’d begun to grow close with the boys Toni saw as brothers, and their presence at Thistlehouse was frequent, either to hang or study - all three of them desperate not to lose their close bond after Toni moved away from Sunnyside - and not having them around for over a week has felt strange. Toni takes in Cheryl's smile, but her voice still sounds unsure, “uhh I, I don’t know, I have a lot going on.”</p><p>Fangs looks at her sympathetically, his voice gentle, coaxing, “we get that Tiny, but we miss you, and besides there’s nothing to take your mind off everything quite like movie night.” </p><p>“It might be good TT, just to have a relaxing evening,” Cheryl tries to keep her tone light, knowing that if Toni feels pushed she’ll clam up. </p><p>After a moment of hesitation she sighs, “yeah, yeah you’re right, it would be nice. Come round whenever I guess.”</p><p>Sweet Pea looks at Fangs, “we have that meeting tomorrow eve,” he shifts his gaze to the girls, “Wednesday?”</p><p>Before Cheryl can agree, Toni frowns, “wait you have a Serpent meeting? On a Tuesday?”</p><p>Realising his revelation and the fact it was common knowledge meetings were at the weekends, unless there was an emergency, Sweet Pea splutters whilst Fangs replies, “oh uhh yeah, there’s just some stuff Jughead wanted to talk about, it’s nothing major.”</p><p>If Toni is suspicious about it, she doesn’t say so, instead nodding and making note that they were near her locker, “okay well, Wednesday then. I need to go to my locker before class but I’ll see you at lunch?”</p><p>Sweet Pea and Fangs smile at her and nod before parting ways with the girls, who head off hand in hand towards Toni’s locker and then onto class. </p><p>---------</p><p>Lunch rolls around and Toni finds herself sat in the cafeteria amongst the usual group, still minus Betty and Jughead who were thankfully still giving her a wide berth at school. Whilst Toni might be going back to the Serpents and Jughead had apologised, she still felt a pang in her chest every time she saw him, and Betty for that matter. </p><p>Toni picks at her lunch mindlessly whilst she listens to the others chat, however she soon finds herself disrupted from her thoughts as Veronica places a hand on her arm. “I heard from Betty that you’re going back to the Serpents,” her tone is inquisitive, but also holds a mixture of surprise and concern, as if she’s not entirely sure of the truth of it. </p><p>Toni feels everyone’s eyes shift between her and Cheryl, searching to gauge her feelings about her return, “uh yeah, Jughead came round at the weekend and asked, apologised too, so, yeah.” The others aren’t entirely sure why Toni sounds so glum, thinking she’d be happy at the prospect of returning, however it would seem <em> as usual </em> Betty hadn’t quite told the whole story. </p><p>“Well that’s great,” Veronicas eyes flicker between Toni and Cheryl, “you’ll both be back where you should be and-”</p><p>Toni cuts her off, bitterness creeping into her tone as she looks down, “not both.”</p><p>Cheryl sighs, “TT,” the pair had yet to properly talk about her return, or rather lack thereof, and she wasn’t about to have that conversation in front of their friends. “Wait, what? What do you mean not both?” Archie's confusion is evident, but as Cheryl glances at the group she realises he’s not alone in feeling it. </p><p>“I-“</p><p>“Cheryl’s not going back.” Toni’s somber tone is enough to let everyone know that this decision is not one she is in acceptance of. Kevin voices the question that everyone is thinking, “Cheryl? You’re not going back? Why?”</p><p>The way Toni’s shoulders sag even more tells Cheryl this conversation has already gone on more than long enough for her liking, and that she needs to speak to her love sooner rather than later. “It was the decision that was made, but it’s okay, <em> I’m </em> okay, so let’s just move on.”</p><p>Cheryl’s cryptic answer is not lost on Fangs and Sweet Pea, who both make note to re-ask their king about Cheryl's return, or rather lack of it. </p><p>It’s Josie who breaks the awkward quiet that begins to grow, “okay, well, oh did everyone get their test scores back from bio?”</p><p>As the group begin to discuss their results, Cheryl turns her attention to Toni, who has yet to look up from where she’s fiddling with a loose thread from her skirt in her fingers. Placing a gentle hand on her thigh, Cheryl speaks gently enough so that she knows Toni is the only one who will hear, “Toni, darling, I told you, it’s okay, I ma-”</p><p>Toni cuts her off, angry eyes finally looking up to meet Cheryl's own, “it‘s not okay Cheryl, why can’t you see that? It’s not okay, <em> you’re </em> not okay, stop lying to me and trying to pretend otherwise.”</p><p>Taken aback by Toni’s outburst, Cheryl finds herself caught off guard and left searching for a response. But before she can even begin to speak another round of reassurances to her, Toni is standing, her bag slung over her shoulder and tray in hand, “I’m gonna go, I’ll see you later.” Her tone leaves no room for argument and so Cheryl simply mumbles out a quiet “okay” and watches as Toni leaves the cafeteria, murmuring “it’s fine,” to the others as they look at her with concern evident on their faces. </p><p>However, as Cheryl wonders how what seemed like a good solution had ended up like <em> this, </em> it strikes her that things couldn’t be further from <em> fine </em> at all. </p><p>---------</p><p>Toni’s headed to physics later that day when Jughead runs down the hallway to catch up with her, falling into step alongside her and subsequently making a few students turn their heads. By now everyone had heard what’d gone down between them, to some degree at least, and so for them to see the pair together, well it was unexpected to say the least. </p><p>“Toni,” she turns to look at him as he reaches her and instantly her heart begins to thump. In spite of their conversation at the weekend, Toni still has a lot of anxiety surrounding Jughead, even simply seeing him sets her heart racing and her insecurities whirling as her mind races, reminding her of all she’d endured this past week. And not forgetting the fact she knew there was more to Cheryl's lack of return than either of them were letting on, and she would bet good money he was the centre of it.</p><p>Toni doesn’t verbally acknowledge his presence but he knows he has her attention. “I, um, I need to speak to you about something quickly, if that’s okay?”</p><p>Toni narrows her eyes at him, but ultimately responds with a barely audible, “okay.”</p><p>The boy king pauses for a second, knowing Toni’s reaction to what he had to say would go one of two ways. “My, uh, my dad was just wondering if he could speak with y-”</p><p>“No.” She cuts him off, stopping abruptly in the middle of the hallway, a burning anger flashing through her eyes. </p><p>Her abrupt stop causes Jughead to end up a few steps ahead of her, and she watches as he turns back on himself to face her. Before he can even open his mouth to respond though, Toni’s speaking again, her voice hard.</p><p>“I’ve spent the last <em>god knows</em> how many months having to be around your dad and try to push aside what he’s done, but not anymore. Not only did your dad <em> steal my birthright </em> from me in order to hand it to you on a silver platter, as if you had any right to it,” she scoffs, “but he also broke his promise to my mom. A promise he made her <em> on her deathbed </em> and thus denied her her dying wish, for him to simply look after my birthright until I was able to take the crown. Oh, and by doing so, he subsequently broke the Serpent promise that the crown would be passed down through family generations, deliberately to keep within the legacy of those with Serpent blood, <em> Uktena blood. </em> And that’s not forgetting his involvement with Jason’s death and how Cheryl was used by both you and Betty to get him off, despite the fact that he actually <em> did what he was accused of.” </em></p><p>Jughead at least has the decency to look at the floor, swallowing hard as he’s reminded that he wasn’t the only Jones to cause Toni pain, or Cheryl for that matter.</p><p>“So <em> no, </em> he can’t, <em> just </em> anything.”</p><p>Jughead looks at her and sees an emotion behind her eyes that he can’t quite place, it’s like anger mixed with something else, resentment perhaps?</p><p>“Toni please he-”</p><p>“I said no Jughead.” She cuts him off again, “I don’t care about what he wants or anything to do with him.” She closes her eyes for a moment, and when she opens them Jughead realises she's trying to hold back tears. Toni continues, her voice now merely a quiet rasp, “what he did to me, what he took from me, it still <em> hurts </em> Jughead.”</p><p>He frowns, the vulnerability in her voice unmistakable, and Jughead knows that he can’t push this. He knew this conversation was going to go one of two ways, and honestly he can’t say he's surprised this is the way it's gone, “okay, I, I understand.” He steps aside, knowing this conversation was done and the both of them have to get to class, Toni sends him look as if pleading with him not to bring this up again, before making her way down the hallway. As Jughead makes his way to his own classroom, he realises that the emotion in Toni’s eyes he couldn’t place wasn’t resentment, it was pain.</p><p>————-</p><p>The clock on the nightstand reads 1:48am, the glowing numbers providing the only illumination in the room, and Toni sighs heavily, fidgeting due to her inability to get comfortable. Her mind was reeling, it had been for hours, and with nothing to distract her other than the sound of Cheryl’s soft breathing as she slept, Toni knew there was no way her thoughts were going to calm any time soon.</p><p>She’s just so <em> confused </em> about it all. About Cheryl's lack of return, about why she was fighting so hard for Toni to return without her, about why she kept saying it was her decision, and, most importantly, why Cheryl was <em> lying </em> to her about it all. She’s not naive, Toni <em> knows </em> Cheryl. She knows how her brain works, how her <em> heart </em> works, and there was no way Cheryl was okay with this, despite the fact she was trying to convince everyone of the opposite, everyone including her own self. </p><p>Toni didn’t feel right, she hadn’t felt right since telling Jughead she’d return to the Serpents. This whole situation, it just didn’t <em>sit right</em> with her. She’d felt so pressured in the moment, pressured by Cheryl practically <em> begging </em> her, pressured by Jughead's expectant gaze, pressured by the knowledge this offer wouldn’t be extended to her again. But now Jughead and Cheryl’s eyes aren’t peering into her soul, now Cheryl’s pleading that she <em> knew </em> would push Toni to go back wasn’t clouding her ears and judgement, now she has time to sit and think about it, Toni isn’t so sure she wants this after all.</p><p>She’d worked so hard to be a Serpent. Ever since she joined them she’d done whatever was required of her no questions asked. She’d proven her loyalty, shown her skill and knowledge when it came to planning jobs and covering their tracks, she’d held down Penny whilst Jughead <em> carved off her tattoo </em> for fuck’s sake. Toni had proven time and time again that the Serpents were where she belonged, her family. Except, now, she’s not so sure. </p><p>Sitting here in the dark, her thoughts racing, Toni isn’t so sure of anything. She’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to forget Jughead's cruel actions towards her, or FP’s for that matter. She’s not sure if she can go back and pretend like nothing happened, falling back into line as if she’d never left. Toni’s not so sure she can stand there and look at Jughead, accept him once again as her King, accept that he was standing in the spot that always should have been hers, <em> was </em> hers until it was stolen from her. Toni isn’t sure she can go back to how things were, especially knowing the space next to her would remain empty and Cheryl would never wear her jacket again. </p><p>It didn't feel <em> right.</em> None of it. Not going back under Jughead's rule or going back without Cheryl, it never had. She knew what Cheryl’s  place in the Serpents meant to her. Toni <em> knew </em> she was truly devastated that she wasn’t going back, but what she didn’t know is why. <em> Why </em> Cheryl had fought so hard for Toni to return anyway, <em> why </em> she’d been so damn adamant that Toni go back but the space next to her remain empty, <em> why </em> Cheryl was still lying to her face about it all. </p><p>Toni had spent years buying into this family, doing anything and everything for them, and yet when it came to repaying the favour, when it came to doing what was right by her, she got nothing. Yes she’d had support from some after her and Cheryl’s exile, and yes after Jughead’s crowning they’d all watched Toni give her blessing and were none the wiser to her true feelings, but to Toni, after all she’d done for them, it didn’t seem like enough.</p><p>It didn’t seem enough that Jughead got a crown, <em> her crown, </em> handed to him on a silver platter by a man who should have never worn it in the first place. It <em> wasn’t </em> enough that Jughead had faced not a single repercussion, other than his own guilt, at his actions and somehow Toni’s return was supposed to wipe the slate clean allowing him to get away with what he did to her and Cheryl without so much as a slap on the wrist. It didn’t seem enough that FP treated her like a daughter all those years and then so suddenly turned on her with a harsh reminder that after everything, to him, blood would always be thicker than bond. It didn’t seem enough that the things Jughead had done over the past few months were deemed heroic and enough to make him King when Toni had been doing those things for <em> years. </em></p><p>As Toni casts her gaze towards Cheryl’s sleeping figure, she releases a heavy sigh. It was all just too much. On the one hand she had Cheryl fighting, <em> begging </em> her to go back, and the knowledge that Jughead’s invitation wouldn’t be extended again, and yet on the other hand nothing about this felt right. Nothing about going back to the Serpents alone under the rule of a boy wearing a stolen crown who’d tossed her to the side and faced not a single repercussion for it, felt right to her.</p><p>Running her hand through her hair, she shifts closer to Cheryl and lays her head on her chest, the sleeping girl instinctively wrapping her arm around Toni’s waist. </p><p><em> This </em> felt right. Being with Cheryl felt <em> right, </em> and as Toni finally feels sleep take hold of her plagued mind, she decides that she needs to talk to Jughead. She would fight for Cheryl, she would get to the truth behind why her girl wasn’t returning, and she would fix it. And if she couldn't, well, then Toni’s not so sure she wants to go back, no matter how hard her love pleads or fights for her to do so.</p><p>-----------</p><p>As Toni enters the library late Tuesday morning, with hopes to find Jughead during their free period, she’s met with an unexpected sight. There, in the far - and secluded - corner of the library, Jughead is sat with Sweet Pea and Fangs, the three of them clearly amidst a hushed conversation. Whilst she’d expected, well <em> hoped </em> for, Jughead to be here, Toni knew Sweet Pea and Fangs definitely should both be in class right now, and so her curiosity can’t help but be piqued.</p><p>As she makes her way over to the boys, Jughead catches her eye just before she’s within earshot, interrupting Fangs to greet her, “Toni, hi.” Fangs falls quiet mid sentence, Toni making note of how his eyes widen when they meet her own, and finds herself frowning as an awkward quiet takes over. </p><p>A beat passes, Toni’s eyes shifting between the three boys, trying to figure out what was happening, “uhh hi, don’t let me interrupt, I know you were just in the middle of something.” Sweet Pea opens his mouth to respond however Jughead beats him to it, “oh, no, it’s nothing, just, stuff. Everything okay?”</p><p>Toni picks up on the weird tension beginning to fill the air and the way all three boys seem to squirm as if they’ve been caught stealing cookies from the jar, but makes no move to bring attention to it, instead filing it away in her mind for later. “I uhh actually wanted to speak with you Jughead, if you have a moment?”</p><p>He nods, Sweet Pea and Fangs standing and gathering their bags as they did. “Yeah we should head anyway,” Fang’s voice is uncharacteristically unsure, “but uhh we’ll speak to you later Jug.” Jughead simply nods and the two boys make their way towards the exit, voicing a quick goodbye to Toni as they passed her.</p><p>Toni sits, “Well, that was weird. Everything okay?” Jughead simply nods, “yeah it’s nothing, what did you wanna talk about?” It’s clear to Toni that he wants to avoid the topic and she knows she’s already approaching a delicate conversation with him so decides not to push it. A quiet moment takes over as Toni tries to decide how best to approach the topic of Cheryl and the Serpents, knowing that the second Jughead went into defence mode it was over. </p><p>“I actually wanted to talk to you about Cher,” she sees his fist clench, clearly trying to keep himself in check. </p><p>“Toni-“</p><p>“Jughead why can’t she come back?” She tries to keep her voice strong despite the fact she couldn’t feel further from it, this whole situation was weighing down on her and she was just so <em> confused. </em> </p><p>Jughead doesn’t reply straight away, instead simply looks at her, and she knows he’s trying to figure out the best way to approach what he has to say. “Toni, I didn’t make the decision, Cheryl wasn’t lying to you when she told you she made it.”</p><p>Toni scoffs, perfectly deciphering his choice of words. “She wasn’t lying to me <em> when she told me that, </em> which means she <em> is </em> lying to me about something, which if I’m honest Jughead it doesn’t take a genius to work out, because <em> of course </em> she’s not okay with not coming back. And as far as it being <em> her </em> decision, Cher might have brought it to the table, but you’re the one who made the decision to follow through and go ahead with it. My question is, why did she offer it to you in the first place?”</p><p>Jughead sighs, of course she’d picked up on everything, sometimes Toni was too clever for her own good. Pulling off his beanie and running a hand through his hair, Jughead knows that Toni wouldn’t stop until she got at least <em> something </em> from him, but in all honesty he knows he’s not the one she should be having this conversation with. “Toni, I can’t have this conversation with you, you need to talk to Cheryl.”</p><p>The pink haired girl scoffs, “well unless you haven’t noticed Jughead, Cheryl isn’t exactly being forthcoming with me about stuff right now, so I’m having this conversation with you.” Before he can reply with some excuse, Toni speaks again, and Jughead can almost hear the confusion seeping into her voice, “I just don’t get it. <em> Why </em> can’t she come back? If you can acknowledge you were wrong in exhiling us and give me my place back, why can’t you do the same to her?” </p><p>Feeling pressured underneath Toni’s interrogation, Jughead begins to unravel, <em> “because </em> Toni.”</p><p>“No Jughead, not <em> because. </em> Why?”</p><p>“Because, because someone needs to-“</p><p>She interrupts him before he can even finish, “don’t you dare.” Her eyes have hardened and Jughead can feel the anger beginning to radiate off her, her voice becoming dangerously quiet, “don’t you dare finish that sentence by telling me someone needs to take the blame.” At the sheepish look on the boy king’s face, she knows that’s exactly what he was about to say. </p><p>“Take the blame for <em> what </em> Jughead? Take the blame for the thing you <em> yourself</em> said you overreacted about? Take the blame for how <em> you </em> handled the situation? Take the blame for <em> what </em>?”</p><p>Jughead is stunned, scrambling to try and find an answer that made sense, “no Toni, I, she.”</p><p>“She <em> what </em> Jug? She made the same mistake I did? The same mistake you’ve admitted you overreacted to? The same mistake you admitted had <em> nothing </em> to do with the actual reason for kicking us to the curb in the first place? The same mistake I made, and yet I’m still coming back to the Serpents?”</p><p>Even as she says it, Toni knows it feels wrong, knows that sentence feels like the weight is bearing down even heavier on her shoulders. </p><p>Jughead watches and tears begin to form in Toni’s eyes, at first he thinks it’s anger, but as she speaks he realises it’s more akin to sorrow. “Why is Cher always the one getting the blame? Why does it always fall on her to fix other people's mess and take the fall for it when it doesn’t work? What because she used to pretend to be a bitch? Because she used to pretend like she didn’t have feelings so to the rest of you it’s <em> Cheryl can take the fall for it, she won’t care </em> . She had to testify and lie under oath to help your father get away with the part he took in her <em> brothers murder </em>Jughead, because your girlfriend blackmailed her with the release of the video of her own father murdering him. Did any of you even stop for a second to think what that did to her?”</p><p>Toni’s anger grows, seeping out of her like a fog and clouding towards Jughead and he can almost feel the intensity of it through the air. “And now,” she scoffs, “now you’re doing the exact same thing all over again, throwing her under the bus to cover up your own fucked up actions. When will the Jones men learn huh? When will you learn that when you fuck up it’s not the responsibility of everyone else to fix it, it’s <em> yours.” </em></p><p>Jughead knows she’s not just talking about him anymore. No, Toni’s also speaking of his father, the first Jones to steal from Toni, and it strikes him that when his dad said he hoped Jughead would follow in his footsteps, that’s exactly what he’d done. Except this, this wasn’t how he ever envisioned doing so, ripping everything away from a girl who had barely anything to cling to in the first place. </p><p>Toni takes his silence as an opportunity to deliver her parting comment, slinging her bag over her shoulder as she stood, “at the end of the day Jughead, yeah Cheryl and I made a mistake, never once have we said we didn’t, but we’ve admitted it, and apologised for it. The only one still trying to place the blame for their own actions on everyone else, is <em>you.</em> <em>You</em> fucked up. <em>You</em> made a decision that you yourself said was for your own gain and nothing to do with what Cher and I did. <em>You</em> threw us out for your own agenda. The only one with blame here is you. Cher might have given you an easy way out, she might have said place the blame on her, and for the life of me I still can’t work out <em>why,</em> but you know, you <em>know</em> in your heart she did nothing wrong.”</p><p>Toni shakes her head and begins to leave, but pauses a few steps away, “if you can accept you fucked up long enough that I can come back, then there’s no reason Cher can’t either, and just like everything else, that’s on <em> you.” </em></p><p>As he watches her departing figure, Jughead slumps in his chair. He knows Toni’s right. He knows that ultimately if Toni is coming back there’s no reason Cheryl shouldn’t be able to either, but, if he’s truly honest with himself, it’s just <em> easier </em> to let someone else take the fallout of his mistakes. He knows it’s wrong, he knows he shouldn’t, but the second Cheryl offered him the option he took it, grabbing with both hands. But as he thinks about Toni’s words, thinks about the fact she was <em> right, </em> Cheryl did face the repercussions for everything. Even when she was trying to help, somehow the blame always fell on her, but maybe this time, maybe it didn’t have to. Maybe Jughead had to let go of the easy solution, the one provided to him on a silver platter just like everything else in life, and just maybe he had to fix this on his own. </p><p>----------------</p><p>Cheryl can sense Toni’s sullen mood the second they meet at her car after school, it’s a mood that only darkens as they head home and begin their evening. </p><p>She’s in the kitchen making dinner when Toni enters, coming to stand the other side of the island, her hands resting firmly against the marble top. “I spoke to Jughead today,” instantly Cheryl's heckles raise, she does <em> not </em> like the sound of where this conversation is heading. Offering up a simple “oh?” Cheryl keeps her back to Toni as she continues, “yeah, and he said some pretty interesting things and it’s made me think. A lot.” </p><p>A beat pauses and Toni sighs heavily, Cheryl swears it sounds like her girlfriend is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.</p><p>“I’m not going back.”</p><p>Cheryl instantly turns around, her gaze falling on Toni, who had her head bowed, eyes baring into the countertop as if she could see right through it.</p><p>“To the Serpents, I’m not going back.”</p><p>The redhead is at a loss for words. Where had this come from? Yes, admittedly there had been an unspoken air between them these past couple of days, and Cheryl would be lying if she said it wasn’t obviously due to her not returning to the Serpents, but she, maybe naively, thought she’d managed to convince Toni to return. Perhaps not.</p><p>“TT? But you already told Jughead you’re going back? Where’s this come from?” Cheryl tries to keep her voice calm and hopes that she manages to cover the way her heart is thumping in her chest.</p><p>“I just, I can’t do it Cher, it’s not right.” Toni’s voice breaks and as she raises her gaze to meet Cheryl’s own, the redhead can see tears forming in her girlfriend’s eyes. Cheryl’s heart aches, she can practically see the guilt radiating off of her, but for the life of her Cheryl has no idea <em> why. </em> </p><p>“My darling, what’s not right? Talk to me TT, help me understand what’s happening.” Toni shakes her head, bringing the back of her hand up to cover her mouth as a sob erupts from her chest. Cheryl thinks she just felt her soul crack.</p><p>“Toni, <em> baby,” </em> Cheryl hastily turns off the stove and rushes to her love, tenderly pulling her into her arms and cradling her against her chest. <em>"</em><em>Please </em> tell me what’s wrong, tell me so I can fix it.” Toni simply cries, pained, inconsolable sobs muffled by Cheryl’s shoulder, and the redhead’s worry grows. </p><p>“Sweetheart, please talk to me, what’s happened? Why don’t you want to go back? Baby, please, let me fix it.” As Toni chokes out a distraught, “y-you can’t,” Cheryl vows to get to the bottom of whatever has happened to cause Toni this much distress and to try fix it in any way possible, “Toni darling, just tell me what it is, tell me what’s happened, what’s changed your mind?” Cheryl desperately <em> pleads </em> with her but the smaller girl simply shakes her head again. Cheryl gently pulls back, cupping her cheek and trying to get Toni to look at her, frowning when Toni all but refuses and instead buries herself further into Cheryl’s embrace, clinging to her as her breathing speeds erratically.</p><p>Sobs turn to hiccupped cries as her breathing grows increasingly more out of control and Cheryl manages to somehow maneuver them over to the living room to sit on the couch, pulling Toni onto her lap. “Toni, I need you to breathe okay darling?” She runs a soothing hand over the smaller girls back, cooing to her gently, as she calms “there you go, good girl TT, just breathe, in and out, there you go sweetheart, good girl.” </p><p>Eventually Toni’s breathing calms, the smaller girl slumping against Cheryl’s chest as the redhead, continues cooing tenderly. Cheryl can’t help but think Toni almost looks like a little kid. She just looks so <em> lost </em> and <em> small </em>, like the weight of the world is laying on her shoulders and she’s at such a desperate loss at what to do about it. Cheryl wants to wrap her up and protect her from the world and prevent anything bad from ever happening to her for the rest of their lives.</p><p>“I-I can’t do it Cher.” Toni’s voice is small, smaller than Cheryl’s heard it in days and smaller than she’d ever wanted to hear it ever again. Pale fingers soothe through pink hair, “can’t do what love?” </p><p>Toni looks up at her, eyes red and still brimming with tears, her bottom lip quivering as she speaks, “I c-can’t go back Cher, not w-without you, it’s not, it’s not right.”</p><p>Cheryl’s heart drops, unable to stop the sinking feeling that she’s caused this from beginning to form in her mind. Cupping her cheek, Cheryl tries to keep her voice as gentle as she can, “Toni, we’ve been through this, you have to go back, they’re your family.” The smaller girl shakes her head fiercely, “no Cher, I, I can’t go b-back without y-you.”</p><p>Cheryl isn’t sure what's brought this on, but a small part of her mind begins to create several more elaborate ways of how she’s going to destroy Jughead into oblivion if she finds out this was his doing. Cheryl tries to keep her voice as soothing as she can whilst also allowing an edge of conviction to seep in, “Toni, darling, you can, and you must. I’m not going back, the decision was made and I’ve accepted it, but TT, you <em> can </em> go back, and you need to.” </p><p>Toni shakes her head, tears spilling down her cheeks as she does, “no Cher, you don’t get it, I’m not going back if you’re not. I don’t <em> want </em> to go back without you. I can’t do it without you.” Cheryl frowns, she thought she’d seen the last of this new, <em> broken </em> Toni. After the weekend her love had begun to heal and return to the old Toni they all knew and loved, but looking at her now, eyes red and raw, lip trembling and hands clinging to Cheryl’s top, it strikes the redhead that she seems even more broken than she was before. </p><p>“TT, <em> please, </em> talk to me, what’s happened to change your mind? You can do this, you can go back and-”</p><p>“No I can’t Cher!” Cheryl is taken aback by Toni’s outburst, watching as her tears begin to come from a place of anger. “I can’t go back without you. I can’t go back under <em> his </em> thumb. I can’t go back knowing he’s facing no repercussions for what he’s done. I can’t go back and see him and FP and know what they took from me anymore. I can’t go back knowing you won’t be by my side. I can’t go back knowing you should be standing next to me, but you’re not!”</p><p>Toni erupts into another round of agonising sobs, clutching tighter to Cheryl’s top and the redhead finds her heart fracturing as she immediately senses Toni’s mind is plaguing her with worries of losing her. Cheryl instantly pulls her against her chest once again, rocking them slightly as she coos tenderly to the smaller girl as before. “TT, breathe, it’s okay, I’m here, I’m right here baby and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you TT, breathe baby, I’ve got you, good girl Toni, that’s it, good girl.” She repeats herself over and over as the minutes pass, doing all she can to reassure her love that she wasn’t going anywhere, whilst Toni’s sobs eventually turn to whimpers.  </p><p>“I don’t w-want to Cher, not without y-you,” Toni’s voice sounds so broken and small, and <em> weak. </em>Weakness is not something Toni Topaz shows, constantly being shown by life that she can’t be anything other than strong, but as concerned brown eyes flit over her face, it strikes Cheryl that Toni’s never looked weaker than she does in this moment. </p><p>Cheryl's heart <em> aches. </em> It aches for this girl who has known so much loss, too much. This girl who has tried so hard to keep going and keep clinging onto whatever she can whilst her world constantly crumbles around her. This girl who deserves <em> so fucking much more </em> than she’s ever been given. Who deserves love and nurture and care and to be cherished and <em> wanted. </em> Who deserves to be wrapped up safely and kept from harm and shown she <em> is enough, </em> she is <em> more than,</em> she is <em> worthy. </em> This girl who has had <em> everything </em> ripped away from her and has been left so anxious about every good thing in her life, waiting for it to be ripped away from her too.  </p><p>Cheryl knows this is her doing, at least in part. She knows Toni’s confusion is from a decision she made, well, created at least. Cheryl knows that yes, in part Toni’s desperation for her to return is down to wanting Cheryl to be able to return to the people she sees as family, but she also knows that above it all, Toni’s scared. She’s scared that Cheryl not returning is the beginning of her beginning to slip through Toni’s fingers, scared that this is the beginning of the end. She’s scared she’s going to lose her too.</p><p>“TT look at me.” When Toni doesn’t move, Cheryl cups her cheek tenderly and dips her head to force Toni’s eyes to meet her own. “My love I know you’re apprehensive, I <em> know </em> you wish it was different and I know that it’s going to be hard. But mon cherie, you deserve this, they’re your family, your birthright, and you have the opportunity to go home and to begin to heal from what Jughead did. Please don’t give that up.”</p><p>Toni’s eyes, red and raw and swirling with emotion, bare into her own and Cheryl almost wants to look away from the intensity of them. “I know this is weighing heavy on you TT, I understand that, truly I do, and I apologise that you’re in this predicament, but <em> please Toni, </em> I made this decision, I made this choice. Please don’t let my choice be the definition of yours. I did this for you, please-”</p><p>“You, you did this <em> for </em> me?” Toni’s brow furrows, and Cheryl panics. Fuck. She hadn’t meant to say that, and now Toni knows, now Toni knows something’s up. </p><p>“T-Toni I-” Cheryl begins but Toni’s shaking her head, frown deepening, “what’s that supposed to mean Cher? You did it <em> for </em> me? When I spoke to Jughead he told me you weren’t coming back because someone needed to take the blame, and now you’re telling me you did it <em> for me?” </em></p><p>Cheryl takes a second to remind herself that the next time she sees Jughead she’s going to absolutely <em> anhialate </em> him, before trying to scramble her brain together to reply to Toni’s expectant gaze. “TT I, the Serpents are your family, they’re your connection to your mom, your birthright, you belong with them, they’re part of you. Toni, <em> please </em> you have to go back. Please don’t do this because of me.”</p><p>Toni shifts off Cheryl's lap to sit next to her, hastily wiping her tears away and her brow furrowing ever deeper, “Cher why aren’t you listening to me? I don’t want to go back without you? Why don’t you get it? The Serpents aren’t just a birthright or a bloodline, they’re a family, my family. But you’re my family too. You’re just as important to me, you’re <em> the most </em> important person in my life and I don’t want to go back if the family isn’t complete. You’re a Serpent too Cher, they’re your family too. I know you see them as such and I know this is killing you inside to think you’re not going back. I just don’t get <em> why. </em> Why do you keep telling me it’s okay and you made the decision when I <em> know you, </em> I know you’re not okay and I know you don’t want this. So <em> why?” </em> </p><p>As she speaks, Toni takes hold of Cheryl's hand, clinging to it and hoping that Cheryl is understanding everything she’s trying to convey. </p><p>“Toni, I,” if she’s completely honest Cheryl has no idea what she’s supposed to say. How was she going to respond to that? Respond to Toni practically begging her to understand, when the truth was Cheryl already did. She knew where Toni was coming from, she understood everything she was trying to say. But Cheryl had done so much to ensure Toni’s return home, she’d caused her own heartbreak purely for the added security of making sure for certain that Toni’s place was rightfully returned to her. </p><p><em> Of course </em> she was distraught at the knowledge her spot was no longer hers. <em> Of course </em> Cheryl was utterly devastated that she was no longer welcome within the group she’d finally begun to feel at home with, finally begun to feel like she had a family with. <em> Of course </em> she’d shed many a tear over the prospect and felt her heart rupture in her chest more than once thinking about it all. But it was pain that Cheryl could handle, <em> would handle, </em> just like she did everything else. And it was pain that was minuscule to her in comparison to the pain she would feel at the knowledge she was the reason Toni hadn’t returned to her home, to the group she belonged to by blood. </p><p>Cheryl reaches out with her free hand to brush a few awry strands of pink hair behind Toni’s ear, her tone almost pleading with her love as she does, “I know you might not think it’s okay, and I know you think there’s something deeper happening, but I made the decision, truly, and I’ve accepted the consequences of it.”</p><p>Toni scoffs and Cheryl can see the anger beginning to storm inside her, see the sheer frustration beginning to seep from her and into the air. </p><p>“Stop lying to me!” Toni stands abruptly, dropping Cheryl's hand and pacing a few steps into the centre of the room before turning to face her girlfriend. “Stop, just <em> stop </em> Cheryl. I <em> know </em> you’re not okay, because <em> it’s </em> not okay! This whole situation is not okay. It’s not right Cheryl! You deserve to be there, you were wronged too, why can’t you see that?” Toni is practically shouting now, frustration evident in her voice but there’s something else too, an edge of desperation, <em> begging </em> Cheryl to understand that she deserves more, she deserves <em> more </em> than being the one to take the blame, <em> more </em> than sacrificing herself for everyone around her, <em> more </em> than setting herself on fire just to keep everyone else warm. </p><p>Cheryl inhales deeply, trying to steel herself and get a handle on her flaring emotions. She knows Toni’s lashing out is coming from a place of fear, she knows her anger and frustration is directed at the situation and not actually at Cheryl herself, and she also knows that if she rises to her, this conversation will go south very quickly. But gosh it’s so <em> hard. </em> It’s so hard to keep her voice even when Toni won’t <em> listen </em> to her. When Toni won’t understand that Cheryl did this for a reason, to get Toni back to her family. It’s so hard when the love of her life is about to ruin Cheryl's self sacrifice by not returning to the very family Cheryl painfully removed herself from in order to solidify Toni’s reinstatement. </p><p>“I-I’m not lying Toni, I’m okay with it Toni, <em> truly, </em> I made the decision and I’ve accepted it.” Cheryl knows she’s just repeating herself now, but it’s gotten to the point where she isn’t sure who she’s saying it to, Toni or her own mind. </p><p>The scoff that leaves Toni’s mouth makes Cheryl painfully aware that she doesn’t believe her for one second, not that Cheryl won’t keep trying, won’t keep fighting for Toni to return home where she belongs. </p><p><em> “Bullshit </em> Cheryl. I thought we weren’t supposed to lie to each other, I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other no matter what. ‘No matter how dark and no matter how hard it is, we don’t lie to each other’ I thought that was our promise Cheryl. That no matter what, <em> we don’t lie. </em> ” Toni’s pacing now, and <em> she’s right </em> , Cheryl thinks, because that’s exactly what they’d promised each other, that no matter how badly they wanted to hide certain parts of themselves or their past, no matter how ugly the truth was, they <em> always </em> told it. And now here she was, doing the exact opposite. </p><p>“You know,” Toni’s voice has calmed slightly, but her continued pacing tells Cheryl she’s everything but, “talking to Jughead behind my back, that I can understand, but this, you sitting here outright blatantly lying to my face? It’s not okay Cher. I <em> know </em> you’re not okay, I <em> know </em> there’s something behind your decision, so stop lying to me.”</p><p>Cheryl’s voice raises, desperately trying to plead with Toni to understand that she isn’t lying, she is okay with not going back, she <em> has </em> to be, “I’m not lying to you Toni.”</p><p>Toni laughs, dry and humourless, and stops pacing, turning to look at Cheryl and the redhead can see her exasperation written across her face. “If you tell a lie enough times eventually even you start to believe it.” Her voice lowers, anger and frustration dissipating to leave her simply begging her girl, “Cher, I know you’re not okay with all of this, how many more times do I have to say it? How many more times are you going to lie to my face when I <em> know </em> you’re not okay with all of this? So stop pretending, stop trying to convince yourself that this situation is anything other than fucked up. Stop telling me shit and start listening when I tell you I don’t want to go back without you.” </p><p>Toni walks over to where Cheryl is still sat on the sofa and kneels down in front of her, taking her hand gently, “Cher, you’re the most important person in my life, all I care about is you and your happiness, all I want is to make sure you’re okay, but I can’t do that if you won’t talk to me. I can’t make things better if you don’t tell me what I need to fix.”</p><p>Cheryl’s eyes begin to tear up at the sheer sincerity in Toni's voice, the raw, unfiltered <em> honesty </em> behind her words. Cheryl desperately wanted to talk to her, <em> desperately </em> wanted to reveal the truth, that she’d made this decision for Toni, as saftey net to ensure there was nothing that would prevent Jughead from undoing his expulsion. But she couldn’t. As she looks into the eyes of the person she cares about most in the world, as she looks at the girl who held her heart, Cheryl knows she has to carry on with the charade, knows she has to fight with every last shred she has to ensure Toni’s return. </p><p>“Toni,” Cheryl reaches out to cup her cheek tenderly, “you’re <em> everything </em> to me, and all I care about is <em> you </em> and <em> your </em> happiness.” Toni’s eyes soften, however as Cheryl continues they harden once more, “which is why you have to go back. You have to go home. I couldn’t deal with knowing I was the reason you didn’t, I couldn’t live with myself knowing I stopped you from being happy, stopped you from being back where you belong with your family. The Serpents are your family, they’re in your blood, you belong with them and they make you happy, I refuse to be the reason you throw that away.”</p><p>Toni stands once more, running her hand through her hair and screwing her eyes shut as a heavy exhale heaves from her lungs. “You truly don’t get it do you?” Tears are forming in her eyes out of sheer utter frustration, but then again, there’s something more, something deeper. Her tears aren’t just born from anger or frustration at Cheryl’s lack of willingness to reveal the truth, they’re also born of pain. Pain that this girl, this girl that she loves with every ounce of her being, this girl that she would do anything for, this girl that owns her heart - always has and always will - this girl has absolutely no concept of how much she means to Toni. Pain that Cheryl still didn’t comprehend that Toni’s heart <em> belonged </em> to her. Pain that after <em> everything </em> after all they’d been through, Cheryl still had no grasp on how dear she was to Toni’s heart.  </p><p>Cheryl’s brow furrows as she looks up at Toni, looks at how her whole frame seems to be wracked with torment, but torment at what? </p><p>“You just have no idea.”</p><p>Cheryl blinks, no idea of <em> what? </em></p><p>“Cher I <em> need </em> you. I <em> need </em> you by my side. I can’t do this without you. I <em> won’t </em> do this without you. If I go back to the Serpents without you, I won’t be happy, I <em> can’t </em> be happy. Because you make me happy, <em> being with you </em> makes me happy.” Tears are freely flowing down Toni’s cheeks now, and she’s not the only one. Cheryl’s own cheeks are wet from the stream running down them, her heart aches at the sheer sincerity, <em> sheer ferocity </em> of which Toni speaks. It’s like it’s finally sinking in, her love’s words are <em> finally </em> settling in her heart and mind, <em> finally </em> making Cheryl realise that just as she would do anything for Toni, Toni would do anything for her. </p><p>“Cher I belong with the Serpents, their blood is my blood, my moms blood, Uktena blood, I know that. They’re my legacy, my birthright, they’re where I belong, I know that. But Cher, my blood might belong to the Ukteana, but my <em>heart,</em> Cheryl, it belongs to you. My heart has been yours since I saw you at that drag race, it’s like the second I laid eyes on you everything fell into place, everything finally came to fruition and that was it. I knew I was meant to be with you. Am I meant to be a Serpent, <em>yes,</em> were they the people I was born to, were they the people I grew up with, <em>yes,</em> but Cheryl, I’m also meant to be with <em>you.</em> <em>You’re</em> my home. You’re where I belong, where my happiness lies. I might be a Serpent, but I’m also yours. I know I worry about people leaving me, I know I have abandonment issues and a whole shit ton of other ones, but Cheryl, I told you once and I’ll tell you again, I’m right here, right by your side, you’re not alone Cheryl, you say you’ll never leave me, but I’ll never leave you, not now, not ever.” </p><p>Cheryl is crying, unashamedly and unreserved. Hearing these words, hearing Toni tell her that she <em> means something </em> to her, that she <em> cares </em> about her, that she is <em> family, </em> well it strikes a nerve in her. </p><p>Cheryl had been so hellbent on trying to get Toni to return to her family, she wasn’t listening when Toni was trying to tell her that she couldn’t, not because she didn’t <em> want to, </em> but because it wasn’t her full family if Cheryl wasn’t there. </p><p>Toni runs a hand through her hair again, sighing as the weight of the evening takes hold of them, “you’re everything to me Cher, I know you’re not okay, I know you haven’t accepted this and I know it wasn’t your decision, but the thing is, it is your decision to lie. It is your decision to hide from me and not acknowledge that I’m here, telling you that I’m not going back without you. I love you Cher, you’re my family too, and I won’t stand by and let you make a decision that isn’t right. You may have grown up without anyone in your corner, without anyone fighting for you, but it’s not like that anymore. Just as you’re fighting for me, I’m fighting for you, fighting for the world to do right by you.”</p><p>Cheryl sits stunned, taking in Toni’s words and allowing her heart to embrace them fully, <em> finally. </em> Toni walks over to her, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands in her own, “I <em> love </em> you, Cheryl Blossom, my heart belongs with you, <em> I </em> belong with you.”</p><p>Toni sighs, searching Cheryl's eyes for something, <em> anything </em> to let her know her words have gotten through to her. </p><p>“Look Cher, I don’t want to be angry with you, I’m <em> not </em> angry at you. I’m frustrated at the situation, I’m mad at how everything is. But not at you. I don’t want to keep fighting, so I’m gonna go get some air, let me know when you’re ready to realise how important you are to me.” </p><p>And with that, Toni stands, pressing a tender and heartfelt kiss to Cheryl’s forehead, desperately trying to pour every ounce of love she had for the girl into it, and hoping, <em> praying </em> that it was enough to make this girl realise that Toni wasn’t going anywhere, not without her. </p><p>Cheryl simply nods as Toni steps back, their eyes meeting before Toni is departing, leaving Cheryl sitting in the deafening silence, wondering how, in all of this, she’d managed to forget the most important thing of all. That Toni Topaz loved her, and she would <em> always </em> do right by her, no matter what.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Taa daa, hope you enjoyed! </p><p>Luce :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. A singular kiss to convey all words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Haha hiiii</p><p>Long time no see amirite?<br/>Yeah well life happens and you all know by now updates come when they come!<br/>This and the next chap were originally supposed to be one singular but it'd have been way too long, and besides this means you get something sooner, so that's something!</p><p>There's only 2 chapters left after this, sad times I know, I would say you'll have them before the new year but lesbihonest we all know that's unlikely, ho hey you know you'll have them as soon as they're written!</p><p>Hope you enjoy, kinda proud of this one ngl!<br/>As always let me know your thoughts<br/>Luce :D</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s just over two hours later when Cheryl hears the front door click and the unmistakable sound of Toni’s footsteps on the stairs. Just over two hours since one of the most heartfelt conversations Cheryl thinks she’s ever had in her life. Just over two hours since she heard the very same door close and she was left to contemplate just how much she meant to Toni, and how much Toni meant to her. </p><p>The bedroom door creaks open and in an instant Cheryl is out of bed and flinging herself into Toni’s arms, clinging onto her love and allowing the moment to convey all that she desperately wanted to say, but for perhaps the first time in her life, couldn’t find the words to do so.</p><p>“I know Cher, it’s okay.”</p><p>“Toni I-” she falters.</p><p>“I know Cher, I know. I get it, you want to fix things and make things better, but the thing is, sometimes I need you to remember that things aren’t always the way you think they are. I need you to remember that with this, with <em> me, </em> you are what makes it better. Going back <em> with you, </em> that’s what’s going to make me happy, that’s what’s going to make it right.”</p><p>Cheryl simply nods, burying her face further into Toni’s neck and tightening her hold around the smaller girl’s shoulders. They stay there for a moment, enjoying the comfort that each other's arms brings, cherishing the moment of closeness.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go to bed.” Cheryl nods and gets into their bed as Toni undresses, leaving her clothes in a heap on the floor and slipping under the covers beside her. </p><p>Before Cheryl can settle, Toni’s pulling her top over her head and adding it to the pile of clothes on the floor, leaving them bare chested and clad only in underwear. Toni pushes the redhead to lay down before moving to lie against her, nestling into her side. Cheryl isn’t surprised by her actions though, Toni often had a need to relish in skin to skin contact, something she frequently sought out when her mind was troubled. Cheryl holds the smaller girl tightly into her, a pale arm wrapped around her waist and her fingers caressing smooth skin. </p><p>She looks down towards where her fingers trace a myriad of patterns across Toni’s ribs, watching as she moves her fingers over a particular spot. A particular spot decorated with ink, a permanent reminder of Toni’s belonging. The second her fingers gently graze over the skin there, she hears Toni gasp quietly, not even needing to look to be aware of exactly what Cheryl’s fingers were grazing over. </p><p>Toni’s serpent tattoo was something she was inherently aware of, it was as if it was a part of her. It’d hurt like an absolute bitch when she’d gotten it done, Tall Boy decorating her skin whilst FP watched over proudly, looking at her like he was some proud dad. She’d always felt as if he was the father figure in her life, after her own dad was whisked away to some penitentiary <em> god knows where </em> for years to come. Part of her wonders if she’ll ever see him again, but ultimately she knows the most likely answer is ‘probably not’.</p><p>FP had taken her under his wing the second her mom's last breath left her lungs. Well, Toni supposes that’s not entirely true for it was only days after her mom's funeral that her father had whisked her away from them all. Though, the second Toni had stepped foot back in the Southside, that’s when she really felt it, felt like she was home. Even in spite of the fact she was far from the house she’d grown up in and her placement with her Uncle was less than homely, she couldn’t deny that being here, it just felt <em> right. </em> The second she stepped out of the car, after her Uncle had picked her up, and subsequently grumbled about it all the whole way back, it was as if her heart spoke up and said <em> ‘this is it, this is where you belong’ </em>. </p><p>FP had looked out for her the very second her scuffed up sneakers had crunched on the gravel outside her uncle's trailer, <em> her trailer, </em> and ever since he’d been the father figure she always sought after. </p><p>Or that’s what she thought. </p><p>Her heart pained when she thought about what FP had done to her, about him going back on his promise to her Mom. Because yes, growing up Toni had always seen him as a stand in for her own father and he’d acted as if he’d felt the same towards her, but when it came down to it, FP had given her a harsh reminder that the Jones family only looked out for themselves, and no matter how things seemed, she would never truly be one of them. FP had gone against his word seemingly without so much as a second thought to her, or her mom. The man she’d looked up to for so many years disregarding her in favour of his son, his own blood.</p><p>And then Jughead had come along and in spite of it all she’d trusted him. Trusted him to do better, to help the Serpents <em> be </em> better. And look where that had ended up. </p><p>As it turns out, trust and the Jones’s were not two things that went together, something she wishes she’d known a long time ago. </p><p>“I just,” Toni breaks their quiet moment, sighing heavily before looking down to watch her own fingers fiddling together nervously, “I understand what you thought you were doing, I really do, but,” she falters. Cheryl can sense Toni’s unease and so begins to run a hand tenderly through her pink locks, enjoying the feeling of soft hair gliding through her fingers, hoping the motion will not only help soothe Toni but also serve as a silent show of support.</p><p>After a moment Toni speaks up again, her voice soft, “I can’t do this without you Cher. I can’t go back there, I can’t fall back in line under his thumb without you by my side, not after everything that’s happened. I, I don’t have it in me.”</p><p>Toni’s voice is small and quiet, almost as if she was afraid that if she spoke any louder her words would be taken as a sign of weakness, and Cheryl nearly gasps at the pure vulnerability in her words. Toni wasn’t someone who said ‘can’t’, she was someone who always found a way, always found a solution, and if she didn’t have one she’d keep looking. </p><p>Cheryl looks at her love, who still had her eyes fixed down on her hands, and sees the deep frown on her brow. But it wasn’t a frown from anger or confusion, no, it was a frown born of heartache, of trying to keep the tears at bay, of trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do now, and why this all happened to her in the first place.</p><p>“TT, I know what both Jughead and FP did to you caused you a tremendous amount of pain, pain that can’t be wiped away with a clean slate or reversal of words and actions that should never have happened in the first place. I know that the damage that’s been done to your heart will be there for a while, but they don’t deserve the ability to stand in the way of you going back. They don’t deserve the power to be the reason you turn this down.”</p><p>Toni’s fingers pause their fidgeting as she takes in Cheryl’s words, but resume once again as she speaks. “I know that Cher, but it’s not just about that. I meant what I said that night. Since Jughead took over, and well, maybe even a bit before, it’s not a family. It’s not what it used to be, it’s- it’s a dictatorship. There’s no <em> bonds </em> anymore, no <em> community. </em> It’s all about blind loyalty and shutting up and doing as you’re told or dealing with the consequences. The fact that Jughead threatened anyone who tried to stand up for us, him nearly suspending Sweets and Fangs for telling him he was wrong, it’s like no one else is even allowed an opinion anymore.” </p><p>Cheryl nods, remembering the times she’d witnessed Toni’s frustration at Jughead not even hearing what she’d had to say or making decisions for them that not everyone agreed was the right choice. </p><p>“I just, I can’t go back there, under <em> his </em> thumb, knowing that nothing’s going to change and he won’t deal with any consequences. I can’t go back there and see FP and be reminded constantly of what he did. I could before, I could deal with it and get on with things, but now, there’s just too much that’s happened, and knowing I’ll be alone and you won’t be there next to me, I-I don’t think I have it in me Cher. FP was like a father to me, and then he turns around and goes back on everything, and then Jughead kicks me to the curb just to get me out of his way, I-I just, I can’t do it Cher, it, it <em> hurts </em> too much.” Toni closes her eyes and drags in a shaky breath, it’s only then that Cheryl notices the tears silently dripping down her cheeks. </p><p>She moves the hand that had been running through pink locks to cup Toni’s cheek, wiping away the tears before guiding her face towards her own so she could press a gentle kiss to her love’s forehead. </p><p>“How, how did you do it Cher? I know we spoke about what it meant for you before you joined, but h-how did you deal with seeing FP, being around him knowing what he did?”</p><p>Cheryl squeezes her own eyes closed at the painful, icy jolt that strikes in her chest, the same iciness that courses through her whenever her brother, or what happened to him, is mentioned. When she opens her eyes again, Toni can see the tears beginning to pool in them, “in truth TT, I suppose I never really did, not fully anyway. I think there’ll always be a small part of me that can’t let go of what he did. But, for the most part, I guess it helped immensely that he retired as I joined, but also, I think knowing that what he did, he did it separately from the Serpents, that helped a lot. As I said to you before I joined, I understand that FP was doing the bidding of my father, and whilst it doesn’t detract in the slightest from his actions, knowing the Serpents as a unit weren’t involved, well I guess it helped to see them separately in a way.”</p><p>Toni nods, whilst she didn’t know her personally at the time, she knows how hard everything has been on Cheryl from not only their conversations, but also from what the others have told her over time. Plus, there was the whole blackmail scenario that, to this day, angered Toni to no end. Admittedly, when FP was first released she and the others were none the wiser to not only the truth behind FP’s charges, but also the blackmail that caused Cheryl to take to the stand. She still remembers Birdie letting slip the truth about it all, Toni wanting to wipe the smirk off her face as she revealed not only the fact that FP had in fact committed the crimes he was charged with, but also at the mention of overhearing a conversation between Betty and Jughead alluding to what caused Cheryl to take to the stand in the first place. </p><p>Toni still remembers asking Cheryl about it one day, remembers the tears falling down her cheeks as she recounted Betty cornering her in the locker room, and then again before the trial to refresh her threat. Cheryl had nightmares that night and the next day had to practically beg Toni not to hunt the both of them down to show them exactly what she thought of their actions.</p><p>Cheryl sighs heavily, and Toni looks up at her, her eyes glazed over as she stares off into the distance. “I think, in truth, I was able to focus on what being a Serpent gave me as opposed to what I’d lost because of one of them. It was hard, you know that, you were there. It was hard seeing FP and being reminded of what he did, going to the Wyrm and knowing what happened in the basement, I…” she trails off, she’s come a long way in the past few months, but looking back on everything still caused that all too familiar ache in her chest. </p><p>Toni nods, Cheryl looks down at her as she speaks, “I remember how tough it was for you, walking in there every time. I know it got easier to deal with but I saw how it affected you, how your shoulders would tense and how you’d always squeeze my hand just before you got to the door. But over time there was less tension and you didn’t squeeze my hand anymore, and I, I guess I’m just wondering what helped, what got you through it?”</p><p>Cheryl looks away again, brow furrowing and eyes looking into the distance, as if searching for the right words. “Well, TT, if I’m honest, you did. You and the others. I saw how close you all were and how you had these people around you that you knew had your back, and, well I’d never had that before, not even with JJ. God knows he couldn’t stand up to my parents directly. But when I saw you all together, be it at meetings or even just hanging out, I saw what it meant to be a part of something, truly, to belong and to have people who stood by you and, well, cared I suppose.” </p><p>Toni watches tears spill down pale cheeks and lifts her hand to wipe them away before gently guiding Cheryl to look at her. The redhead offers Toni a watery smile, “I saw what they meant to you, saw how you belonged, and, well, it felt like I’d begun to build a bond with the boys, nothing akin as to what you have with them of course, or even like what I had with dear JJ, but, it was almost as if I could see what things <em> could be. </em>What it could be like to be part of something, to belong and to have a family, even if it was a family of misfits and ragamuffins.”</p><p>Toni laughs, causing Cheryl to follow suit, albeit small and tearfilled, it was a laugh all the same. </p><p>“Cher,” Toni’s voice is gentle, carefully trying to avoid another argument, “now do you see why I’m fighting so hard for you to go back? Because I know how much being part of them means to you, what it gives you. Yes okay, I have my own reasons that I can’t deal with it all by myself, but it’s not just that. I just-” she sighs, “being a Serpent is important to you too, and it’s not fair that you’re being used as the scapegoat for something that Jughead openly admitted was on him.”</p><p>Cheryl frowns, she was rather hoping to avoid this conversation again, knowing that even now, even after everything else that night, even after she finally realised how much she truly meant to Toni, she wouldn’t let anything get in the way of Toni going back. It was as if she had this plan in her head and if the end result wasn’t achieved then she’d fail, and Cheryl didn’t fail, she <em> couldn’t </em> fail. </p><p>“When Jughead looked at me that night, his eyes, they were filled with so much anger, so much hatred, and all I cared about was you. All I cared about was keeping his eyes on me so that look, filled with spite and hatred never once fell on you. I-I didn’t care what he did to me, if he threw me out, if he took them away from me, if he tore me away from the only family I’ve ever really known, all I cared about was you, making sure you stayed where you belonged.” Toni frowns, not only was she unsure of where Cheryl was going with this, but also she hated the thought of anyone looking at her love like that. Cheryl deserved to be looked at with nothing but kindness and respect, so to know that Jughead had looked at her with such scorn, such hatred, it made her blood boil.</p><p>“Why are you telling me this?” Cheryl looks down to Toni, <em> her Toni. </em> Toni who had been through so much, and through it all still tried so hard to be good, still tried to keep putting one foot in front of the other to get through whatever life threw at her. Toni who treated people with kindness and care, who sought connection and compassion, who had spent most of her life without nurture and love despite desperately yearning for it. Toni who was so tiny, but perhaps had the biggest heart of them all.</p><p>A pale hand lifts to cup a soft cheek, eyelids close as plump lips find their way to press gently against a caramel forehead, desperately trying to pour every ounce of care, of <em> love </em> from every corner of her soul into one of the most tender moments of Cheryl’s life. </p><p>It’s as if everything stills, every atom, every fibre of being pauses, allowing two tender hearts to share a moment filled with nothing but raw, unfiltered love. Allowing a singular kiss to convey an abundance of meaning. As if an act seemingly so small as a singular kiss, bestowed tenderly upon soft skin could somehow impart every ounce of feeling, every shred of emotion that she felt for this girl. As if a singular kiss could somehow show Toni, in one moment, what Cheryl wished to spend the rest of her life making known. That she loved her, with every inch of her being, every fibre of her soul. That there was nothing she wouldn’t do for her, to help her, to care for her, to protect her, to support her, to show her how truly and dearly she loved her. </p><p>“I love you Toni,” a quiet murmur leaves through lips still resting against the smaller girls forehead, as if somehow these words, uttered so simply, so unfiltered, in a moment so purely honest, would make their way into even the most harrowed fractures of her soul and come to rest amongst the pain, the loneliness, the hardship, and make a home, a safe space. Four words, seemingly so small, nestled amongst pain formed through the years, providing solace amongst even the darkest corners of her mind.</p><p>“Cheryl I-”, Toni’s voice is thick with emotion, tears streaming down her face, but she makes no move to pull away, no move to remove herself from the touch of Cheryl’s lips. “I love you too.” </p><p>What else was there to say? What else could Toni possibly say in response to a moment she’d been searching for her entire life, a moment in which she felt important, a moment in which she felt cherished and cared for, a moment in which someone showed her she had worth, had value, a moment in which someone showed her she was deserving of love, and gave it to her.</p><p>Cheryl pulls back slightly, but only to replace the space her lips had occupied with her own forehead gently pressing into Toni’s own as she shifts beside her, moving to lean over her, resting on her elbows as she brings her other hand to cup Toni’s other cheek, brown eyes looking deeply into Toni’s own as the smaller girl looked up at her. “Toni, you mean so much to me, I care about you so much, I want to support you through this, but I also want to protect you, I want to keep you safe and away from the things that cause you pain, but this, the situation we find ourselves in, I, it’s hurting you, and I-I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it because there isn’t an option that doesn’t hurt you, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to fix it.” Cheryl is crying now, pulling back slightly from Toni in order to prevent her tears dripping down and mingling with the ones flowing down her love's cheeks. </p><p>“Cher-” Toni begins gently but the redhead cuts her off with a shake of her head before continuing, looking down at the girl she loves so dearly and sighing deeply.</p><p>“Toni, you are so incredibly important to me, and I want to make this better, but I don’t know how, and,” she falters, her voice barely above a whisper, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I don’t know how to fix it for you. I thought I knew, but you’re telling me that’s not what you want, and that that’s not going to fix things and now, now I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>“Cher,” Toni reaches to cup Cheryl’s cheek, brushing away falling tears with the pad of her thumb, “Cher I know you want to fix things, I know you have this, this <em> need </em> to make this better, but, you, you <em> can’t. </em> Not this time, and that’s not at any fault of yours, you haven’t caused this chaos, and so you can’t fix it. You can’t fix something that you didn’t break. I know you want to, but it doesn’t work like that. I know you think that me going back to the Serpents will provide a solution to everything, but the truth is, it won’t. It won’t magically make everything better, and that’s not on you, it’s on Jughead, and it’s also on FP. I don’t want to go back without you, I <em> can’t </em> go back without you, I don’t have it in me. I can’t go back and see them, and be reminded of all they’ve done, all they’ve cost me, all they’ve cost <em> us, </em> without you by my side. I can’t go back without you Cher, and I’m not going to, not only because it’s not fair, not <em> right, </em> but also, because I don’t <em> want </em> to. Okay?”</p><p>Cheryl simply nods, the emotion and pure honestly of their evening beginning to take its toll as she feels tiredness overcome her. Toni takes Cheryl’s nod as a sign of the end of their conversation, neither of them having anymore to say, and so she pushes at her shoulders gently until the redhead takes the hint and moves to lie down. Toni nestles into her side and pulls the covers up tightly around them, creating a cocoon of warmth, sighing contentedly as Cheryl wraps one arm around her waist before lifting her other hand to rest on top of Toni’s own that was laid on her chest, feeling the beating of Cheryl’s heart beneath her palm.</p><p>Toni turns her face slightly into Cheryl’s chest to place a kiss there as the redhead turns her own face towards Toni’s, her lips aligning perfectly with her forehead, placing a kiss gently against it, her lips tracing the same place they’d been during that moment. That moment neither Cheryl or Toni would forget for the rest of their lives. </p><p>They lay there in the quiet, holding each other close as sleep begins to take hold of them both, but in the moment just before it does, Toni speaks up, “I just want everything to be okay again.” Cheryl is taken aback as the childishness sentiment of Toni’s comment is overridden by the sheer desperation in her voice. It’s almost like the smaller girl was begging the universe to hear her plea and finally do right by her, to finally allow Toni one victory, one taste of what it felt like for things to be done right by her.</p><p>She presses another kiss to her love’s forehead, “I know baby, I know you do, we’ll find a way, somehow, someway.”</p><p>Toni simply nods, before closing her eyes and nuzzling ever closer into Cheryl’s side, the redhead tightening her hold as she did, “I love you Cher.”</p><p>Cheryl smiles as she feels Toni’s weight grow heavier on top of her, a sure sign that she was well on her way to dreamland, “I love you too mon cherie, always.”</p><p>It isn’t long before Cheryl feels sleep take hold of her too, whisking her away to the land of dreams, her arms wrapped tightly around her girl and her lips pressed to her forehead, as if sealing a promise, a promise of care, of understanding, of support, and above all, a promise of love.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Taa daa, hope you liked, as you know comments make my heart smile</p><p>Thank you for sticking with me, I know it's annoying that I don't update regularly, but who doesn't like a bit of suspense in their lives?</p><p>Until next time,</p><p>Luce</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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